A LIFE WORTH LIVING....

Animals and Arachnids

2012-01-25T23:56:00.000Z

We met up with Liz and the girls at Trotters Animal park on Tuesday.

We got to the pay desk to find the soft play area was closed :-(

Shame because it is nice to have a break in there for some indoor play and - as was the case on a wet and windy Tuesday - a warm up. A very nice surprise when we paid to find that this month they had a children go free offer on - that more than made up for it :-))

Started off with a cuppa and for the youngest member of the party..... a marshmallow mountain :-)

We had a lovely time and El ended up having an impromptu overnight stay with us.

The giddy factor was HIGH!!!! They hadn't seen each other for a couple of weeks.

Milly hadn't slept well the night before and had been up early and you would have thought she had had a drink!

Milly made cookies all by herself - a first she was very proud of even if she didn't like the finished product - didn't stop her having a couple though :-) We enjoyed them.

I left them at 12 and went to bed. I rarely get to sleep til I hear them come up though. I think I was in a half sleep when I heard them come up and shortly afterwards felt Al get up. A while later I heard what sounded like crying in the hallway so I rushed up to see what the matter was. Milly was hyperventilating and El was comforting her.

A rather large spider had decided to join them in the bedroom :-(

I couldn't see a thing - no glasses on - and had to balance on the bed and a ledge and use the spider catcher whilst reaching over the bookcase high on the wall. Precarious position and a delicate operation to maneuver the spider catcher around to shut the sliding bit without dropping the spider. I am not a fan of them either.

I managed it though and then the girls told me that they had had to wake Alan shortly before as there had been another one. They thought he might have lied about finding it putting it out of the window and this was the same spider. I said I didn't think he would do that because he knows how scared she is. Now was not the time for discussion though as by now it was about 4am and I was very keen for them to get back into bed so I could do the same :-)

A quiet morning although El was awake at about 10 and that meant Milly had to be too :-)

We met up with Liz and Catharine mid afternoon at a halfway point to hand back El :-)

Whilst waiting in the car park for Liz to arrive...... giddyness took over again.

Coffee, scones and chat before saying our goodbyes.

A flying visit to Aldi and a quick stop at my Sisters <3 on the way home.

Milly interogated Alan about the spider when we got in and believes he did find one and that it was just a busy night for spiders in her room :-( She is on a blowup bed in our room til we can clear everything out of her room, hoover, dust and put it all back in again. She might just be able to go back in then.

After tea Milly had a bath with lavender oil in and was asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. I thought I wouldn't be long after her but aching/restless legs are not conducive to comfort so I am taking the opportunity to catch up here :-)

Milly came back down after a couple of hours as she had woke and couldn't get back to sleep. She was peckish so asked if we could do pancakes together. 11 o'clock!! I wasn't keen initially it has to be said however it didn't take long at all and I am happy to facilitate her growing independance in the cooking department - even at odd hours :-)

Growth spurts, duvet days, struggles and beach therapy :-)

2012-01-25T21:01:00.000Z

Milly has shot up! I swear she put on an inch overnight. She came down the other morning and had to do a double take - she is 5'7" now just 2" shorter than me. That would explain the past few weeks of constant eating and inability to stay full for longer than an hour :-)

The flip side to all that growth is a period of hibernation and out of sync body clock.

For quite some time her pattern has been to be asleep around 12pm (ish ) and waking around 11am ( ish ) give or take an hour or so either side.

Over the last week to ten days she has been unable to sleep at night and consequently unable to wake any time before noon.

Initially I was ok with that but as it lengthened into a week I began to wobble - especially as it was 4 or 5 in the morning she was awake til even though she was in bed well before that. She had asked to be woken at certain times each morning but would then fall back to sleep. I made her breakfast and would call her down and she would come down grumpy and inevitably we would end up grumpy with each other through the day. She didn't want to go anywhere or do anything.
One morning when she fell back to sleep again I felt myself getting very angry. Instead of doing or saying something I might regret I sat and tried to understand where the anger ( fear ) was coming from. I knew my reaction was so much more about me and where my head was at that moment - a lot going on at the moment - stressy head on ;-))
Having been here before and working through it I found it much easier to process and came out of it very quickly.
I decided to accept where we were and not continue to worry and try to change it.

The next morning I went to wake her at the time she had asked me to. I woke her gently and asked if she wanted me to start breakfast. She asked me to wait half an hour then start it. I did that and then instead of asking her to come down I took it up to her.
She stayed in bed all day - daydreaming and watching friends DVDs.
Throughout the day I took her snacks and lunch and left her to it. She got up late afternoon, had a shower, brushed her teeth etc and got dressed and came down very chipper:-)
Over the next few days our time together - quality rather than quantity :-)) was harmonious.

One evening we sat cuddling and ( I can't remember how it came up in the conversation or the exact words ) her duvet days were mentioned and I said something along the lines of how glad I was that she was able to enjoy the time to cocoon and how I had been worried for a while about her lack of motivation but had become more relaxed about it.
She said, yes she had noticed and it had made her happy :-)

She had requested a walk on the beach and so we set off one windy and rainy day to get some beach therapy:-)

We didn't stay too long - just long enough to blow the cobwebs away.

It is a magical place, the Sea, I never fail to feel better after a visit - whatever the weather.

Sherlock, Shakespeare and Skins

2012-01-15T23:35:00.000Z

Waiting for Sherlock to start.

Re -watching the first series on DVD with Milly, having a cuppa and a giant, chewy, cookie fresh from the oven :-) We ate enough of the brownies we were perfecting and decided to move on to practice cookies :-)

The last few days were spent away with friends. Milly swam and ice skated and had a great time. I was well looked after by Liz's Mum, who has very generously invited me to stay with her when Milly is with El.

I was tired today but I wanted to get the spare room done to make things easier and - as I need Alan's help - today was the day:)

We managed to move bags out to get the pasting table up and then re - organise the bags back in the room and set up boxes on the table to sort all the ebay items into. 10 things sold over the last couple of days and so I packed them all up for posting tomorrow.

Milly had a much needed lazy start to the day :-) Amy came round for a while. When Milly got back from walking her home we all set off to walk with Beauty in the late afternoon sun. A lovely frosty walk finalising plans for Milly's birthday and some ideas for things to do this week.

Milly loves the TV series Skins and has been re - watching the box set she has. She is very excited as

the new series is back on soon. She has shown an interest in Romeo and Juliet after memorising part of scene 2 that she saw in one of the episodes. As we talked about it I asked if she wanted to see a play and she said yes and she also wanted the book so that is in hand.

Shakespeare for Kidz is performing at The Sands in Feb which is perfect timing :-)

As we were coming through Carlisle on our way home yesterday she saw an advert for the Little black dress Exhibition at Tullie house and asked if we could go to see it. That is on the cards for the end of this week.

Not too sure what else the week holds for us but we will just take it as it comes :-)

Ebay....

2012-01-11T14:57:00.000Z

Over the last week I have made the ebay selling into a very streamlined process:-) I just can't help it organisation is my middle name - I can't not organise - it just happens ;-)) When you have little energy anything that makes things easier is a huge advantage and over the years I have become adept at making things easy:-)

I washed a pile of things one day then Mum, Alan and I ironed them the next.

I then spent a few days taking photos and recording the details of each item and postage costs on paper before putting them in a clean plastic bag. These in turn go in a large cardboard box and I now have a head start on items ready to list.

I list a few each morning - after a bit of a break whilst I had to go about increasing the amount I can list each month - and check messages etc on and off during the day. I parcel items each evening and try to post each day. I have posted off about 12 items so far. I have literally hundreds of things to sell and it is a time consuming process - especially if you have messages to answer etc.

Over time this week I have refined things so I have a box ready with all the things I need. I have my camera and lead, with spare batteries. A white table cover to use as a back drop. Sender labels printed and cut ready to stick on parcels. Pens, pencils and tape measure. Thank you notes created, printed and cut to size ready to go. sellotape and brown tape - Mum has just rung today to say Lidl have a parcel tape dispenser and 2 rolls of tape for £3.49 so I asked her to get me one and that will save time too. I have a file to keep all the invoices in with proof of postage stapled on. I have a hole punch and stapler in the box with spare staples ready. I am going to make up a spread sheet to keep track of all the sales, fees and profit.

I am away for a few days and when I get back I will wash and iron a few items at a time to add to the box of items ready to list. I also need to sort out the spare room and get a pasting table in there and keep all the bags of things ready to be washed under it and the boxes of things ready to go in there too. I can set the table up to be able to take pictures and parcel things up so I have everything in one place. Then we can get the dining room table back in action :-)

By doing this it should just fit into my day to day life and I can do it in easy stages without it taking over.

Monsters, Migraines and Madness :-)

2012-01-04T23:37:00.001Z

Monster high passion is still high and tonight we spent ages searching eBay for Barbie dresses. There are outfits for sale for the monsters but they are in short supply - well the styles Milly likes are! She has very definite ideas about what she likes :-) I had a brainwave and started to search for Barbie outfits - with the idea we could buy some and see if they fit or that we could adapt them - and when I found some I thought she would like I called her through which led to us searching for quite some time and morphed into other searches as it usually does :-)

I am going to look for some used Barbie furniture next. She has the beds now that handily turn into a jewelry case and a mirror but it would be nice to add to them.

Today started early when I woke at 4.00 with a Migraine. I had got some pills from the Dr last night but had left them downstairs and I just couldn't be bothered to get up for them and kept thinking if I could just get back to sleep it would ease off. I knew Alan would have got up for me had I asked but knowing he would be up for work in a couple of hours I didn't want to disturb him.

Needless to say it didn't shift and just got worse. I got up at 7.30 and took a pill and at 9.30 when it hadn't gone I decided I would have to cancel Milly's dental appointment as I knew I wouldn't be able to drive even though it wasn't til later in the day.

I had intended to go back to bed but a plumber ( who was due to call later in the evening ) called to ask if he could call round as he was in the area. It has been so difficult to get anyone out to price up this job that I said yes and had 10 mins to get dressed.

After he left - having given me a cost but not ( in my opinion ) a satisfactory way to do the job - I spent the rest of the day on the sofa and after having another pill later in the day the Migraine started to lift slightly. Alan came home and together we cooked some oven chips, egg and beans for tea - not exactly gourmet food but with some bread and butter and a cuppa it hit the spot :-)

Alan and Milly have played Dominoes and connect four tonight for ages. Last night we all sat down to play go fish and Alan was in a giddy mood and decided to cheat ( he did it for a laugh ) - on a normal night Milly might have found this funny - I actually did find it amusing when we got to the end of the game and we were left with odd cards ( that shouldn't happen in go fish! ) and he was giggling uncontrollably. However Milly was not at all amused ( tired and emotional at the mo) and she stormed off saying she was never going to play games again!!

They quickly made up and Alan promised to play like a grown up tonight and stuck to his word :-)

I am still sat here when I really should have gone to bed hours ago - I find the pills make me very agitated and unsettled. Going to go in a bath now and hope that will help me settle.

Nighty night xxx

Foray into Ebay....

2011-12-30T22:14:00.000Z

So two years ago, we began a massive reorganisation and de-clutter exercise!

It went well - slowly- but well ;-))
We have rooms that are more functional with less dead areas and furniture that has better storage and - more importantly - what is stored is more accessible.

We - the royal we here as it was in fact not we - just Alan:-) even cleared out the lofts and now have new insulation so the house is toasty and warm.
So all the rooms and roof space is clear and clutter free.
All done except for one room.. The spare room...
It is full to the brim with all the bits that have been left from various car boots sales Alan has done and bags upon bags of clothing from when Milly was younger. I have been saying for the last two years that I will get on EBay and try to sell things but have always been put off...
One thing is just the logistics of finding stuff in the room. Two, the hassle of washing, ironing, listing it all on EBay. Then three, dealing with any awkward people who challenge that the goods aren't as described or that they never received them. I could do without it.

However over the two years the stuff has - strangely - not sold itself ;-)) Some of it has been taken to charity shops but the bulk of it still remains. So after a conversation with my Hairdresser - and a couple of others who sell on EBay - who said how easy it is and to just start with a couple of items, I decided it was time to strike!

Operation EBay has begun and so far it has taken up a great deal of time and energy. However this is just the learning curve and research stage so each item listed is taking time and the whole procedure is being refined so that we have a working model to follow that will make all the other ( hundreds of ) listings a much smoother process. Files will be made and records will be kept so we know exactly how much we make ( fees for selling on EBay and fees for using Pay pal to take into account! ) and there will be a sheet of instructions so that Alan is able to do it if need be - if I am having a bad day, week or month as sometimes happens ;-))

We have decided that at the moment we are going to trust that there are more good people than bad out there and just send things by second class post, obtaining a proof of postage certificate so it keeps postage costs down for buyers and makes items more appealing to purchase as they are such low value items. We may have to reassess that at a later date but we will have to see as time goes on.

I listed four items yesterday and have sold one item via buy it now on EBay and one item to a friend on facebook . Can't tell you how exciting it is to see people watching and bidding on items - can you tell I don't get out much ;-)))
I have listed a couple more things tonight and we have sorted all the bags out into winter/spring and summer clothing and washed and hung some jackets to list tomorrow.

So onward and upward. Washing, ironing, listing and storing the items and with any luck we will have a spare room back again sometime soon :-)

It was a monster (X) mash :-)

2011-12-29T19:48:00.000Z

Milly had generously invited all our family for Xmas dinner this year.

We ( all the family ) were sitting round my Sisters table having a meal one weekend and she invited us all to have Xmas dinner at theirs. Milly piped up with " is it not our turn this year" :-)))

How lovely that she wanted to do that....The only slight problem was that her tendency to bounce into our room at 5am on Xmas morning would mean I would be in no fit state to be hostess with the mostess and - more importantly - stay awake through the day :-))

When we talked about that she said she did still want everyone to come and she would try really hard not to wake me before 7am. She thought that she would still wake early but decided she would play and listen to her ipod and then bring toast and tea in to wake us up and we could open pressies in bed together.

She was quite concerned that she wouldn''t be able to sleep on Xmas eve ( past history would bear this out ) so she enlisted Amy's help in tiring her out on Xmas eve :-) They had a sleepover and on Xmas eve morning they woke at 8 and set of for a run! Then a couple of hours walk with Alan and Beauty and lots of play and chatting on their return til Amy left. She was however still bouncing and it was gone 12 before she actually slept...

Alan had said that if she woke early that he would be available to play/chat til 7:-) She asked to be woken at 7 if by some fluke she managed to sleep late - she did and he woke her at 7 and they went off downstairs together:-)

I woke to see them bringing in a tray and a big sack of presents.

And so it began:-)

She sat at my feet and the first present she opened was from Amy.....

A fantastic head band with a large velvet bow - looks even better when the price tag was removed :-)

Another one from Amy - a necklace with a bottle of poison dangling.

Eleanor's had been opened when we saw them on Friday and El had got her a rather lovely monster high doll to add to her collection :-)

Some rapid fire present opening followed :-)

Abbey abominable Monster. The one monster she was desperate to get.

A happy bunny.

Another monster.

and a witch from Buffy:-)

Gorjuss Mug and Evanessence CD followed.

Dad got to open a porcelain plaque that Milly had bought. She used her own money for the first time this year and bought gifts for friends and family. The plaque read...

Everything I am,

and everything I'll be

I owe it all to you Dad,

for so inspiring me.

Alan cried which made Milly cry, which made me cry !

Big hug for Dad:-)

A lovely calendar with prints from Klimt one of my favourites. I especially love the Mother and daughter one. I will be able to frame some later in the year :-)

More monster inspired books and diary's. This looks ghostly....

More Gorjuss in the form of a really beautiful journal with pockets for storing secret things :-)

Monster beds for the monsters :-)

I opened a few more and got a longed for cookery book from Milly and Alan:-)

Soundtrack from the latest Twilight movie Breaking Dawn.
I do enjoy surprising her and getting her things that aren't on her list of possibilities.

Another couple of things she would never have guessed were t'shirts from How I met your Mother with

"Suit up it's going to be legendary"

on. And one from the big bang with

Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur, happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr, purr, purr on it.

They were both big hits.

Super Xmas glasses from an old friend :-)

More presents opened....

Buried under mountains of paper and gifts......

One of which is a wonderfully smelly Xmas bauble with ginger spice soap inside:-)

More presents opened

Do you think he's nodded off ;-))

Any one fancy helping me put these together so the monster girls can sleep ;-)

Time for me to head off and make bacon butties and leave them to it.

After breakfast we enjoyed a very chilled morning, long bath for me and a walk with Beauty for them. Table setting and food prep before all the family arrived.

The table in all it's glittery, bejewelled glory with homemade place mats and place cards with added presents :-)

We had a lovely meal, everyone played a part with various elements such as starters and puds being made. The prep I had done earlier in the week freezing gravy, veg, spuds etc paid off and Alan and my Sister Paula made a good double act getting the main meal on the table.

It was a great day and am pleased Milly invited everyone.

I also appreciated every body's help in making it as stress free as possible :-))

A monsterly lovely day :-)

Xmas eve

2011-12-24T20:38:00.000Z

Well it's that time of year again :-)

Things are a little different here now that Milly is in the know about you know who;-))

She wavers between extreme excitement and then saying she doesn't feel christmassy at all!

Amy came to sleepover last night and they had a great time getting to bed shortly after me at about 1.30pm. I heard them giggling at 8am and they got up to make toast and tea ( Milly made me one that Alan brought up ) then they headed out for a run! Amy was in charge of tiring Milly out so she could sleep tonight ;-) Then on their return Alan was ready with Beauty so they could walk for a couple of hours. Whilst they were out I had breakfast and started the housework. They called when they were nearly home and I made eggy bread and beans ready for when they came through the door. The combined activity had tired them out but they then got into the game they had going on with Monster high dolls and Bratz :-) Amy left at 2.15 and then around 2.45 my Nephew ( 15 ) was dropped off to help with the table dec's for tomorrow. I adore Alex and really enjoy his company. We all chatted ( Alan sat with us too ) whilst Milly and I made pouches to put chocolates in to put in each place and name cards for everyone Alex took on the job of making place mats using wrapping paper ( in the red and silver theme ) and the laminator.

They turned out really well:-)

He left and then it was time for a bath and hair wash and into new Xmas jim jams :-) Salmon, roast pots, broccoli and carrots with garlic butter and a glass of wine for tea watching The Big Bang Theory together.

We have had a tradition - started many, many years ago - of taking a walk on Xmas eve to see if we could see Santa's sleigh. Milly still enjoys doing this and was insistent on us going tonight. We didn't actually need persuading. We quite like it too :-) Howling gale and rain meant waterproofs over our PJ's and off we went. Carols sung and the cobwebs blown away back home for a spritzer and some chocolates :-)

Outnumbered is on the cards soon and then I think Milly is going to hit the sack and try to sleep :-)

She has made plans to wake me at 7.00 with a cuppa and pan au chocolate and a big bag of her presents that she wants to open first :-))

All my family is due here for lunch.

Everybody chips in and I have prepared a lot over the last few nights so it should be a doddle :-))

Peace, love and joy xxx

Seasons Greetings...

2011-12-23T17:09:00.000Z

We have just got back from meeting friends from Northumberland at a halfway point - well on this occasion the meet up place was actually nearer to us but lovely Liz was very kind and came the extra miles as it was an easier drive for a very tired me :-))

Presents exchanged and my first Turkey of the year for lunch :-) A chat and a wander round the garden center and the hours whizzed by and it was soon time to say goodbye.... Looking forward to seeing you all in the New year xx

Brief stop off at home before heading out to another friends house for a traditional Xmas get together. It will be a shorter visit than normal as a hot bath and a snuggle on the sofa is on the cards for me and Alan whilst Milly and Amy have a sleepover :-)

My wish for you all is that you enjoy a peaceful, happy and memorable festive season. xxx

Silver linings....

2011-12-17T19:39:00.000Z

The plan for today was to travel to Northumberland to visit and stay over with friends. We were going to watch two members of the family in a play.

It was around November last year that we met for the first time. Time has flown!

We visited them before Xmas last year to see Gary, El and Patrick in The Railway Children - a really fabulous production that I have very fond memories of:-)

Over the year since then we have spent many, many happy times together. We would have loved to see this years production of Arthur ....

Events conspired against us though and this time we couldn't make it :-(

Milly is under the weather. The actual weather is also a factor because of the unpredictability and possible snow falls.

And my dad has had a stroke.

Mum had noticed that he was having difficulty with his speech. He was not able to get out what he wanted to say and had also been showing other signs over the last week or so. She got an emergency appointment at the Dr's yesterday and they ended up in A&E. It is a small bleed apparently and after assessment he has been discharged from hospital to attend the stroke clinic on Monday to have a scan and find out what treatment will be needed.

So the weekend has taken on a different shape.

On the bright side ( cos you just have to find that silver lining don't you! ) we got to practise making brownies again today and family members who sampled them gave them a thumbs up:-)) A little bit more practise but we are on our way to being brownie making queens :-))

Alan was at work this morning. I hadn't been able to sleep last night and saw 2.00:-( I woke at 8.00 and couldn't get back to sleep . I eventually got up and pottered about - well mainly sat and drank tea but a little pottering was done:-)) Made Breakfast - for Milly when she got up - which was lunch for me :-)

This afternoon has seen me and Al doing some housework and also sorting out the garland for the fireplace - it is many years old and looking a little tired... We have put it up and I will get some twinkly lights and buy some bows to give it a new lease of life.

Milly decided to clean out her room.

She found it tough going as she has a temperature but she had music on and took everything off her surfaces and put them in the hall whilst she dusted and sorted everything out. She took her time and after it was all put back in I vacuumed and put her bedding on for her as she had run out of steam:-)

Another silver lining is that I get to watch the Strictly Come Dancing final. I would have taped it and got to watch it tomorrow but I am enjoying watching it live:-)

Harry to Win!!!

Decs and dedication....

2011-12-07T21:52:00.001Z

Over the last few days we have spent time together as a family adding a little festive decoration to the sun room ;-)

The Easter tree ( branches from the garden that we had sprayed gold and then - with Amy's help - we decorated with cardboard eggs ) has been gathering dust on top of the bookcase as Milly didn't want to throw it out. We decided to change it to an Xmas edition. I dashed out in between hail showers on Monday to spray it silver - forgot to put paper down so we now have a sparkly step up to the patio!

After Al got back from Tai chi that night we sat down to make baubles and pretty it up :-) Chocolate fudge cake and a cup of tea made the job manageable:-) We had a good laugh and ended up with the above article...

Milly and I made some snowflakes today and whilst she hung out with Amy this evening Alan and I threaded and hung them up.

My friend Liz gets the award for dedicated Mum tonight. El was due to come for a sleepover today and we were due to meet up at a half way point to spend time together before we brought El home with us. However... El had a commitment to a rehearsal for the play she is in and couldn't miss it. We tried all other permutations to see if we could fit it in other days and so on but it just wouldn't work with other commitments. El was really keen to make it.... so amazing Mum Liz is bringing her here after the rehearsal. They should arrive about 11.... Then she is driving back home again.

So Milly and I are sitting watching TV and awaiting their arrival :-)

Easy like Sunday morning....

2011-12-04T22:19:00.000Z

Today looked a little like this...

A slow and easy start to the day, Alan brought me a cup of herbal tea and - after I had prized my eyes open - we had a chat about plans for the day and what we hoped to achieve. We had a lot we wanted to pack in. We are trying to get on top of all the Xmas preparations so that - hopefully - next Sunday we will have all the gifts bought and wrapped. We also want to get as much food prep done for the big day as possible. Mum,Dad, two Sisters, Brother in laws and most gorgeous Nephew are all coming here for Christmas lunch. Alan and I talked about how to make it all as easy and stress free as possible. They are all a great help though and it is very much a combined effort. We generally all take elements of the meal so one might do the nibbles/starter one might do all the veg and one might make the puddings. I have a recipe from Jamie Oliver for gravy to make ahead and freeze and then on the day I just need to add the turkey juices. I am going to par boil spuds and freeze them so they can just be roasted. Bread sauce will also be done prior to the day I am sure there will be many other ways we can get ahead of the game too.

After breakfast Alan walked Beauty and I woke the girls. Actually Amy was already awake and reading in bed, Milly was still snoring away :-) They had enjoyed Breaking Dawn immensely and went to bed early - for them - about 11.30 - I didn't hear a peep out of them when I went up at 12. Apparently they had gone straight to sleep - must have been all that walking and fresh air doing the Christmas shopping ;-)

Having spent time talking and making plans for the day I decided to change them! It made more sense for me to go for the Xmas tree by myself and that way we wouldn't have to be in such a rush to get to my sisters. I headed off in the car to the place ( five minutes away ) we have bought our tree for the last ten years or so. I pulled up saw a tree on display and it was perfect size and shape it was bagged and in the car within five minutes :-) That has never happened before - we normally have to hold and size up many before we find the one :-)

Back home and showers for us all before we headed off to my Sisters where we enjoyed a really lovely meal with fantastic company :-)

Back home - again - and Amy wrapped a few presents she had bought yesterday before we had to say goodbye. Loved having you hun... see you soon :-)

Then the Christmas music went on, some dancing was done and the tree was dressed. A couple of hours later and a whizz with the vacuum and a duster and the living room is chritmasified :-)

Milly watched some Buffy. Alan did some ironing whilst watching TV. I wrapped some more presents and organised those that need to be posted or in the case of the gift for our homeopath ( and a special gift for her son ) delivered to the office before her last day of appointments. I missed it last year so determined they get them before Xmas this year.

A late tea of soup for Alan and I and bacon, egg, and toast for Milly.

Milly is now playing with monster high dolls and has been down for string and various other implements and has a zip wire, ladders and rope ladders across the top of the stairs!

Limbo on the way up to bed then ;-))

Saturday....

2011-12-03T20:29:00.001Z

Twenty to eight at night and today hasn't finished yet!

Down and out yesterday with a Migraine and then I didn't get to sleep until after two. I woke with a start at 5.00 and thought I heard laughter. I was sure the girls were still awake. I couldn't believe it and I took my earplugs out and listened but heard nothing. I decided to look in on them and sure enough they were snoring and sound asleep. Got back into bed and tossed and turned for another hour before I managed to sleep again :-( I felt lousy when the alarm went off at eight...

I woke the girls when I finally rolled myself out of bed at 8.30

Strangely as the morning wore on I found myself feeling more and more energetic :-) I ate and then made the girls eggy bread before whizzing round with the vacuum, washing up and getting a shower. We were all ready to go at 10.00 which was earlier than we had anticipated.

On to Carlisle to do some shopping :-)

If you are looking for some gifts or cards or a wide range of Christmas decorations you could take a look in a fantastic little shop just near the nativity scene.

Alternative is a beautiful little shop, jam packed with goodies - they have also opened a Christmas shop just over the road brimming with festive delights :-)

Shameless plug for my baby sister and her hubby :-)))

We arrived home late afternoon. Al had been at work til 2.00 and got back from walking Beauty just after us. I took the opportunity to wrap some pressies whilst the girls - Amy ably assisted by Milly :-) - decided to make fairy cakes and rocky road' Alan cleaned the bathroom and then went to bed for an hour:-)

I prepped some garlic cheesy bread and pasta to add to the bolognese sauce I had made yesterday.

Once they had eaten it was time to get ready and they have now gone to the cinema with Alan. They are happy to go in to the film on their own so Alan doesn't have to go in with them and is going to do a little window shopping and wait. He has the daily paper and supplements so that will help pass the time with a cuppa :-)

I have a table full of presents to wrap - not tonight but I hope to get them finished tomorrow.

The table also has the Easter tree ( branches from the garden sprayed gold that we had decorated with coloured paper eggs ) on it... Milly wanted to keep it up ( on top of the bookcase in the sun room ) and it has been catching dust since then :-) It is now to be transformed into a Christmas tree and sits in the middle of the table with boxes of glitter, coloured card and glittery pipe cleaners and ready for inspiration to strike ;-)

There is washing to be hung,

chocolate fudge cakes ( to take to my sisters tomorrow ) cooling, then they will be ready to be iced ....

and - after all the baking and meal making - this

to clear - for the fourth time.

And miraculously ( a real novelty for me ) I actually have the energy to finish it!!

Would be nice if this energy could hang around a while - I could get used to it :-)

Friday...

2011-12-02T22:02:00.000Z

Second Migraine of the week today:-(

I crawled out of bed at 6.30 and got one of the new pills presribed from the Drs last week. That meant the pain soon left but the nausea and fatigue still lingered. I stayed in bed til about 10.00 and then decided I would get up and eat with the hope that would help. I woke Milly before I went down - we have a busy weekend ahead and she wanted to be able to sleep earlier tonight so had asked to be woken earlier.

Porridge drizzled with syrup, a spoonful of greek yogurt, sprinkled with milled flax seeds and a cup of herbal tea helped to make me feel slightly better.

I decided to rest as much as possible but was loathe to go back to bed. I pottered, picking up and tidying bits and peices but mainly watched daytime TV:-) Milly lay in bed. She was awake - we have phones with an intercom and she has one in her room so we chatted on that a few times but she wasn't hungry so she spent her time daydreaming :-) When she came down about 12.00 we wrapped Amy's Christmas present and then I made her eggy bread with beans and bacon. She helped by getting things out for me and declared it the best breakfast/lunch she had had for a while, everything was cooked just right :-)

The afternoon was spent lounging on the sofa in the sunroom listening to the rain lashing on the windows and writing Christmas cards. Then I decided I would get on with the one task I really needed to do to make tomorrow evening easier..

I am taking Milly and Amy Xmas shopping tomorrow. They have been planning this day for two years!! Last year the snowfall put paid to the trip. They are spending their own money to buy gifts for friends and family :-) We will get home late afternoon, eat tea and then they get ready to go out with Alan to see Breaking Dawn at the cinema. I had intended to make meatballs in a tomato sauce but Spaghetti bolognese was quicker and easier to put together. It simmered on the stove for 3 hours so it will be a lovely rich sauce. Not only will it make tomorrow easy but I will freeze some and when El comes to stay during the week we have a ready made tea :-)

I always do a weekly menu and create my shopping list from that but this week I decided to do a two week menu and try to do one big shop with top up shopping for fresh foods as and when we need it. We won't be making unnecessary trips ( saving petrol ) we can get it when we are out and about or Alan can get it on his way home from work. I am hoping to do more batch cooking and freeze meals to make things easier and hopefully cheaper if I can buy larger portions of meats and poultry and veg and also save on the gas by making more meals in one go. I get so tired of thinking about what we are going to eat and by doing this I should at least have a week where I don't have to :-) I do enjoy trying new things and looking through recipe books to create the menus but the pleasure is taken away from it as it normally happens in a rush the night before I need to go shopping. I am a week ahead of myself now and should be able to take my time to find recipes and meal ideas so it becomes a much more enjoyable process... That's the plan ;-)) It will require a level of organisation though and I need to check the menu each day to ensure I have all the ingredients..... I will let you know how it goes :-)

Amy is staying over tonight and also tomorrow night. We are aiming to get our tree on Sunday morning before we head off to my sisters for Lunch with them. A lovely family friend and her son and his new fiance will also be there. Amy is joining us too :-)

A busy weekend full of friends and Family to look forward to :-)

Hope your weekend is a great one.

xxxx

Last day in london....On hold... Here is some advent craft instead :-)

2011-11-29T20:13:00.001Z

I will get around to recording the last day in London.... The Laptop - with the pics stored - was away being fixed so I kind of lost momentum.

Don't have the time tonight so will tell you what we have been up to today...

I started the morning with a mediation in bed.

I know the benefits of doing it but so often the day gets away with me and I forget or just feel I don't have time. I am trying to get into the habit of doing a five minute one. If I go into it knowing it is only for five minutes it very often lasts longer ;-)

After breakfast and a browse I began to put together an advent calendar for Milly.

For years we have bought Polly pocket or Playmobile sets. Obviously a little bit past that stage now so I was on the lookout for alternatives.

I am not a crafty person - I have little patience and want everything to happen immediately. However I became hooked on Pinterst and found this

I loved the look of it and decided to use it as inspiration for making my own for Milly.

I bought the brown paper and as I was looking for wooden pegs decided that it would be far too fiddly and time consuming for me to paint and decorate them. I had initially thought I would keep it quite natural and thought about using some kind of coloured string. However I found a lovely strand of Tinsel in Asda and knew that would suit Milly more, she is definitely a bling kinda gal :-)

In Wilkos I found some lovely gingham stars that I thought would go and some divine prancing reindeer...

I had searched high and low for some gingham ribbon in town last week. Eventually I found a little shop that could order me some in. Problem being that the car is now in the garage and I couldn't get to pick it up :-/

So I had to improvise. I had bought some red and white raffia ribbon so I set about twisting it to make a candy cane effect to attach the little envelopes I had made for each day.

As I was working I did what usually ends up happening - three things on the go at once :-) Leek and potato soup was made for lunch and a sausage casserole was put in the slow cooker for tea.

Milly came down very late.

She is recovering from a three day sleepover with El.

She has a wonderful time and ice skated for the first time ever - she loved it and is now keen to go to the temporary rink that comes to a nearby town over the holidays :-) The late nights and fun and games was taking it's toll though and she was in a very grouchy mood.
Gave us an opportunity to talk about choices we make and how they can impact on us and others and then impact on our relationships. She watched some TV and then came through and I sat with her whilst she put together an advert to put in the village noticeboards. She has some DS games she no longer plays so is going to try and sell them. She sold her guitar last week in the same way so fingers crossed she will get herself some more money for her great passion.... Monster high dolls and music downloads.

I got back to the advent calendar and stuck the raffia ribbons inside the envelopes I had created out of brown paper. I had wanted a snowflake stamp to decorate the front but as I was stuck at home and unable to get to the shops I had to find something in the craft things we had and luckily found something - it wasn't exactly a snowflake but it would do the job;-)

Inside each envelope is a small piece of card with either a C or a P on it .

I have bought some of Milly's favourite chocolate truffles and a selection of small low value gifts, so each day will either be a Chocolate or on eight mornings she will get to choose a Present.

I did also want to have a daily activity to pick but as yet haven't got them printed out...May get round to it this year if not it will last for next year too so I will add them in then :-))

It has become the first decoration to go up this year and I will get some more tinsel and we can create some decorations to add to this in the sunroom. I have an urge to get twinkly fairy lights for this room too.....

Walks with a watery theme...

2011-11-18T14:05:00.000Z

I thought I would pop in with a picture post... Not felt like blogging for a while.... Hormonal changes happenning and taking their toll - normal service will be resumed soon xx

St Bees with Milly...

Talkin Tarn with good friends....

Testing!!

2011-10-27T17:25:00.000+01:00

Ok got a new toy and have been playing with it for far too long and I must get on with tea!! I Just needed to check that I could post on here with it :-) I just need to get a small keyboard which I am sure will make a difference.

London - Thursday....

2011-10-25T23:56:00.000+01:00

Another bright, fair day. we were so very lucky with the weather..

Not quite so lucky finding a pair of flat shoes for Milly though :-( After trying a vintage shop near the hotel ( rip off shop more like! ) we headed off to Marks and Spencers thinking we were bound to be able to find a flat canvas shoe at a reasonable price... Wrong! Next was no better, nor the other 5 shops we trawled round. We were going at break neck speed as we had planned to be at The British Museum - which was just round the corner from where we were staying. I had planned it for today as I knew by this point we would be exhausted and it would not have involved much walking - oh well... the best laid plans and all that!

However - as it became obvious it was going to take longer than we had anticipated - I had two choices. I could have got angry and stressy that we were 'wasting' time when there was so much we wanted to see that day or I could accept that shopping was just as much a part of the 'London' experience and enjoy it... I chose to accept and try to enjoy it. I did loosen up but some stressy moments still crept in.

Milly tried on at least nine shoes ( sometimes each shoe in a 7 and an 8 ) in Sports direct. They had a really large selection and we kept the young sales assistant very busy - backwards and forwards for shoe after shoe:-) Some didn't fit, some had seams that she could feel, some looked good until she got them on and she didn't like them. We found some pink DM - style - boots on sale at a very good price ( she has been wanting some for ages ) no good though as they too had scratchy seams. One pair of flat sandle type shoes looked like a winner but the 8 ( her normal size ) was too big and the 7 too tight. After trying all the possible options on we had to call it a day. Knowing we had given it a really fair shot she decided she had had enough of trying shoes on and Milly put her 'death heels' - as she called them - back on. She said she could 'bear' them.

We walked off to the tube to get to the British Museum.

~~Got lost~~ Took a scenic route to the Museum and whilst they nipped to the bathroom I took the opportunity to rest my weary bones. Thanks to the lovely Julia from Classroom free I was wearing the comfiest shoes I have had for years. I had seen them on one of her pictures on Facebook. I loved the style and asked what make they were and purchased then some :-)

Milly had been keen to show Alan the Relic trails that she had done last year. Unfortunately they no longer did them :-( Could this morning get any better! After discussing it and knowing that Milly wasn't too keen to go around the Museum - without the trails - we decided to move on to Trafalgar Square, National Gallery and Tate Britain.

Milly was our Tube guide. Keeping us right on which line we needed and where we should go.

She loved the escalators and we had a routine so we all managed to stay together in the throngs of people that were often trying to get on at the same time.

We decided to get Milly some lunch ( Alan and I had filled up at the Travelodge breakfasts and had found that we didn't need lunches ) she ate at a small cafe before we headed off to Trafalgar Square.

Fire shooting from the top as he played!

Living wall.

Using over 8,000 plants, GE (General Electric) has brought to life Van Gogh's 'A Wheatfield, with Cypresses' in a ‘living wall’ outside the front of the National Gallery.

Milly wanted me to take a picture of this pose. Looking at her hair now it has reminded me about the colour debacle. The day before we travelled we had put some Cyclamen Crazy colour on to top up her streaks. After applying it Milly asked if she should wash it and I said not to worry just rinse it....Wrong!! The first morning she woke to find the white pillowcase bright pink and then when she went in the shower the curtain and towels were victims as well.... I spoke to the housekeeper the next morning who was unfazed and was very pleasant and said she would just get them changed.

After spending an hour or so in the square we went for a quick look around the Gallery - we all decided as it was such a nice day it would be good to walk down the Mall and see the Palace then spend some time in the park. We would put it on the list of places to visit next year with Tate Britain.

Outside just in time to see the Contortionist....

in a box!!

Down the Mall to the Palace.

Alan walked to the front of the Palace and Milly and I decided to go to the park.

Squirrels everywhere! Although you can't really see it on here it is there! Just off to the left of

Milly :-)

Back on the tube from Green Park and a breather at the hotel.

Milly chose to eat before we headed off to Shaftesbury ave to a Chinese restaurant we had seen with an all you can eat buffet for £6.50. She wasn't sure she would like anything on offer.

Milly 'hates' lifts. However we were on the 10th floor and she decided it was a better option than walking up the stairs! As a way to keep her mind of it she would stand with a smile and a peace sign waiting for the doors to open and a person to see her. In all the times we were up and down no one was there when the doors opened to get her 'peace' as she called it :-)

Alan and I had a really nice meal. Milly drank cola and shared a little of ours, trying some dishes new to her. It was soooo busy and we were glad we had made it earlier rather than later. After eating we strolled down to china town and bought Milly a beckoning cat :-)

We had to cut our nightime stroll short as Milly began to feel unwell .

Milly and I made our way back to the hotel but Alan had a big night out :-)

He was going to see The Jersey boys. Family had given him money for his birthday so he could get a ticket and in the end it only cost £22 so he has some left to spend :-)

He has loved Frankie Valli's music for years, since his time in the Navy.

Milly and I had thought we would like to see Billy Elliot. However when we bought Alans ticket we decided against it as we were both exhausted and it would have involved traveling across London late at night. There is going to be another vsit next year so we can do it then ;-))

Al got back about 10.45 and - although we had thought we would be asleep as soon as our heads hit the pillow - Milly and I were still awake to hear all about it. I think we were over tired and the room was really hot. However once Alan was back we all snuggled down and were soon asleep:-)

London - Wednesday.

2011-10-21T20:49:00.000+01:00

Wednesday dawned clear and dry. We were so pleased we could leave the jackets behind - so much easier to get around with less gear.

The plan was to get the tube down to Embankment - which we did - then to get a river taxi - which we didn't. To cut a long story short Milly had been keen to take one so she could show Alan what we had done last year. The wait for the next boat caused her some anxiety though so after some discussion we decided to walk over the bridge. We had planned all the things we wanted to see and the boat would have set us down with plenty of time to walk along the southbank and see them all and then to be in the right place to get a tube to move on to the afternoon visits...

We just had to do it in reverse and do much more walking than anticipated. At least it was dry and we would still get to see everything :-)

One of the aims for the day was to introduce Milly to some modern /contemporary art. I had thought it best to walk along and if Milly was interested we could pop into some of the galleries. As with most things I keep an open mind about art - I know what I like and that coud be from any era. Milly is not at all interested in fine art ( boring she says ) and I thought she would get a lot from seeing a totally different style.

I had read of a straw fox at the Hayward gallery and I knew Milly would like to see that if it was still there - it wasn't but some underwear bunting was!

Pippiloti Rist was showing...

Milly and I went up to the free display of a few of her videos and were both intrigued by her work. Alan sat and looked out at the river - not his cup of tea:-)

Milly particularly liked one called you called me Jacky. Not quite so keen on the one with the naked man in the woods ;-))

We didn't know there was a larger exhibition and decided to leave but since returning I have found out there was another larger exhibition. I showed Milly online and she said she would have liked to go - had we known.

A stop for a coffee and some people watching then on the road again.

Passed by the Globe - decided not to go in on this trip - then walked on to the Tate Modern.

Some installations caught Milly's eye. We sat and watched this video by Igor and Svetlana Kopysiansky for quite a while.

Some had visual appeal..

Some we just didn't 'get' :-)

Interactive.

A slide that made music as you slid down.

Back out into the Sunshine for the walk back to the Tube.

On to the Imperial war museum.

Berlin wall pose.

Museum visits with Milly are often very speedy and so that Alan could really explore we sent him off and Milly and I paid to see The Once upon a wartime exhibition. It was interesting and beautifully presented. Atmospheric and informative.

As we left the exhibition Milly took us off to the left. I felt sure we should be going to the right but she wanted to go so I followed and went in a door with a curtain over it - she thought it might be a cinema or something... It was a narrow room with benches along the side. Some people were already on them and so we joined them not really sure what we were getting into - but Milly was still happy and even when I asked if she would like to go out she said no... A voice from the tannoy explained we were in the communal air raid shelter and we then realised it was a simulation!

Panic set in a little as she realised we couldn't get out but I talked it through with her and held her tight. It was quite scary with the bomb sounds and then the benches rocked as we were 'hit'. An air raid warden came to lead us through the streets. past the gas works - just before it took a direct hit and went up in flames and he then took us to the WRVS stand before exiting the 'Blitz experience'. Not an experience Milly is keen to revisit....

We had a wander around the main exhibition.

Afterwards we had a cuppa and cake.

Then as Milly had seen all she wanted to we sat on a bench and waited for Al to meet us. Giddiness took over. She laughed so much she snorted! She found it very funny and asked me to take a photo so she would always rememeber the moment.

Had to do the usual self portrait:-) The only place I remembered to do that was in the bathroom ...

By the time Alan met us at 5.30 we were all shattered. A longish walk to get the tube to Piccadilly. We had caught a glimpse of it late one night last year but I had wanted to see it again. It was a fleeting visit as we really needed food and rest - back on the tube to return to the Travelodge.

A very pleasant Wednesday was completed by having Dominos pizzas in the room :-)

London - Tuesday....

2011-10-19T20:35:00.002+01:00

Tuesday dawned bright and we were so pleased we wouldn't have to carry jackets around with us. Much easier to get around with less gear :-)

On the way to Argos to get the much anticipated Monster high dolls. I really liked all the different textures, shapes and colours as we walked.

Milly really wanted to get into a red phone box but this one wouldn't open. She did spot another interesting sculpture over the road though...

After visiting two Argos stores we had to come away empty handed as they were both out of stock of the ones Milly wanted :-( She was upset but handled it well. We set off to get the tube to Camden.

We LOVED Camden!

Through the market with Milly trying on lots of dresses and tops and shoes and eventually buying a very individual ethnic design hooded top.

On to the Lock area to sample some Chinese food whilst sitting on a scooter stool :-)

Onwards and more clothes to try on and barter for. An amazing tutu and top were purchased and needed to be worn immediately :-)

Quick change in the loo....

So many wonderful sights, sounds and smells...

Quite hard on the feet though - especially as you have decided to wear your heeled boots! We thought we might find a flat pair in the market but luck was not with us with the size or design :-(

Onwards and upwards. Yet more sights to see. It went on forever!

Milly started to feel a little under the weather and we cut our visit short so we could rest at the Travelodge. Sitting on the granite object we passed most nights became a must do :-)

Back at the hotel she got worse. Milly really hates being sick and was panicking because she felt as though she was going to be...After some tender loving care, a cool bath and a long chat she perked up a little. Alan and I went to the dining room to eat. Milly had been more than happy to be left watching TV and requested some chips and ice cream cake to be brought back up to the room so I took them up whilst our food was on order and then went back to eat with Al.

By the time we got back to the room she was feeling much better and we all settled down for a good nights sleep.

London - day one...

2011-10-15T18:33:00.000+01:00

So much to tell and not enough time to tell it all in :-))

It will have to be mainly pictures of each day to give you a flavour of the sites we saw and the things we did.

Five days full of activity in a very packed and always moving London.

The whole experience was, at times exhilarating, and at others debilitating.

There were moments of joy and laughter and there were moments of tension, with all of us at one time or another succumbing to short tempers.

Just a typical family holiday ;-))

Waiting at the station brought back many memories of our trip last year.

Nervous and excited we stood waiting for the train.

This time the added benefit was having Alan with us :-)

On our return last year Milly had been so keen to show him the sights. Alan hadn't been overly keen on visiting London last year ( not really his cup of tea and he hadn't had any holiday left to take anyway ) but he had been very keen to make her happy and to visit this year to see the sights with her. The planning started shortly after our last trip.

She was still quite keen on having me with her too :-)

Morning train journeys and I do not mix. Alan and Milly enjoyed it, whilst I sat with my head in my hands, sitting quite still and willing the nausea to pass.

Across London on the tube to check in at our hotel.

All the experience Milly and I had last year payed benefits in the ease we navigated the tube. Getting from the tube to the Travelodge proved a little trickier ;-) Got there in the end though and after a quick cuppa we headed off to find Hamleys. On the list were Monster high dolls, Sylvanian families and a green pig from Angry pigs.

Full on search of all the shelves with no luck.

Quite liked the blue one but decided to wait to see if a green one could be found elsewhere.

A new sylvanian cat family was found to add to the ones she had and we left happy.

On the tube again to go back to St Pancras so Milly could show Alan the Youth hostel we had stayed in last year. It was also a good excuse to sample the caramel hot chocolate, crispy chicken and chips that she had enjoyed so much whilst we were there.

We managed to have another look round the amazing architecture at St Pancras and revisit the statue of the lovers.

We also saw Sir John Betjemens statue. Reading the verse around the base.

Walking back in the dark amazed at how busy it still was with the steady stream of people and traffic. Finding shiny granite to clamber on and slide off .....

Very pleased to be back at the hotel.

Tenth floor room with a stunning view of the night sights - sorry not the best picture but gives an idea :-)

Winter Seascape by John Betjeman

The sea runs back against itself
With scarcely time for breaking wave
To cannonade a slatey shelf
And thunder under in a cave.

Before the next can fully burst
The headwind, blowing harder still,
Smooths it to what it was at first -
A slowly rolling water-hill.

Against the breeze the breakers haste,
Against the tide their ridges run
And all the sea's a dappled waste
Criss-crossing underneath the sun.

Far down the beach the ripples drag
Blown backward, rearing from the shore,
And wailing gull and shrieking shag
Alone can pierce the ocean roar.

Unheard, a mongrel hound gives tongue,
Unheard are shouts of little boys;
What chance has any inland lung
Against this multi-water noise?

Here where the cliffs alone prevail
I stand exultant, neutral, free,
And from the cushion of the gale
Behold a huge consoling sea.

Why I blog and connections....

2011-10-08T12:12:00.001+01:00

I know many people can't understand why I would want to keep a blog. Some can see the benefit of a blog that promotes your business or creates an income in some way. However when you write about all your personal stuff it really baffles some people. Why don't you just keep a journal, is often asked of me. Why would you want everyone to be able to read all about your life.

Well....

For much of my life I kept a lot of things very close to my chest.

For me not being able to talk about those things meant it was all suppressed and became a weight that was too heavy to bear.

When I started this blog - at Milly's suggestion - I realised very quickly how therapeutic I found it and how easy I found it to share how I was feeling and for the first time in my life I felt in control and made the decision to be open about my life. I also began to see how working through things in a post and pressing the button to send it our 'there' released the emotions and freed up my mind. It is so very different from keeping a very private journal. I rarely keep a post in draft form and ponder whether to post or not. Ninety nine per cent of the time I write it - maybe over a day - then post it. It works best for me to let it go and move on. There are things I would like to talk about from my past, because they would affect others I respect that and choose not to.

My struggles are the same as many other peoples struggles. I also know from comments and email that my ramblings help others too.

I accept there are problems with the Internet and there are some very strange people out there - not you obviously ;-)) - for some people that would be enough to stop them and that would obviously be their choice.
There are many things in life to be fearful of and thinking of what 'might' happen can paralyse us.
Life is full of dangers and weighing up the risks, I have decided that - for me - it is not a valid enough reason to stop me posting.

Yesterday whilst Milly and I were at odds with each other she mentioned she was fed up with telling a friend a story and her friend saying ' oh I know I read it ' or 'my Mum told me' her Mum obviously having read my blog. I became very defensive and told her that I always asked her if she is happy for me to post about subjects that are about her. She denied this and it deteriorated into 'I did' , 'you didn't' type of behaviour - yes I know, very grown up of me!!

I had to let go of my immediate defensive feelings and really listen to her words. There was a resentment in her statements. My understanding was that the 'real' reason for her dissatisfaction was her feeling that I wasn't spending enough time with her. Even though we are 'together' all day every day the actual quality of our interactions has not been the same as normal.

Having full on holidays and sleepovers have been huge fun but have required down time for both of us. The flow of our days is changing Milly has been through a growth spurt. She is spending much more time on her own and is going through her hibernating phase. Sleeping til late and then wanting to watch TV in the living room with the curtains closed. She is not ill or depressed at all - she is merely transitioning. For the last couple of weeks I have spent my mornings ( whilst she is snoozing ) in the kitchen and sun room doing the household jobs that need to be done, preparing meals and planning our trip to London ( next week ) by doing research online for opening times, location etc so that the trip goes as smoothly as is possible and Milly has an idea of where we will be and what we are doing each day.

When Milly wakes I make her breakfast and she tootles off into the living room. I could, and on many occasions, do sit with her but I really find it hard to sit in a darkened room all day! She hasn't been keen to do any of the things I have suggested and I admit to feeling angry with her lack of enthusiasm and apparent laziness. Did I actually try hard enough or was it easier to let her do her thing because
I have been tired and fed up - feeling trapped - I want to work but know that in reality I am still not well enough to hold down a job. I have been feeling I have no choices and my negative thinking has obviously coloured how I react day to day. I have not felt as open to making opportunities during the day to connect and patience has been thin on the ground.

She doesn't see all the things I do for her day to day like making meals from scratch/baking, researching items online that might interest her or expand on a topic she is interested in and all the other little things I do for her. She just sees that I am not present with her. What she needs right now is more time with me. She could still do what she wants to do but I could have spent more time with her - even if it was in small chunks so I wasn't sitting in the dark too long :-)) That might mean just sitting watching TV with her but I know from past experience that once the connection is strong and time is spent together conversations are had and from that things occur naturally and activities/outings happen without even thinking about them. Because of my own tiredness I have taken my eye of the ball and scored an own goal;-))

Having a talk with Milly yesterday we agreed to compromise with each other and to ensure we were communicating and both getting our needs met. To be fair to Milly she isn't spending all day in front of the TV. Our body clocks are out of sync and she is bubbling and ready to create or do things when I am ready to wind down. I wish I had more energy. I wish I didn't have ME and I wish I wasn't going through the roller coaster ride that is the Menopause but they are both facts of my life and we have to just work out the best way to make things work for us. Our partnership is changing she doesn't need me in quite the same way - which is as it should be. It won't take much to tweak things. I understand her pattern and know she will move through this phase and come out bouncing...

We have also talked about her negative feeling about the blog. Our lack of connection meant that - knowing how much I enjoy writing on it - she had transferred her negative emotions to it. She agreed that I had always asked her about posting anything that might be sensitive to her but it was the day to day things that she was talking about and as my day to day and her day to day are inextricably linked there is little I can do about that if I continue to blog.
She understands this blog is important to me and that - although I will never write intimate things about her without her say so - there will always be an overlap because she is a very big and important part of my life and I would have little to write about my days if I couldn't mention her and what we do as my day usually involves her in some way, shape, or form:-)
Now that the air has been cleared her animosity towards my blogging has also cleared.
Oh and a cornetto helped!
When I asked her what I could do to make things better for her she asked if she could have a
cornetto :-))

Reclaiming our life...

2011-10-07T11:03:00.000+01:00

I have started a new blog,

Reclaiming our Life.

This blog was started as we began our journey into Home education and has been very much about day to day living.

I won't be giving this one up and will continue to post here :-)

The new blog is about a new stage in our lives - equally scary and unknown as Autonomous ed/ unschooling was to us when I started this one.
It is early days and I have only done a couple of posts one of which is below.

Maybe see you over there....

I change or transform my life symbol

My time browsing the Internet is never a fruitless or time wasting activity. The links I find enrich my mind and often serve to change my life. If I spent the time reading books it would not be seen in the same light at all. During this time of change I am searching for articles that inspire and inform me to keep me motivated and enable the process to keep moving.

Such a link cropped up this morning.

Choose to change...

"Like it or not, every choice you make, creates the life you live. Even when things happen to you and your life, your choice in how you deal with it determines the outcome. Since you only get to live your life one time, make your choices count."

Thursday.

2011-10-06T23:11:00.001+01:00

Had a less than perfect day today....

A migraine headache has been keeping me company all day and it's presence has drained me. This left me feeling tense and agitated and unable to deal with situations that arose in a way I would have liked to...

Having taken what seemed an age to get to sleep last night I was woken - shortly after sinking into oblivion - by Milly. A spider was crawling on her ceiling - a situation that causes great panic - and she needed help to move it. I knew the headache was starting when I got back into bed and should have got back up to get a tablet - it might have been enough to keep it at bay. I was just tooo tired and decided instead to stay in bed and try to get back to sleep. Obviously the brewing headache ensured that sleep was not easy to come by. I kept trying though - reluctant to get out of the warm bed - sure I would fall asleep imminently. I eventually dozed off , had a very unsettled night and woke far too early, unable to return to sleep.

Milly and I have been rubbing each other up the wrong way over the last week or so. Faults on both sides ( hormones raging in both cases!) and a lack of communication has led to some heated moments. Nothing extreme - it has just been difficult to find a way to put emotions to one side to find a way through.

Today it all came to a head....

Conversations have been had, frustrations have been voiced and a way forward has being found.

A bad day is just a day where you have been thinking more negative thoughts than positive ones.

Anonymous Quote.

Milly added the last words on the post....

Love U Momma from Milly

Random choice Joyfully Rejoycing page....

2011-10-06T11:28:00.000+01:00

Joyfully rejoycing

With freedom comes responsibility

With freedom comes responsibility. If your kids are not going to use their freedom to choose their own bedtimes wisely, they really can't have that freedom.

I agree with this. But a parent stuck with a head full of conventional parenting practices will translate that idea into action very differently than someone with more a peaceful parenting philosophy so it needs some expansion if someone is trying to find peaceful ways of handling things.

If the need for Dad to have uninterrupted sleep is seen as a rule then the best options to get that for him are forceful and coercive.

If the need for Dad to have uninterrupted sleep is seen as an unquestioned fact of life -- like something dropped will fall -- then the situation looks and feels different. We can react differently to what our kids are asking for.

It's the difference between telling someone who can fly that they aren't allowed to and sympathizing with someone who wants to fly but can't.

Also if we see our kids as wanting to be kind, not wanting to be rude and hurtful to others and that sometimes they lack the skill to be kind and get something they want, we can treat them more respectful than if we assume they're being rude on purpose.

I'm having a little trouble figuring out what this distinction [between the two in the above sentence] might look like when put into practice. Can you help me out? This whole thread is very helpful for me as I try to learn a different way of doing things that respects my children but also sets the boundaries that I need in order to be a happy, healthy, good-mommy kind of person.

The distinction might be mostly in the emotions the situation arouses. We will naturally use different words when we're trying to sympathize with someone who wants to do something they can't and when we're trying to make them stop, e.g., trying to gain control over their actions.

"No, don't do that, I don't like it," are useful words. :-)

What kind of personal boundaries are you trying to set?

If we've been very controlling and suddenly stop, kids tend to ignore our requests to respect our preferences because it sounds like we're just trying a new tactic to control them. It might take a while before they can hear our words as a request for respect rather than an obey-me-or-else command.

Music for Simon...

2011-09-29T20:26:00.022+01:00

Thanks to everyone - here and on facebook - for your kind words.

Simon's funeral was held today.

The service took place in the church where Alan and I got married over 29 years ago. The way I remember it the church seemed so much bigger. In my memory the approach from the roadside to the church door was longer - it seemed to take ages to get from the car to the church door - maybe that was due to the photo's being taken. I don't remember the inside of the church as the whole service just flew by in a haze, I was so nervous :-)

In the heat of the wonderful sunshine we met with family members and awaited the arrival of the hearse.

The music was chosen to reflect Simon's musical favourites.

As we followed him in Westlife " I'll see you again " was played.

The music for reflection was Savage Garden "Truly Madly Deeply"

The hymn was Lord of all Hopefulness.

Leaving church was Robbie Williams Angels

At the crematorium two more Savage Garden songs were played.
The Animal song

So Beautiful

As I have compiled this I have listened to and read all the lyrics with tears streaming down my face. That's ok though it helps and I am sure I will come back to them again and do the same.
Preview isn't working so I hope it all shows up.... Edited to add - tried again to get the youtube clips on - fingers crossed?

Saying goodbye to Simon.....

2011-09-24T20:33:00.000+01:00

A week ago today we had a phone call that shocked us all.

Our Nephew - Alan's brother's son - had taken his own life.

In the early hours of the morning he had taken a ladder and rope and walked to a tree a couple of hundred yards from the house he lived in.

He was only twenty five.

We travelled through late that afternoon to be with Al's brother.

Lisa very kindly looked after Milly. She had wanted to go but was also concerned about how she would react with people who would be so very upset - she feels other peoples emotions so deeply.

J divorced from Simon's Mum over 20 years ago. For various reasons we lost contact with her. Over the years we saw Simon and his Sister on occasions when they were with J. Alan's family history is a difficult and complicated story - suffice to say J has little contact with the rest of his family apart from Alan.

In the last week we have been in constant contact with J by phone.

Simon's body was to be taken back to his mothers house on Thursday, to be laid in his childhood bedroom. We wanted to go to see him and to be there as support for J. It was quite difficult knowing we would be seeing people we hadn't seen for so many years and in such tragic circumstances. We knew that all differences have been put aside and they have been united in their grief and to do what is right for Simon now.

We were apprehensive as we approached the house - we could see the hearse just leaving and knew Simon had just been brought home. We had arranged with J and J ( his ex) that it would be ok to visit him but it felt intrusive somehow. We were also - understandably I think - nervous about seeing Simon.

We were greeted warmly at the door by Simon's Gran who welcomed us in. Walking in to the house the memories came flooding back of the times I stayed with them when the children were small. I spent time with them when Alan was at sea and J was away in the Army. I saw Simon and his Sister N play fighting with each other on the sofa and Simon running through the dining room to go out to the yard. I remembered all the times J and I had nattered and drank coffee whilst the children played. I had expected it to be emotional but hadn't expected the way the images came so quickly and realistically, tears flowed as we greeted everybody.

I felt so emotional to see everybody and I felt so useless - I so wanted to say something to make it better - but of course nothing could.

J, J and N were all upstairs with Simon when we arrived. We had coffee and sat with the rest of the J's family and waited. Simon's Gran said how glad she was that we had come and how important it was for J to have the support from his family at this time.

They all came downstairs and I just wanted to hug them all tightly.

I felt so conscious that it had been many years since we had seen each other but as I hugged J ( Simon's Mum ) it was as if the years had melted away.

We eventually made our way upstairs and stood next to the casket. Alan's Brother J had affectionately said Simon was looking the smartest he ever had done. It was true, he looked so handsome in his smart black suit. He looked peaceful and - although it was heatbreaking to see him - for us it has helped in the whole grieving process.

We had more tea and talked with members of the family before taking J ( Al's brother ) to the place Simon took his life. We had some flowers to lay. Simon's Uncle on his Mums's side also came with us.

It was good to see where it had happened and to peice together his movements that night.

No one has any idea why Simon took his life. After a few tough years things were on the up for him. People who spoke to him on the days prior all say he was upbeat and had no sign of depression. He had some special needs but had amazing support and love from all his close relatives. His Dad spoke to him every day on the phone and saw him nearly every day.

It might be that an answer will never be found and although it is hard not knowing why he did it the sad fact is that knowing will not bring him back.

The funeral is to be held on Thusday with over one hundred and fifty people likely to attend. Milly has said she would like to go but we have told her she can change her mind at any time. My Mum has kindly offered to come with us and if Milly feels overwhelmed she will be able to take her back to their house.

Do not stand at my grave and weep

Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there, I did not die.

Mary Frye, American poet (1904 - 2004)

Up, down and round and round!

2011-09-23T22:16:00.001+01:00

Thursday dawned bright and warm :-)

Up and out to the Pleasure beach!!

Parked up under the supports for The Pepsi Max.

Perfect for a bit of posing.

After getting wristbands etc it was on with the fun! The two girls were eager to get on the big rides and it was easier for me to follow them whilst Liz, Patrick and Catherine went together.

First ride...

The Big Dipper.

This little fella sang to me whilst they were being thrilled :-)

My view of the twists and turns and ups and downs...

Hi Mum!

Bye Mum!

Repeat scene of Milly running back on about 5 more times :-)

Not the best picture but I do like to take a few self portraits wherever we go - Milly and Amy find this habit hilarious for some reason :-))

Wild mouse about ten times for the girls.

Whilst I got to watch the musical water feature :-)

Next - onwards and definately upwards!!!

I sat in the sun and admired the water feature - a theme evolving...

Whoo hoo....

The twist on the Pepsi Max was right in front of me....

The girls went flying...

I went for some food and saw another version of the musical water feature :-) I think at this point I had met up with Liz and the children whilst Milly and El flew around getting on as many rides as they could. My memory is hazy - I was very tired by now ;-))

After the girls had eaten we made it over to the other side of the park...

They're off...

More thrills and spills until the park closed at five and onto the last ride to finish on a high :-)

Back home after a really lovely day and another evening at the amusements on site. Milly trying to win key rings from the 10p machines. Patrick, El and I all joined in to help - she had the knack and won quite a few along with lots of 10p's to enable her to keep playing :-) Liz, Cat and I headed home and the girls and Patrick stayed for a while longer.

A fabulous day of fun :-)

Water park wash out....

2011-09-23T22:07:00.001+01:00

The plan for Wed was to have a very relaxed start and then to head off to the Sandcastle water park.

I woke with a stonking headache at four in the morning and although I took pills it didn't shift. I went back to bed and managed to get back to sleep.

In the morning I made the girls some sausage sarnies and then I can't quite remember what happened. I do remember lying down in the lounge and I think the girls played and chatted around me ;-)

They then went off to Liz's van to hang out and Liz came to mine for a cuppa and a chat. After a while we talked about plans for the afternoon and checked out the closing time for the water park.

They closed at 4.30!! It was gone one and we still hadn't eaten yet and would have the half hour or so journey time as well, so it really wasn't doable. No point paying the entry fee for what would have been an hour or so:-( A few other ideas were discussed but in the end I think we decided to hang out til it was time to go for fish and chips in Bispham. The weather was horrendous and my headache meant I was more than happy to take more pills in an attempt to get it under control and just lounge around for the afternoon. Liz and Cat went swimming and Milly and El came in to watch a DVD and ended up having a tickle fight :-))

By about 4 ( I think ) we headed off to town.

Liz acted as my guide every day and I followed her on the journey from the site into Blackpool - it made it so easy for me and I was so grateful :-)

A tram appeared more or less as we approached the stop. Getting on the tram was not the smooth operation it could have been though.

We attempted to get on but Milly felt she needed the loo and found the prospect of getting on the tram and not being able to get off (we asked the ticket collector he confirmed this would not be possible ) during the journey too much to handle and there were a few tears :-(

Throughout the holiday Liz ( and the children ) had been so understanding of Milly's anxiety and didn't bat an eyelid when we had to let the tram go. I have to admit at this point ( being very tired by now ) my patience was wearing thin and to have her support and understanding helped enormously....

We did find out from another conductor there was actually a ticket option that would enable us to get off if needed and headed off to find a loo.

Finally we got on a tram and Milly loved it ( she is now keen to take Alan on one when they visit again together ) and we made it to the restaurant. The weather was awful but the food at the chippy was delish! A massive slice of Strawberry cheesecake to complete the meal meant I could hardly move :-))

Then the evening took a rather unfortunate turn. Into the gale and rain we went, hoping to get on a tram to view the Illuminations. We saw one coming and were pleased we wouldn't have to hang around too long :-) The tram went sailing past with the driver gesticulating and pointing behind :-(

I assumed he meant we were at the wrong tram stop should have been at the one further along. There were other people at the stop who did move off to the other one but we weren't too sure what to do. The rain was lashing down and the wind was howling. The children were tired and bored and Milly needed the loo and was getting more and more anxious, we didn't know how long it would be before another tram made an appearance and the road was blocked with tail to tail traffic viewing the lights. We only had 45 minutes left on the parking tickets on the cars and ran the risk of getting a fine.....

Nightmare!!!

Over an hour we watched Illumination tour trams passing and got excited every time we saw the lights of one thinking it was one we could get on, only to have hopes dashed as they drew closer and we could see it was a tour tram :-( There were loads of other folk waiting with us as well. No one knew what was going on - the trams usually run every fifteen minutes... The children got cranky - I got cranky - Liz got cranky. The kids had to run off to an alley when they needed to go to the loo. It was not a situation you would want to be in but we had no choice apart from walking - we were always hopeful a tram would appear though and didn't want to risk moving off and missing it ...

Eventually an inspector came and explained that one tram had broken down and four had got backed up behind it. How happy we were to hear a tram should be there in ten minutes. Not one but four trams turned up! Ah well at least we got to choose which one to go on and got to go to the top at the front toget a great veiw the lights :-)

Happy children and happy Mum's.

Within minutes there were ohhhs and ahhhs as we saw the lights and it was as if the last hour had never happened - how quickly moods can change :-)

Back home around 10.30 and Milly went to sleep with Liz and the children in their van.

I spent time transferring my photos of the night onto the laptop ( to free up space on my phone for the next day ) before going to bed.

To cap off the things that went wrong that day I can't find the folder anywhere in my system!!

Ah well, not the evening we might have wished for but it was spent with good friends and there were still giggles and high points :-))

Oh I do like to be beside the seaside - even in a gale:-)

2011-09-21T19:52:00.001+01:00

Day two...

Wonderful sounds coming from the Blackpool high tide organ :-)

Glad we got to hear it. We did pass by it again in the following days but never heard it again...

First glimpse of the Pepsi max - gulp!

Milly and El contemplate the idea of going on when we go later in the week - no such contemplation for me - it is a very definite no thanks ;-))

The rain was holding off and although it was very windy we set off to ~~walk~~ get blown along the prom :-)

Such force behind the wind that you could lean into it and be held up.

A really blustery walk, so exhilarating. We could literally taste the sea as the spray was being whipped up and blown into our faces :-)

Evasive action needed - hoods up girls...

As we walked we talked about changing plans to go to Bispham for Fish and chips that evening - we had planned to wait around ( hoping to spend some time on the beach ) til it was dark and get a tram back to see the illuminations. It really was wild and we had a long time to fill in with no hope of getting on to the sand:-( We decided to leave it til the next day and set off later in the afternoon to go to The Sandcastle water park so we had less time to fill in before dark.

We made it to the Aquarium in one piece and were very ready to get out of the wind to warm up a little :-)

Cleaner shrimp making a meal of Milly's hand. I tried it too, funny feeling, nippy but not painful, quite pleasant really..

In need of a cuppa - I was hoping for coffee ( to give me an energy boost ) and cake - not for any other reason than I wanted cake:-)).

Disappointment that there was no cafe only a couple of vending machines and tables and chairs. Shame - every other aquarium I have been to has had a nice cafe with food and cake.

Decided not to spend money on something that wasn't going to hit the spot. However the shop managed to give all the children something to make them smile:-) Milly spotted the Build a Bear section immediately - something she has wanted to do for ages - and so.... Crossbones was born:-) Milly bought him a pirates outfit and that inspired his name...

Outside in search of coffee. No luck - but we found a rock shop for the children to buy ice-cream . Never mind the gale force winds and driving rain we're at the seaside:-)) While they ate and searched for rock in the shop, I ordered some doughnuts for Liz and I. Hot sugary doughnuts mmmmmm.

We couldn't face the long windy walk back and talked about getting a tram but in the end we hailed a taxi to take us back to the car.

We made our way back to the caravan park and ate at the restaurant on site with Liz's Mum. The children then spent time in the amusements and we joined them for a while. Unfortunately a nasty fall for a little one ended in tears :-( We all headed back to the vans. The three older children set off on their own to hang out in the amusement arcade and walk around the site. Not often they get the chance to do anything like that and they loved it. It became their * thing* and they wanted to do it again over the next few nights :-)

El spent the night with us in our van and remarkably - after a reminder from me of the deal we had made ( the walls of a caravan are so flimsy that I could hear everything and if they were going have a sleepover it would have to actually involve some sleep! ) they were asleep by 12.30.

Must have been all that sea air :-)

Blackpool...The journey down...

2011-09-20T12:19:00.001+01:00

The day dawned and nerves about the journey were there but they were under control and I felt excited as well.We couldn't check into to the caravan til four and had decided to have a leisurely start to the day and set off around eleven. We knew that Milly would be anxious and that we would be stopping off at many service stations on the way down ( we had the route planned and knew where the stops were - she could work out how far in between them - which helped her enormously ) Our first stop at Rheged had been planned. We had done the journey before and she was confidant of getting there without feeling too anxious.

We initially talked about stopping for the loo and moving onto the first services on the M6 before eating. Whilst in the loo Milly saw an advert for a display of film costumes that was on at the moment. We decided to have a look...

This is not a good picture but Rheged is a really interesting place to visit. Lots of shops and cafes, interesting architecture and a giant screen cinema.

Milly loves an escalator;-)

The gallery was right at the top. A lovely surprise when we went to pay for a ticket in the form of a very good friend who had just started working there :-)

The exhibition was in a lovely open space and was well set out with good lighting. We enjoyed seeing the amazing detail of the clothing and recognising the costumes of the films we had seen.

After a whizz round we bought a postcard with a picture of the red dress from Tess that was Milly's favourite, said goodbye to E and headed back down - intending to go to the car. Passing the restaurant reminded Milly she was peckish and would love the mini fish and chips :-)

I wasn't hungry and decided against eating but had a coffee whilst she ate. The restaurant is set near a pond with a small waterfall, a nice setting to watch the gale force gusts of wind pelt rain at the large windows ;-)

Back in the car and onto the part of the journey I was dreading - getting onto the M6. Luckily it wasn't too busy and we navigated the roundabout and got onto it without too much problem - my heart was thumping and took quite some time to settle down though :-)

We stopped at every service station on the way down. I would have preferred not to as it doubled the journey time - making it over 4 hours - and meant coming off the motorway three times. The weather was atrocious - gale force gusts of wind rain and surface water causing spray that was impossible to see through at times. However - on the plus side - it meant the journey was less stressful for Milly and enabled me to stretch and probably helped to ease the pain I felt at the end of the journey. I was well rested after having had a quiet weekend in preparation and full of patience. I also got plenty of practice getting back on the motorway :-)

We arrived at the site to find a large que of traffic waiting to check in. By this time I was flagging. I was stressed and patience was not high, then a guard sent me off the main route to find somewhere to park up, I forgot his directions and got lost - could have cried at this point. I eventually found somewhere to park up and made my way to check in.

Milly was only concerned - quite rightly - with texting El so she did that whilst I stood in line and they all met up outside :-)

Can't remember much of the first night, I know Liz and the children visited us in our van, I unpacked and I think there was an outing to the amusements on site.

I had challenged myself and done something that made me very scared and after all the emotions and physical exertion I thought I would sleep like a log. It seems I was too wired after the journey though

and it took me a while to get off . Earplugs meant I didn't hear the gale outside - although the caravan bopped about most of the night ;-)) - eventually I dozed off and slept til four'ish - loo and headache pill then back into dreamland til about 8 - tired and achey but ready to start day 2 :-)

Blackpool by the sea.....

2011-09-10T19:23:00.000+01:00

Sunny Blackpool here we come!!!

Ok, wishful thinking as the forecast is for wind and rain, but we won't let that little fact dampen our enthusiasm :-)

Liz and the children and Liz's mum are already enjoying the delights of Blackpool and we travel down on Monday to join them for four nights. I am hoping for half decent weather on the way down. I am stretching myself and stepping out of my comfort zone by driving us down and it would help if it weren't raining too hard - here's hoping! We will take it easy, there is no rush and we will be stopping off regularly. So - in theory - I should arrive as relaxed as is possible.Time will tell....

On the agenda are the Pleasure beach - main reason for going for Milly - the Aquarium and the Sandcastle water park - second reason for Milly :-)

A tram ride, culminating in fish and chips at Cleveleys, before a return journey to view the Illuminations.

The caravan site has a pool as well as amusements so we have a lot to fit in during our stay! We all have separate caravans, so plenty of time for rest and quiet time too ;-)

I can't remember the last time I went to Blackpool - it has to be about 20 years ago!!

Should be a great week with buckets of fun and maybe - weather depending - buckets and spades ;-))

Picture blog...

2011-09-07T22:00:00.000+01:00

Some pictures from the last week or so...

Whinlatter forest park with friends last week.

Walks down the lane with Beauty.

Walby farm park with Friends.

These were taken whilst we were waiting for them to arrive...

This one especially for Katherine :-)

Not back to School day(s)

2011-09-05T10:28:00.000+01:00

The Schools round here don't go back til Wed/Thurs but we will celebrate from today as most schools seem to be going back today :-)

Nothing special planned - Milly still snoozing and likely to be for some time after a late sleepover on Saturday night. I think I might make a chocolate fudge cake and then we can take a walk out later with Beauty ( likely to be a wet walk as the weather is very changeable ) and come back in for hot chocolate and fudge cake :-)

Nothing extravagant, a simple pleasure as a way to celebrate our choice and the freedom that enables.

Walk and talk.....

2011-08-31T20:37:00.001+01:00

We had plans to meet friends for a walk in the forest today. Milly had started with a very sore throat and headache yesterday and when I woke this morning I wasn't sure she would be up to going. I woke her as late as I could leaving her enough time to *come round*. She likes to have time before we leave the house - she really hates being rushed in a morning.

Can't say I enjoy it either:-)

I woke her and lay with her to read the book we have on the go. We decided we should give it a go and if she felt unwell we could just come home.

We haven't seen these friends for quite a long time ( far to long!) and were excited to meet up :-)

Whinlatter Forest has had a bit of a makeover and has a fabulous range of new play equipment.

We walked and talked and played and their very lovely and bouncy Labradoodle made himself known by launching himself on us at various points round the walk :-))

The weather stayed dry and we made our way around some of the paths through the forest before heading to the cafe for a sandwich. Then more walking and we reluctantly said goodbye with plans to get together again soon :-)

Home to make tea - lemon and thyme oven roasted veg and potatoes, chicken thighs in a garlic gravy, and steamed cabbage and broccoli.

A quiet evening ahead - Milly and Alan are watching a Buffy episode together. Next on my agenda - a long hot bath and a meditation I found online.....

Bit of history, with added cake:-)

2011-08-29T21:52:00.001+01:00

We have had a very enjoyable day with Liz and the children at Birdoswald Roman Fort.

I was not functioning at full capacity today... Brain on a go slow and not on top form - a tad grumpy if truth be told.;-) It does make things difficult, but not impossible!

We met early afternoon and had a good time exploring the Fort and Milly saw the Wall for the first time:-)

Foundations to be viewed,

and hills to be rolled down ;-)

Exploring the museum and the fort foundations was enjoyable and then it was time for a cuppa and cake in the cafe. The girls chose ice creams and took off to go for another walk along the wall.

After an hour or so we all met up and took a drive to a pub to have tea together.

Good food, very friendly service and - most importantly - homemade twice cooked chips ;-)

We said goodbye to them and headed to get our weekly food shopping at Tesco's on the way home. Wouldn't have been the first choice after a busy day but bad planning on my part - I forgot I usually do the shop on a Monday ( and the cupboards are bare) when I arranged to go out today - we are out and about over the next few days as well and have no chance to fit it in.

The positive side was that it was nearly closing time and we managed to get the shop done quickly in a very quiet store :-)

Paying a visit to friends tomorrow.

It has been quite a while since we got together, so it will be good to catch up.

Sunday.

2011-08-28T22:56:00.000+01:00

Every so often Milly and Alan plan a day out together. Today was such a day.

They headed off around ten to go to a car boot sale. A very large car boot sale held outdoors. One and a half hours walking round netted a book for Al and a rather nice leather bracelet for Milly. Not a great haul but a very good time together. Chippy for lunch and then on to the beach for a walk.

While they were out I was kept busy all day with baking - a special chocolate fudge cake for my Sisters birthday celebration, some sweet potato cakes and buns. I also made a Pasta putenesca sauce for later in the week. I got a couple of coats of paint on the table from the sun room, in between doing various other jobs.

The wanderers returned late afternoon, full of their day :-)

Out to my Middle Sisters house tonight to celebrate my little Sisters birthday. A really lovely night full of laughter. I am so lucky to have such wonderful Sisters - their husbands aren't bad either ;-)

Splish, splash, splosh!

2011-08-27T22:54:00.000+01:00

Sunny Saturday morning!

Al up early- painting the window surrounds - trying to get as much done as possible before the weather changes.

I got up with plans to do a little housework and then set about painting a coffee table I bought a while ago for the sun room.

As often happens plans had to be changed and the day took a different turn.

Beauty had been licking and nipping her paws for a few days. The same thing happened last year about this time and we bathed her with tea tree and lavender and it went away quite quickly. We had assumed it was something from the fields that had caused an allergic reaction.

This morning it was obvious something was causing her a great deal of discomfort - even though Milly had bathed her paws a couple of days ago - and she was biting in between the pads. Luckily when I rang the Vet they had an appointment for 12.40. Al's bike had failed it's MOT, it had been fixed and was due to be picked up so we combined the two things in a trip to town. I woke Milly and made her eggy bread before we set off. I sat in the car whilst Milly and Al took Beauty in for the appointment and eventually - half an hour late - the Vet diagnosed Harvest mites as the problem, sprayed her feet and gave us pills to give her. Beauty had got quite agitated - very nervous temperament - and before trying to cut her nails the vet put on a muzzle. Apparently she began to growl and became very aggressive and the vet managed to do one paw and then had to give up as she was becoming too stressed. So £30 later and one stressed out doggie we moved on to pick up Al's bike, good to go but a £170 bill.....

Ouch!

Money flowing out like water....

Back home and we - luckily - remembered that the pool closes at 5.30 on a Saturday. We had a quick lunch before Al got back to the painting and Milly and I headed into town to look for a new sketch pad and go swimming. We looked in The works and she found a notebook that was just perfect to write a story she had been working on. Wilkinsons had the sketch pad she wanted. A nice quick shopping trip ;-)

The pool was busier than it normally is. There were about 4 people swimming lengths. It makes it a little more difficult for us to do our thing but we manged to find a corner and eventually a couple of folk got out giving us more room to play ;-))

Time for a breather so the new notebook came out and the start of the story was recorded whilst I went in the Sauna.

Then - after a cold shower it was time for us to head in here...

More swimming and playing followed. Lots of love and kisses and cuddles today, she said she was in a very cuddly, loving mood:-)

Pulling a face as I took another photo :-)

ipod in to listen to a story and draw in the new sketch pad whilst I listened to a meditation. So nice that we are able to lie side by side relaxing.

Pool to ourselves now....Milly then went back in .

She likes to go down the steps and fall forward half way down making a massive splash. I tried to capture it but failed :-)

A trip to Morrisons for some bits and bobs then home for tea. Al was still up a ladder but got cleaned up and they both went out for a walk with Beauty just as the heavens opened. Wet walk and talk ;-)

Tea whilst watching Dr Who.

Milly not at all keen to watch next weeks one after seeing the trailer for it though!

Home days.....

2011-08-26T23:04:00.001+01:00

After all the fun and games of the past week it was time to recoup:-)

We had a couple of home days and have spent them very quietly. Milly has been in Buffy heaven... A friends son has lent her the full series on Video. So her days/nights have involved lots of vampire slaying ;-))

I have been sleeping quite soundly but waking early . A little frustrating as I am so tired but I have spent my mornings ( whilst Milly snoozes on ) in my nightie. I have been watching morning TV - not something I normally do - but I have been eating breakfast and browsing for a while as well. I have got around to doing little jobs that have needed doing for ages but have been put on the back burner for one reason or another. The stainless steel cooker hood and back splash have been cleaned and oiled, the glass doors in the hall have been cleared of finger prints, paw prints and other unidentified smears;-) Meals have been prepped in the morning ready for tea. The usual jobs like washing and dusting have been slotted in, a bit at a time. No urgency to get things done - just pottering - with plenty of time to rest up. Book reading, long baths and meditation.

When my Nana died I was given a sewing chest of hers filled with knitting needles, crochet hooks, and all manner of embroidery kit. Many memories stirred for me of summer holidays spent crafting with her :-) My Mum has started knitting again and we took her the selection of needles. Milly asked to attempt knitting again and I kept a pair of the thicker needles. Over the last week we have knitted the Monster high girls some blankets and knitted, then sewed and stuffed, cushions for them. It is left out and one or other of us picks it up whenever the urge strikes :-)

I went to the pool on my own after tea tonight - Milly chose to have a walk with Al and watch Buffy rather than join me on this occasion. I swam a little before spending time in the sauna. A cold shower and straight into the jacuzzi for a while before a couple of lengths to cool down again. The hot/cold routine has proved to help me with hot flushes and other symptoms I get because of M.E.

I take my phone in with me and lay on a lounger listening to a guided meditation and tonight I had time to listen to an eclectic mix of music including, Amy Steinburg, Pink, Micheal Buble and Arctic Monkeys. Two hours flew by - very nice to have that time on my own but I did miss my little playmate :-)

Plans for tomorrow include - amongst other things - fiinshing painting the exterior of the house for Al and Milly and I will be going swimming and shopping. She has been drawing - creating some lovely new characters and is in need of a new sketch book. Dr who is back on in the evening so we have a date to watch that together :-)

Sunday is a Dad and Daughter day. Car boot sale, beach walk, lunch out, and then another beach walk have been planned :-)

2011-08-24T22:40:00.000+01:00

Friends came to play...

We ate lunch at ours and the kids played for a while before we headed out. It wasn't the hottest of summer days - however it was mild and we're not ones to let the weather stop us - so we set off on the planned outing to the beach!

The girls are hardy and were in the water within minutes!

They were splashing and swimming for well over an hour. After a quick clean up and change of clothes it was time to hit the ice cream shop and saunter a short way along the road to a play park.

After a while hunger pangs encouraged us to move on to the next town where we could eat fish and chips overlooking the Harbour.

We then walked to another park Milly had been keen to show them. Unfortunately it was short lived as they came to close it five minutes after we got there:-(

A pity, but there will be another time....

Milly wanted to take them to a park near home. However Liz was in dire need of a cuppa so we made plans to head back to ours with a promise of a trip to the park and then they could set off on their two hour journey home from there.

We got to the park about seven thirtish and reluctantly the girls came away around nine thirty!!

Pleasurably exhausted at the end of a very full day :-)

Days full of joy!

2011-08-21T17:28:00.000+01:00

We have had a bit of a sleepover fest recently.

Last weekend we had another wonderful stay with friends over in the Northeast. A two night sleepover became three and included a very tasty Sunday roast dinner together. Emily and I travelled home on the Monday in good weather and in good spirits. We are really enjoying our journey's together. So glad I have stepped out of my comfort zone to travel further afield. It is working well, so long as I have plenty of rest time after the journey. Another big leap out of the comfort zone when I take us to Blackpool to join the same friends for a Caravan holiday there next month :-)

Back home and a couple of days just taking things easy. Being at home in PJ's til late - visiting the pool for a swim, reading by the pool for Milly and a guided meditation on my phone for me - spending time chatting together in the sauna, jacuzzi and steam room. Some impromptu shopping after a visit to the library to buy Milly some funky boots with a small heel. Friday and a planned sleepover with Amy at ours. The girls called on another friend in the village and all came back here to hang out, which then obviously led to an invite for her to join them for the night ;-))

After a while Alan and I retired to the living room and watched a film - whilst they did what they do on a sleepover ;-)) Didn't hear much from them really. I left them at 12.15 and got in a bath and didn't hear a peep out of them. They got to sleep around 3ish apparently.....

I woke at 9.30 feeling very groggy after an obviously deep sleep and as I looked at the clock I noticed a cup of tea on the beside table. I was racking my brains to remember having brought a cup up to bed with me, I thought my problems with memory loss had taken another turn!

I went down to get the breakfast ready for the girls and they were already eating. Alan had got up and walked Beauty then got back and brought me a cuppa in bed - apparently I did acknowledge that but obviously fell back to sleep! He then made porridge for the girls. They had enjoyed it but Milly said she had been hoping I would make pancakes. I said I would make eggy bread which they were very happy about and all had a mammoth potion of that as well!

The table had been moved and the dining room had become a bedroom - this always works best on a weekend when Alan isn't at work and getting up at 6 - they don't disturb us and can giggle to their hearts content.

The sun room was a Bratz and Monster high world with little set ups all over the room....

After a leisurely morning, I took them into town and they headed off to shop for sweets and stuff and I went to get some food shopping. We made plans to meet at the park. When I met them they had arranged to meet Millie ( older teenage friend ) after she had finished work at the Toy shop in town. That was fine - however it meant hanging around in town. I only had two pound coins in change and that wasn't enough to pay for parking for the three hours I needed to be there for. I had seen the parking attendant around so wasn't keen to chance getting a parking fine. As I decided what to do they got thier gear together and Milly got changed. Amy offered me a boiled sweet ( they had been to the Old sweet shop in town ) I accepted it and as I popped it in my mouth they were keen to know if I liked it. Hmmm, alarm bells rang - what had they done with it? Nothing - honestly, came the reply!

They headed off to the river and I sat in the car and killed time til I could put 2 hours on the parking which would give us just enough time to see Millie when she finished. Then I headed down to the river to see them.

I expected to find them swimming but apparently it was cold and the current was fast so they hadn't been in long. They were all keen to know if I had enjoyed the sweet and what it had tasted like. I said it was like an aniseed ball I remembered from my youth. The looks on their faces told me they had done something with it. Through thier laughter they told me it was a Mcfarty fart sweet!!!! They had been given them for free from the lady in the sweet shop and Milly and Emma had tried them and spat them out but Amy had kept hers and Emma and Amy though it would be a hoot to try it out on me!!

I sat on the bench admiring the view for a while. Cockermouth castle was just the other side.

A turret of Jennings brewery was in view looking the other way.

I saw the girls coming towards me and knew that there wasn't going to be much more swimming and I was very aware that we had two hours to fill in!!

That's when the madness began!

Filling in time til Millie finished work.

What a giggle we had ;-)

It got cooler and a decision was made to go and sit in the car for a while. I joked that if the sweet began to work it's magic I would lock them in with me and not open the windows ;-))

Good times were had on this here bench. Of course it had to be photographed for posterity!!

More hilarity in the confines of the car!! Oh so giddy...

I got a serious crick in my neck trying to photograph them all :-)

They are crazy chicks but such good company!

Finally they went onto the park and left me in peace :-)

I watched them from the car and eventually Millie finished work and came to spend a while with them. Plans in the pipeline for a sleepover in Oct with all of them together at our house.....

Back home to ours via Aldi for the last of my shopping and a pack of pringle like crisps for them to share.They hung out for another hour or so and then the two girls went home. We ate and shortly after 7.30 Milly was tucked up in bed. She came back down at about 10.30. She had been asleep but she said she wasn't tired and didn't want to go back to sleep. She was very emotional and obviously very tired. I said I would lie with her til she nodded off but she asked me to read to her. I went up with her and within a couple of pages she had turned over and snuggled down to sleep :-)

I love to record days like this.

A good day - full of joy :-)

Another sleepover tonight when most gorgeous Nephew comes for a film night. No film organised yet but there is always film 4 OD or Love film Watch now. We do however have crisps, prawn crackers, and three different flavours of chocolate. We might even melt some with cream to dip strawberries in, Mmmmm.

Oh, by the way... The Mcfarty sweet didn't quite have the desired wind effect, but I have had an almighty sore tummy today !

Newcastle with Amy

2011-08-07T23:19:00.000+01:00

Amy stayed with us on the Sunday night and we woke bright and breezy - well almost breezy :-) - at 7.30. That is a time of the day Milly and I rarely see!. Breakfast and then off we go. Alan drove us to the station and waved us off from the platform :-) It brought back many memories for us - I waved him off so many times when we were courting and he was heading to different parts of the country. He was in the Royal Navy and there were many tears spilt on various platforms over the years.

The girls settled in and I sat opposite. I had my ( well technically it's Milly's ) Kindle and my phone with music and guided meditations on. The train was busy but I did manage to do a meditation :-)

We ate at the station, put our bags in the left luggage and set off to find the shops!!

Milly was on a mission to find Argos to buy a monster high doll. Amy ( being the generous type of gal that she is ) was ok with it being first on the agenda.

We ended up visiting two Argos stores but neither of them had the required doll. Disappointment and a slight dip in the excitement for Milly. Primark next - such a busy, messy place!! However Ames found a lovely outfit of purple skinnies and a couple of T'shirts. Milly tried a lot of things on but was not really that keen on any of them and decided to save her money for the next store. Claires soon perked her up - a new bag and some stationary, notebook, hair slides, headband and super novelty sunglasses were purchased. The sunglasses were priced at £4 but the lady on the till pointed out they were on special offer 5 things for £5. She went back and checked out the other sale items and bought three things for herself and a belt and purse for Amy. Amy bought the bag she had wanted and a lovely set of flowery hair clips. We then went to Waterstones and enjoyed deciding on purchases there :-) Time to head back - quite a long walk back to the station to pick up luggage and then the short walk down to the Quay area.

Seemed much further with all the bags and luggage. Even travelling light I had a reasonable sized case on wheels and Amy had the biggest rucksack I have ever seen ;-))

Met up with Amy's Mum who was staying over as she had a couple of days placement ( work experience for her course ) at a barristers. A meal, a chat and then bed.

Amy decided to spend the night in her Mum's room across the hall from us. The sofa bed was not the most comfortable thing in the world. Milly started the night on the pull out section but then ended up with me in the double bed.

A good nights sleep - so glad I remembered my ear plugs as we overlooked the street.

Milly woke sporting a mohican look ;-))

Tuesday was to be Wet and wild day :-) After a very hearty breakfast we set off to walk to the metro. Found the whole ticket machine thingy a little confusing but were helped by some very friendly people.We found that the case on any occasion we got flummoxed, there was always a friendly person to help us out :-)

Six hours in wet and wild!! I didn't go in. I had decided it would be best to conserve my energy by sitting at the cafe/viewing area. Basically spent six hours in a Sauna!! I had jeans and a dress over so I took my jeans and shoes off and ( when it wasn't tipping with rain ) I sat outside. I had a paper and my kindle though and people watching passed the time. The girls had a wonderful time.

Metro back to town and then the walk back to the Quay's.

We slumped in seats in the lounge and decided not to go back to the room before eating ( it was about 8pm by now) We ate and then the girls had 20 Min's on the Internet before we got ready to go for a walk along the Millennium bridge. A wonderful warm evening to sit and admire the bridge and watch the world go by.

Can just make out the two girls in this one. They both loved spending time on the bridge. They both said it was the best part of the stay:-)

We enjoyed it so much the girls asked if they could go again before we left the next morning.

We hadn't noticed the night before but on the way to it there was an area made to look like a beach, complete with sand and a volley ball pitch :-)

We sat for a while before heading back to check out and get a taxi to the Centre for life.

We stored our cases in a crate there. £5 deposit but you get £4 back.

First up was a ride to the deep sea on the motion ride. That was only five minutes long. It was enjoyable but I ( and Amy ) have been on a roller-coaster one that was much better.

One of the exhibits enabled a little bit of acting out their own fast ride!

A Wallace and grommit exhibition was on which was quite good fun. We got to see both the shows that were on. The one in the Planetarium was about astronomy ( Milly needed to go to the loo within five minutes of it starting and Amy and I stuck it out but were glad it was only 20 mins long) The other in the science theatre was a display of science experiments to do with Pressure. Marginally better. Quite interesting - it lacked any pizazz though and was quite a low energy delivery. Mixed reviews and not sure we would do it again. Bearing in mind we had had a pretty full on couple of days and (certainly in Milly's case) energy was low, so maybe not the best shape to be in to take full advantage of all it had to offer...

We left earlier than we had planned to and made it to the station in time to get an earlier train home.

A quick call to Alan from the platform in Newcastle and he was waiting for us when we got back to Carlisle. We walked into town and treated Amy to a KFC meal where we all had great fun telling Alan about our trip. Spirits were very high in the car on the way home - lots of laughter .

Milly got out at Amy's when we dropped her off and they played out together with Amy's brother and sister and a few other friends til ten.

We are planning our next trip together. Blackpool is high on the list, but could be Glasgow or Edinburgh. Wherever we end up I am looking forward to it. Thoroughly enjoyed my time with both of them. Great fun and lots of giggles. Wonderful memories to treasure.

This Moment....

2011-08-05T14:25:00.001+01:00

{this moment}

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

We're heading to toon !!

2011-07-31T16:44:00.000+01:00

Last year Amy and her family and some friends spent time in Newcastle. They had a great time and when she was telling us about it the idea of us three going was formed. As is the case with these things sometimes, it was oft talked about but nothing concrete was planned. Until now!

We got a room in the Travelodge for £29 a night and train fare with my railcard is under £20...

I am in the middle of packing and preparing and planning for our three day trip tomorrow! Two giddy kippers are unaware ( rightly so ) of all the twists and turns my mind is taking trying to cover every eventuality - well those I can think of ;-))

Travelling when my energy levels are so low means that I have to think of any way possible to eliminate unnecessary stress or lengthy walks. I have phoned all the places we are visiting and checked that they have facilities to store cases/eat within our budget/get to easily on the metro. I rang and ensured the girls are old enough to go into Wet and wild without me - they are - I will be able to sit in the viewing area and read. It will be a long day, but at least not at all strenuous for me and I will enjoy seeing them have a good time. Hopefully the next time I go I will be on top form and will go in with them. I draw the line at going down the slides though and much prefer the sound of the jacuzzis :-)

The first afternoon is taken up with shopping - a whole list of shops to get round.Wet and Wild the next day with The Center for Life being our destination on the final day before travelling home.

I will have stocks of pills to relieve migraines/ headaches should one occur. Getting them regularly when my energy slumps at the moment. As long as I treat it quickly I am sure it will be ok.

We are ( for the first time EVER!) travelling light :-)

Phones are all charged and have credit so if we do by chance get separated whilst shopping we can find each other again.

Just got some ironing to do for Milly and a skirt of mine to hem up and I should be able to pack the case and have a long hot bath and read my book before I make tea.

I may not be as giddy as the girls but am quite excited non the less:-)

See you when we get back!

Just another day.

2011-07-28T21:14:00.000+01:00

I woke to the sound of the phone ringing downstairs. Mum was going to go into B&Q in Carlisle to get some paint for us and left a message to say she was going out and would ring me at ten to see if the paint had arrived on the delivery ( as had been promised by a member of staff yesterday ) I came down to ring B&Q to find out if that was the case.

I spoke to various people and after some calls to and from it was decided they couldn't find six tins of the paint we wanted ( Weathershield by Dulux on offer at 3 tins for 2 ) but could do a different size tin and the price was only £5 different. They would be waiting at the service desk for Mum to pick up with my name on....

Needless to say they weren't :-/ Mum rang me and double checked what it was we wanted and then rang back to say that six tins of the ones we had originally wanted had been found in the warehouse and with the three for two special offer - and a 20% discount voucher they had on promotion - the price was reduced from £149 to £79 !! Great result in the end...

Milly and Amy chatted/lounged/played/watched tv in PJs until Amy left at two thirty.

I had a really bad head and it was raining so the planned trip into town ( I had arranged to take them in before I remembered the car was in the garage!!! ) meant we would have had to go on the bus and the thought of having to hang around in town for two hours - to fill in time waiting for the bus back - did not appeal. Hoping to take them both in tomorrow afternoon.

When Amy left I set about baking. I did two sweet potato cakes, sweet potato muffins, coffee and walnut cake with coffee butter icing, made the tea and did copious amounts of washing up.

Milly drew her fashion designs whilst watching tv in the sunroom. We chatted and she sieved flour for me now and again:-)

Al came home and after a cuppa and cake he walked Beauty down to the garage in the next village to pick up the car.

Tea for us all and I started to do some paperwork and a shopping list. Al had a shower and arranged to play with Milly afterwards before they went on Education city for a while . Watching Torchwood was in the plans too. I had said I would have an early night.

Milly came through at 7.30 and said she was tired and was going to bed. I asked if she wanted me to read to her - which she did - so off we went. I left her to come and finish some research for our Newcastle trip on Monday.

Milly has just reappeared to watch Torchwood, she couldn't sleep.

I have not managed to get up there yet - but am on my way now :-))

Nothing exciting, just another day in the life of us....

A repeat performance with extras...

2011-07-27T21:26:00.001+01:00

The day started in a similar way to yesterday.

Alan had gone back into work and I got up about 8.30. I had to clear some paperwork and await a couple of calls before I could head out to the sun though.

By the time I got out the clouds had taken over. No matter, it was warm and I decided to listen to a guided meditation outside.

I had company. Miss Beauty got as close to me as she could - without actually sitting on me - and I meditated whilst stroking her:-))

Milly had asked to be woken by 10.30 which I did before I started. As she hadn't appeared by the time I had finished it was obvious she had fallen asleep again . I woke her and she then chatted to El on the phone before having breakfast and then calling Amy to see if she could come round.

Amy did come round and the two of them got in the pool.

After an hour or so Amy's little sister and brother made an unexpected but pleasurable appearance and joined in the fun for a while:-)

Morgan having a deliberate dunking/capsize as part of a game they were playing.

My Sister and Nephew arrived and Amy and Milly walked the two younger guys home before coming back to go in the pool some more!

I had a lovely chat with Paula and Alex ( I do love that boy ) no sooner sat down in the sun with a cup of tea than Alan arrived home.The day had flown in. The girls got out of the pool and joined us for a while before heading to another table to draw. Alex filled me in on all his latest exploits and then spent some time chatting with the girls.

Alan had to take the car into the garage so he drove there and took Beauty with him so he could have a long walk back with her.

Bratz and monster high play for the girls.

I started the tea. I had intended to have a BBQ but time had ran away and it was quicker to do on the griddle inside than waiting for the coals to be ready. We haven't had a BBQ this year - must rectify that!

We ate outside in the last of the evening sun.

I helped Alan to clear away all the cushions from loungers and chairs and picked up all the toys and lolly sticks from the grass. The pool was skimmed of debris and the cover put on. Washing was taken down from the line and the dinner pots were washed. It didn't feel like a chore though. I enjoy the tidying in the warmth of the evening after a long day in the sun, I find it quite therapeutic.

The girls have wangled a sleepover and are still outside on the grass doing what they do :-)

I have had a long hot bath.

I read my book then exfoliated and covered myself in cocoa butter with shimmer from the body shop.

I smell good and glitter like a twilight vampire in the sun:-))

A break in the weather tomorrow with rain forecast.

The forecast is good for the weekend though so fingers crossed for more blue skies.

A fabulous day!

2011-07-26T21:03:00.000+01:00

I woke to a wonderful sunny morning and had a choice to make. Should I get up and whiz around town and get the few bits I needed ( Alan was off Ill so would be there for when Milly woke) or should I head out and sunbathe for a while and head into town later on in the afternoon? Mmmm... tough one - not!!

I got my cossie on, took out my phone, book and some water and spread my blanket on the ground. By about ten o'clock I was bathed in sunlight.

My view from the ground :-)

I listened to a guided meditation on my phone and had a blissful hour on my own.

Alan came out to read his book in the sun and I went to wake Milly and made her breakfast - then the fun began :-))

Come and join me Mum....

It was soooo cold. I chickened out of sitting down.

I stood in and spun her round and round on the tyre.

Then I stood in the middle and held the tyre at the side of the pool whist she went round and round to make a whirlpool...

Round and

Round and then under the tyre

and round once more:-)

Never did make it into town...

A good day, a very good day, a fabulous day in fact :-))

Healing happens in mysterious ways!

2011-07-16T17:14:00.002+01:00

Whilst visiting friends in Northumberland last week I had the opportunity to spend a day on my own. In the morning I listened to a guided meditation on my phone, I like to listen to Amy Steinburg, Exactly afterwards. I was in a very calm and relaxed state when the next song came on.

I have listened to and enjoyed the song before. I hadn't purposely added it to my phone though, somehow - as I have been downloading the guided meditations onto my phone - other songs from Milly's collection have been added.

It came on and as I listened to the words a floodgate opened and I cried all through the song. I have listened to it since with a similar reaction . It has been cleansing. Somehow a song I never intentionally put on my phone has helped to clear some old *stuff* I didn't even know was still there!

For those of us who have ever felt - or do feel - less than perfect.

You're so mean

When you talk

About yourself

You are wrong

Change the voices

In your head

Make them like you

Instead

Remember to tell those you love just how perfect they are :-)

2011-07-15T23:08:00.000+01:00

We have had a really full on fun filled week :-)

Milly has had three sleepovers and has been swimming, walking, and playing throughout the days.

Our friends left their caravan this morning and came here for brunch. We enjoyed each others company for just over three hours and even after spending the week together it was sad to see them go.

Milly and I had an appointment to see our homeopath. We went into Sainsbury first to get something very quick and easy to do for tea. I got an indian box meal for Al and I and Milly choose from the chinese section. She wanted to try chilli breaded prawns with sweet chilli dip, peking duck pancakes and spring rolls. That might not seem too extraordinary - however Milly is not known for being adventurous in her food choices. We have always cooked the food she likes - sometimes the same thing for breakfast for weeks and then it will change and something else will be enjoyed daily for a while. We have given her the opportunity to try new tastes from our plates if she wanted to.

I bought all the things she chose today and we left them in the car and went off to our appointment.

As we walk around she often holds my hand or links arms with me - I love that she still feels happy doing that :-) We had a lovely chat with Dierdre and then made our way home.

We are both exhausted and when we got in she went to lie down ( she asked to be woken for tea if she fell asleep ) whilst I prepped tea and chatted with Al ( hardly seen him this week!) I popped up to see her and she had fallen asleep. Tea was ready shortly after so she might have been snoozing for 45 minutes or so. Al woke her and we sat down together to eat.

She ate the peking duck pancakes first ( she has had these before and for a period of time enjoyed duck breast roasted but went off it and hasn't eaten it for quite a while ) the prawns were rather chewy she said and she preferred the butterfly prawns she had tried in the past - she liked the coating though and picked it off and ate it leaving the prawns on one side. The spring rolls were ok, although there was something in them she didn't like and put to one side of her plate as well. In the past - had she tried something she didn't like - it would have put her off completely. As this was going on we chatted about our week. There was no mention about wastage or cost - we were pleased she had tried them. We talked about going to a chinese restaurant and trying some more authentic food.

If she had wanted something else to eat I would have made her something, she had eaten enough though. As she grows she is becoming more and more adventurous and choosing to add new foods into her diet.

After eating I was desperate to lie down. Milly wanted to go to her room to read and listen to The Composer is dead . As she took it from the bookcase she asked if we could all do some more from the quiz book - she ran upstairs to get it - my lie down could wait :-) We did the quiz and whilst she was answering questions she sorted out some Emily the strange writing paper and envelopes to write some letters. She also sorted through some manga postcards and chose a Lemony Snicket postcard to send to El.

After doing the quiz I came through to lie down to watch The apprentice on BBCi. Milly popped through with a letter for me:-) Then she said she was going to bed - she warned me there would be some noise as she was going to make her bed. Her room is directly above the living room and the floorboards are really quite noisy as she moves around.

I heard a great deal of noise and eventually she came down - it was now 9.30 - she said she had cleaned and dusted her room! She has taken everything off her shelves and dusted and had also cleared her chair of the mountain of clothes and the floor was cleared and the sleepover bed had been put away!! This is the first time she has ever dusted her room - she said she enjoyed it :-) We don't require Milly to do chores - we haven't for some years now . She said she had done it because she knew I was feeling unwell and didn't want me to feel I would need to do it for her....

She has just been down again ( 10.15 pm ) - I thought she had gone to sleep - apparently her and Al have just watched an episode of friends on her portable DVD player and she wanted to watch another before she goes to sleep. She asked if she could have some ice cream, as she went out get some I asked if she would get me some and she said " of course, would you like some melted nutella on it " I declined that offer but asked her to squeeze some toffee sauce on :-)

Milly continues to delight us. She has a considerate, helpful nature and is joy to be around.

Sun, sand, sea....Super!

2011-07-13T23:45:00.000+01:00

Boy oh boy am I tired!!

Oh so happily tired :-)

Friends from Northumberland are staying in a caravan nearby.

On Tues we had arranged to go to their caravan and spend the afternoon with them. Milly was due to spend the night with them. She had been very poorly over the weekend with a cough and cold . She had a high temperature and we had to miss a family get together and also a birthday celebration for a special friend on Monday.

Luckily, later on the Monday afternoon she perked up and we were able to take D his card and pressie and catch up - it has been far to long since we spent time with them!

A good nights sleep and Milly woke feeling better on the Tuesday - the reality was she would have to have been bedridden to have stopped her going to stay at the beach!

Well, there were many, many hours spent at the beach, clambering around the rocks, swimming and splashing. Eating together and an opportunity for long conversations whilst the children frolicked :-) I then left Milly to have a sleepover.

I had invited everybody here for lunch today. I woke early and was unable to get back to sleep. The sun was pouring through the window. A perfect day to spend time at the beach - and it is not often you get that opportunity..... I texted Liz to see how everybody would feel if I came to them with lunch instead of them having to come to me - that way they could swim again. Everyone was keen on that idea so I took all the makings for lunch and we ate before getting ready to go to Whitehaven.

A wonderful sunny afternoon.... A little shopping, a little walking, investigating around the Beacon museum, coffee, cake, ice creams, cola, wall climbing, a little more walking, missed teatime at Morrisons - weary now and no-one wanting to walk much further. Mcdonalds was closest so off we went. Then park play for some of us, shopping for others. All met up to go back to the caravan and then the plan was I would take El and Milly back with me for a sleepover. They decided to go down to the beach - just to say goodbye to it!

An hour and a half later, two very wet children! Showers and clean clothes then finally at 9.30 the journey home...

Milly was very happy to see Dad :-))

Two very tired girls have gone to bed with books and torches. I doubt Milly will be awake long! El ( a real night owl ) even looked tired :-) I am going up to tuck them in and then I am going to climb into bed myself.

Thinking a lie in is in order tomorrow:-)

Random page from Joyfully rejoycing... Respect and manners.

2011-07-10T22:08:00.000+01:00

This page came up this morning...

http://joyfullyrejoycing.com/respect/wanthertoactrespectfully.html

An excerpt from the page...

"Manners ... hmm. Kids really learn these by example. If you are polite, your children will learn to be polite.
Mostly true.

I've seen parents who are truly sweet and gentle and polite and the kids seem harsh and rude and demanding. I DO think parents ought to let kids know when they're being discourteous and actually talk to them about why courtesy is useful in lubricating social interactions and so on. In other words, I think my kids (who are generally very well-mannered) learned mostly from just living with parents who behaved with good manners, but I do think there are times for discussions AND times to bring things directly to kids' attention. And I do not think parents should let kids be really disruptive.

If a child IS being rude, for example, in a restaurant, and disturbing other customers -- I would not punish the child, no hand-slapping, no verbal reprimand (how many times have we seen parents being INCREDIBLY rude in telling their kids not to BE rude?). But I'd say, "Honey, that wasn't polite, it is bothering other customers." And if a child kept it up, I'd take him/her outside to run around a bit.

I'm not suggesting that parents do the "Go tell Mrs. Brown thank you," routine so much as giving information such as "Mrs. Brown would probably like it if you thanked her."

And even with much older kids, there are times they just don't think/realize what effect they might be having on others. So it isn't often, but occasionally I might STILL say,"So-and-so went to a lot of work for you, did you thank her enough?' And I might point out to them how other people's lack of manners impacts how people respond to them -- point out how people are more eager to do things for those who show their gratitude, for example.

Winnie the pooh, Taosim and unschooling ??

2011-07-09T15:22:00.001+01:00

I posted a wonderful quote from Winnie the pooh a while ago on Facebook and my lovely friend Liz asked if I had read The Tao of Pooh and the Te of Piglet. I hadn't. Sounded just what I needed to read so I sent for it ;-)

I have been reading a little at a time when I am in the bath. I love it. The part I was reading today talks about Wu Wei.

An excerpt from the book.

When you work with Wu Wei, you put the round peg in the round hole and the square peg in the square hole. No stress, no struggle. Egotistical Desire tries to force the round peg into the square hole and the square peg into the round hole. Cleverness tries to devise craftier ways of making pegs fit where they don't belong. Knowledge tries to figure out why round pegs fit round holes, but not square holes. Wu wei doesn't try. It doesn't think about it. It just does it. And when it does, it doesn't appear to do much of anything. But things get done.

Now, my menopausal brain is struggling on a day to day basis, however this book is making sense to me. I have great difficulty articulating my thoughts on it - but am going to give it a go.

Bear with me - I will be using excerpts from a page I found that explains it better than I could hope to :-)

WuWei as described here

The principle of wu-wei contains certain implications. Foremost among these is the need to consciously experience ourselves as part of the unity of life that is the Tao. Lao Tzu writes that we must be quiet and watchful, learning to listen to both our own inner voices and to the voices of our environment in a non-interfering, receptive manner. In this way we also learn to rely on more than just our intellect and logical mind to gather and assess information. We develop and trust our intuition as our direct connection to the Tao. We heed the intelligence of our whole body, not only our brain. And we learn through our own experience. All of this allows us to respond readily to the needs of the environment, which of course includes ourselves. And just as the Tao functions in a manner to promote harmony and balance, our own actions, performed in the spirit of wu-wei, produce the same result.

Wu-wei also implies action that is spontaneous, natural, and effortless. As with the Tao, this behavior simply flows through us because it is the right action, appropriate to its time and place, and serving the purpose of greater harmony and balance. Chuang Tzu refers to this type of being in the world as flowing, or more poetically (and provocatively), as "purposeless wandering!" How opposite this concept is to some of our most cherished cultural values. To have no purpose is unthinkable and even frightening, certainly anti-social and perhaps pathological in the context of modern day living. And yet it would be difficult to maintain that our current values have promoted harmony and balance, either environmentally or on an individual level.

To allow oneself to "wander without purpose" can be frightening because it challenges some of our most basic assumptions about life, about who we are as humans, and about our role in the world. From a Taoist point of view it is our cherished beliefs - that we exist as separate beings, that we can exercise willful control over all situations, and that our role is to conquer our environment - that lead to a state of disharmony and imbalance. Yet, "the Tao nourishes everything," Lao Tzu writes. If we can learn to follow the Tao, practicing non-action," then nothing remains undone. This means trusting our own bodies, our thoughts and emotions, and also believing that the environment will provide support and guidance. Thus the need to develop watchfulness and quietness of mind.

So much of this reminds me of the unschooling approach. These stand out in particular....

In this way we also learn to rely on more than just our intellect and logical mind to gather and assess information. We develop and trust our intuition as our direct connection to the Tao. We heed the intelligence of our whole body, not only our brain. And we learn through our own experience.

Chuang Tzu refers to this type of being in the world as flowing, or more poetically (and provocatively), as "purposeless wandering!" How opposite this concept is to some of our most cherished cultural values. To have no purpose is unthinkable and even frightening, certainly anti-social and perhaps pathological in the context of modern day living

To allow oneself to "wander without purpose" can be frightening because it challenges some of our most basic assumptions about life, about who we are as humans, and about our role in the world.

From a Taoist point of view it is our cherished beliefs - that we exist as separate beings, that we can exercise willful control over all situations, and that our role is to conquer our environment - that lead to a state of disharmony and imbalance.

This means trusting our own bodies, our thoughts and emotions, and also believing that the environment will provide support and guidance.

Another bit from the same source.

And finally, in the words of Chuang Tzu, we learn "detachment, forgetfulness of results, and abandonment of all hope of profit." By allowing the Tao to work through us, we render our actions truly spontaneous, natural, and effortless. We thus flow with all experiences and feelings as they come and go.

And finally this ...

Wu-wei refers to behavior that arises from a sense of oneself as connected to others and to one's environment. It is not motivated by a sense of separateness. It is action that is spontaneous and effortless. At the same time it is not to be considered inertia, laziness, or mere passivity. Rather, it is the experience of going with the grain or swimming with the current. Our contemporary expression, "going with the flow," is a direct expression of this fundamental Taoist principle, which in its most basic form refers to behavior occurring in response to the flow of the Tao.

Yes strange as it may seem - in my opinion - Winnie the pooh, an unschooling life and Taoism can be put in the same sentence :-))

I strongly believe in going with the flow and love the term purposeless wandering!

It is during some of our purposeless wanderings that our happiest moments have been and new paths to wander on have been found ;-))

Happy wandering. xxx

Sleep freedom......

2011-07-08T21:23:00.003+01:00

I woke Milly at 12.40 pm today...

As I went up the stairs, I heard the voice in my head ( not sure where it comes from but it pops in now and again with unhelpful comments! ) saying, Oh my god, look at the time! She has wasted the best part of the day, she'll be turning night into day, how will she ever learn to get up and do a job of work if she lounges around all day and stays awake half the night!!

I listened to the voice and decided I would examine the thoughts later. I let them go and went to gently wake Milly.

As we went to bed at midnight last night Milly decided to get in a bath. She had a sore throat and was feeling cold. I gave her a hug and said to come through if she needed anything. I heard her going to bed and heard her coughing til about one thirty, when it all went quiet.

I woke around 9 and after listening to a guided meditation I got up and got on with my day. I browsed online whilst having breakfast and then got on with jobs. Washed up, hoovered round, dusted the sun room, groomed the pooch - thought she was going to be bald the amount of hair she was shedding! Mopped the floors and hung some washing. Cleared some paperwork and made some calls. I am not a crafty type, otherwise I could have used that time to make something. I could have baked - there were many ways I could have chosen to fill in my time. Not all days look the same. I wasn't just hanging around waiting for Milly to wake.

It might not be long before she will be confident enough for me to leave her and I will be able to go into town, do some shopping, visit the library etc whilst she snoozes.

Milly has her own rhythm. She always has. When she was little we didn't have a set bedtime for her, but we were very in tune with when she was tired ( this *usually* happened around the same time each night ) . We also knew that she needed a routine to sleep or else she would just keep going and going. We had stories downstairs to wind down and then a bath ( usually together ) we followed that with massage and more snuggles and stories in bed, then we would lay with her, singing to her as she fell asleep. She wasn't a child who fell asleep easily. It's a long story, but the shortish version is that Milly was born two months prem and had sleep apnoea and needed to have an alarm attatched to warn us if she stopped breathing. As she grew the alarm was dispensed with . We were seeing the pediatrician for regular checks but it wasn't actually diagnosed - they performed a sleep test in Newcastle - until she was about four. Athough we knew she seemed to gasp for breath during the night and was a very light sleeper we didn't think she still had Apnoea. Her tonsils were HUGE and when she slept they closed and caused her to stop breathing many, many times a night. She always had a disrupted sleep and was often awake - fully wide awake, singing and talking awake - in the early hours of the morning. Because her quality of sleep was so poor she couldn't always *catch up* on sleep. Her days could be stressful .

The Dr's thought as she grew it might not be as much of a problem. We just did what we could to ensure she got adequate naps through the day and our lifestyle was quite relaxed and very much centered around home. We tried to support her with complimentary treatment such as Homeopathy and acupuncture ( a Japanese form Toyo Hari and Moxa that don't involve inserting needles) and used essential oils for massage at home. Life was good she was happy, healthy and content.

School interrupted that. We had to get her to bed by a certain time to ensure she had a decent sleep to be able to function at school. A horrible, stressful time - we had to totally go against her natural rhythm. I shudder at the memories of how stressed we were about getting her to bed - to be reading stories at a certain time - so that we knew she would have a good chance of going off to sleep at a reasonable hour. She had night terrors as well. If she didn't sleep well it had massive knock on effects on her ability to function at school . It wasn't the academic side we worried about but her ability to cope emotionally.

Eventually we had her tonsils removed when she was 7. This helped with her quality of sleep but her unusual ( obviously compared to others it was unusual - to Milly it was the norm! ) night-time wakening continued.

Then we saw the light :-) We took her out of school and things have evolved to where we are now over that time.

The journey from bedtimes to allowing her the freedom to choose has not been an easy one for Alan and I. Many posts ( here's one ) about our struggle ;-)) Here we were trusting that she would learn what she needed to learn on the * academic* ( for want of a better word ) side and it just made complete sense to extend that trust into other areas.

When Milly started wanting to stay up later than either of us ( when she felt confident to do that ) Alan and I had to work through any fears ( for us not her! ) that came up. What might she be able to watch late at night ( inadvertently or intentionally ) that could be inappropriate or scary. Alan and I have worked through those issues and the *fear* that she might be scarred by something she sees has subsided.

In conversations with Milly ( she told me about it - I wasn't checking to see what she was
watching :-) ) I know that she has switched over from a programme she was watching and seen parts of a scary movie but after watching a few minutes she chose to turn over. We have talked often about films and how images can stay with you for a long time. She remembers how - many years ago - she was terrified when watching a Beatrix Potter film ( The Roly Poly pudding I think it was ) where Tom Kitten gets rolled in pastry.

She is interested in Horror movies and I have said we could watch one together . As yet she hasn't chosen one - even though the topic comes up in conversation . She will know when she is ready to watch a scary movie. The same goes for violence in movies - she asked to watch The boy in the striped Pyjamas and we all sat together to watch it. Early in the film one scene came on and as it progressed she could see where it was heading and she chose not to watch the rest and went out to play. Goes without saying that I believe the same will happen with any sexual content Milly might come across. She uses her own judgement about what she is ready to view. If by chance she did see something she wishes she hadn't she knows she can tell us and we can talk it through with her.

She isn't censored by us and neither is she under pressure from peers to watch something she isn't ready to see. I remember seeing some very unsavoury magazines that someone at secondary school had found hidden at the bottom of their Dad's wardrobe. He travelled in Germany and they were pretty hard core images - scarred me for a loooong time:-( No one in the group seemed to be affected as they were passed round - I wonder now just how many were acting as they viewed those magazines, too scared to be seen as wimps in the group.

Had I felt able to go home and talk about it with my Mum I am sure I wouldn't have felt so bad about it for so long.

Last week I was in bed all day with a migraine. Alan and Milly popped in now and again to spend time with me. At around ten Al came up to bed. Milly had been in her room for a while and when he went in to say goodnight she hugged him and said she felt peckish so would make herself a sandwich and maybe watch some TV. We snuggled in bed and she popped her head round the door and said she would look in on us later..

As she left and went downstairs we both looked at each other and burst out laughing - it just seemed so odd - something wrong with this picture - us getting ready to go to sleep and her off downstairs ? Nothing at all odd in our house - it is happening more and more. I heard her come up and check in on us around 11.30.
She always turns off all lights and switches off everything at the wall. She often double checks all the doors are locked before coming up too :-))

She has just had a very full on weekend sleepover that involved a lot of travel - one of her least favourite things - that induces a lot of anxiety but which she chose to do so we could visit friends. There was little sleep had at the *sleepover* and a lot of physical activity. She had an absolute ball!!

Since coming home though she has followed her usual pattern after a hectic time and needed to spend time quietly. She has had one night where she slept from 7.30 to 10.00 the next morning and then that night -even though she was awake early - she was awake til 3 in the morning. She was in bed but couldn't sleep, so she watched DVD's, read and created pages of her lovely drawings. It will take her time to get back into her flow. Wouldn't give up having or attending sleepovers though just because she doesn't *bounce* back as quickly as some might. We are able to adapt our days to fit ....

Back to that voice I heard in my head this morning.

Oh my god, look at the time! She has wasted the best part of the day

Milly hasn't wasted the best part of the day- it might well be the best part of the day for someone else - for Milly the best part of the day could be any point from waking to going to bed. Every day is different, her pattern isn't set, it shift. I would say she is more of a night owl though, so her best part of the day will naturally be later than a morning person...

She'll be turning night into day

It is a possibility that she could turn night into day. She likes to stay up late and to have long lie ins, however by choice ( after having the experience of sleeping til late ) she has decided she doesn't want to be in bed all day. She has asked to be woken before 1.00 - on the very rare occasions she has not woken herself. Our days are a different shape to other families but they fit us perfectly.

How will she ever learn to get up and do a job of work if she lounges around all day and stays awake half the night!!

Well, I have no guarantees here ( who does in life? ) our days do begin later than most and we rarely schedule anything for the morning. Milly isn't lounging in bed through boredom or depression though, she is following her natural rhythm. She enjoys days where we are active and out and about and also she enjoys days that are spent at a slower pace - daydreaming and seemingly filled with little activity.

Maybe Milly will shape her work life around her sleep pattern - that is a possibility if she creates a business for herself. I firmly believe that when she gets old enough to be thinking about a job and a way to earn money that she will be motivated and will do what needs to be done - even if that involves getting out of bed early!

Now I can't say I don't get wobbles and worry that we are not doing the right thing. When I take an overveiw of our life and see how our days flow and how happy and content we all are (99%) of the time - they happen less and less.

Never too old to play....

2011-07-07T13:55:00.000+01:00

I posted this on facebook today....

I Tried to Teach My Child with Books;

He Gave Me Only Puzzled Looks.

I Tried to Teach My Child with Words;

They Passed Him by Often Unheard.

Despairingly, I Turned Aside;

"How Shall I Teach this Child," I cried?

Into My Hand He Put the Key,

"Come," He Said, "Play with Me."

~ Author Unknown

I had just been talking to Milly about plans for our day and we discussed the Dr's app we had to go to and plans to go to the pool later and then have tea at Morrisons. All these - apart from the Dr's app ( obviously) were well received.

I then said, that I would have my lunch and how would she like to play after I had eaten. Well, the smile on her face made me feel that I had made all her dreams come true.

A reminder to make time every day to ask her - instead of waiting to be asked. What a small gift to give, to create such happiness.

Meeting the challenge I set.....

2011-07-05T22:49:00.000+01:00

We went to visit friends in the Northeast at the weekend.

We have been for a sleepover a couple of times before. As it is so far from home Milly had wanted me to be close. Liz very kindly offered her playroom for me to stay in but I thought a B&B would be the best bet so I could rest ( I have Chronic fatigue for anyone who doesn't know ) and I also knew Milly wanted it feel like it was a real sleepover - without me there .

Liz's Mum is in sheltered housing and they have a flat for relatives to stay in and I have been lucky enough to stay there :-)

The first time we went on the train. The second time - for a two night sleepover. After discussion with Milly - who wasn't too keen on long distance car journeys at that time - we decided it would be more convenient for us to drive and it would also be easier for Liz - who had very kindly met us off the train and drove us the half hour to theirs .

It was twice the distance I had ever driven but I thought it was time I challenged myself. We met up at Walby - which is the halfway point for us - and after a good play we followed Liz to hers :-) This time I decided to make the challenge a little harder and do the whole journey without being able to follow Liz.

Milly was a great co pilot and navigated well :-)

It has worked well each time. I get to spend some time with Liz and Gary and also get to cuddle Charlie the dog ;-) then head I off to the flat and Milly knows I am close by.

I spend the day after the journey in the flat - not because I wouldn't be welcome to join in with whatever Liz the kids were doing but - knowing I have to drive home - I need to recoup. On both occasions I have needed to spend a good part of the day in bed. This time I spent the morning in bed. I meditated, read and ate breakfast, then had a bath. More reading and then some lunch before Liz's Mum came to take me out for a couple of hours. An enjoyable trip to Otterburn and then back to bed! I rested the whole afternoon and got up about 7.30 for some food. The gang dropped in for a visit about 9.30 :-) They had been to Wet and Wild in Newcastle and had had a ball - lots of fun!

They headed home and back to bed to read for me - to end a very hectic day ;-))

I woke the next morning feeling well rested and ready for the journey home. I had a leisurely morning and packed up before going to chat with Liz's Mum to say goodbye. Then it was off to Liz's for brunch. Lots of chat and eventually we set off around 3.30. A good journey back with a break at my Mum's for a breather and a cuppa.

One day Milly won't *need* me to be nearby and I won't have to do the journey - we could just meet halfway and do a handover:-)

I would really like to keep going though. I have enjoyed stretching myself to do the journey. I may not enjoy the after effects of driving that distance but I love spending time in the car with Milly - she is such good company and we have a laugh. As I get back to better health I will be able to do the journey and also be involved in any activities - if they'll have me of course:-))

Free choice....

2011-06-28T22:58:00.000+01:00

People often say that if they gave their child free choice to watch TV when they wanted and play games on the computer as much as they wanted to that they would do nothing else.

Four years ago when Milly came out of school we had a subscrition for Education city. She used it sporadically but she would get very frustrated and stopped using it. After the year we decided not to renew.

A couple of weeks ago Education city came up in conversation and she said she would like a trial again.

We set it up yesterday and she and I spent a very enjoyable hour together as she went through some of the subjects. She remembered the ones she enjoyed and was quite surprised at how many of her *educated* guesses were correct :-) TV programmes, films, conversations and games we have played have informed her. On some of the science ones - about mixtures, solutions, distillation etc - she patiently worked through, using all the information she has gathered from day to day activities, before making her guess with great acuracy.

After Al got home from work tonight they went off to Buttermere for a walk with Beauty and a swim in the lake for Milly :-)

We had a late tea and then Milly said she was going to lie down. I asked her if she would like me to read to her. We had a lovely half hour and a snuggle. When I finished reading we spooned for a while and chatted and then I asked her if she had been reading her new book I had downloaded onto her kindle. She said yes and then proceeded to read it to me. A very funny book . Lots of giggles at the pronunciation of some of the names :-)

She had arranged with Al that they would spend time on Ed city and went down to log on. They spent an hour on the PC and I sat on the sofa browsing on the laptop listening to them. She scored highly in quite a few of the subjects and enjoyed the time spent on it.

After 4 years away from anything resembling school work Milly held her own - at the year level she would be in at school - scoring 90% on one of the literacy options and 100% on a science (biology) option.

At nine we all sat down to watch Luther together on TV and as we got settled Milly said she would watch it then go on Ed city again before heading off to bed....

She is on Ed city now ( 20 to eleven ) working through punctuation. She has just scored 5 out of 5 - she has never had a lesson in punctuation - we have however talked a lot about it and it's use in writing.

Not sure yet if she will want to continue with a subscription, but we will enjoy the trial and then it will be her decision.

Milly is not really a gamer but could - if she chose to - play as much as she wanted to.

She does however *love* film and TV. She has recently been re- watching all her Ghostwhisperer DVDs. Hours and hours worth of enjoyment for her.

We continue to offer things up that we think she will enjoy doing - not done to intentionally take her away from the screen though. - she can choose *not* to do them.

She knows she can go back to her DVD or tape her programme and watch it later.

Given free choice she very, very, often chooses to do other things - whether we have suggested them or she comes up with the ideas.

She could be watching TV ( still learning in our book ) now but at the moment is happily spending her time learning - about DNA and genetics - on an *educational * site instead.