A LIFE WORTH LIVING....: Bust ups and set ups...

Monday, 11 August 2008

Bust ups and set ups...

10.45 am.Milly still in the land of nod!!

Just been up to check and she looked at me blearily and then turned over and went back to sleep.

She had two friends over for a sleepover on Saturday.Lot's of laughter and play .They were quite good and kept the noise down but it was about 3 am when I last heard them.They were sleeping on mattresses in the living room and unfortunately we can still hear them talking even when they are doing it quietly.All of them slept until 10.30 the next morning, then it was a relaxed day for us all.Homemade pancakes for breakfast then play for them and pottering doing small jobs for me and Olympic action on TV for Al.Homemade pizza for lunch and more play for the girls till we took friends home at 3.30.
Home via shop for crisps chocolate and wine ;-)

Major bust up between me and Milly!! Both very tired and she was vv angry about a small incident and I reacted badly and it slid into shouting and tears quite quickly:-( Not happy at all with how I handled things.I can now see where her anger started but in my tired haze I was not switched on and didn't react well enough to stop it getting to the stage it did.Her initial angry reaction brought out feelings of resentment in me about how ungrateful she was being after all we had done to enable her to have a sleepover and a day with friends, unfortunately I voiced it which only inflamed things.

After a time to allow things to cool down we talked and sorted it out as best we could clearing up a few things and then all had tea whilst watching the Alex Rider film Stormbreaker.I came through to do some paperwork while they watched Midsomer Murders(god is it a week since I last posted?)

Milly finally got up at 11.00 am.Loose plans to go for a walk on the beach and to the big playground were changed and we stayed inside and had a great day full of cuddles,tickles,painting,story tapes,top trumps.Polly pocket and playmobile set ups were made through the day I got to sit with the pile of things and pass them to her as she set up her scene.

We also managed to talk more about what had happened yesterday and each got to say how we felt and what we could do differently next time,given that exhaustion on both sides played a big part!!Lessons learnt on both sides.......

5 comments:

Lisa G said...: Lots of sleeping in here too, and that includes me!; 11 August 2008 at 22:35
Sam said...: At least you were able to talk about everything and come to some understanding. Can't do better than that.
Tiredness has a lot to answer for, and I highly approve of looooooonnnnng lie-ins, lol.; 12 August 2008 at 14:21
Moo said...: So good that you were both able to talk things through. it's so easy to inflame the situation while you're both still angry. It makes for a wonderful parent-child relationship when you can sit down to talk.
Plenty of sleepovers and sleeping-in going on in this household too!

Take care
Moo x; 12 August 2008 at 14:34
Colleen Paeff said...: It sounds like you both learned a lot from the experience. Sometimes I think even those times we feel we didn't parent the way we want to can have happy endings!; 13 August 2008 at 17:32
Shirl said...: Tiredness does it every time. I'm glad you both sorted it all out :0); 14 August 2008 at 11:40

This is me.....

There comes a time when you have to stand up and shout: This is me damn it! I look the way I look, think the way I think, feel the way I feel, love the way I love! I am a whole complex package. Take me... or leave me. Accept me - or walk away! Do not try to make me feel like less of a person, just because I don't fit your idea of who I should be and don't try to change me to fit your mold. If I need to change, I alone will make that decision.When you are strong enough to love yourself 100%, good and bad - you will be amazed at the opportunities that life presents you.” Stacey Charter.

Why we Home educate

( Slightly edited from a blog post I did when we started out) In the end the actual decision to take Emily out only took a matter of days but before that it had been around a year and a half of talking about ti and reading books, Free range education by Terri Dowty, Educating your child at home by Jane Lowe and Alan Thomas were two that had a real impact for different reasons. Free range education has lots of examples of real life home educators and I think I can say that it was this one that convinced me the most that we could do it. We are two very average people ,neither of us left school with many qualifications, we went on to do quite well in our chosen professions and had no need to think about the education system at all until Emily came along.

I knew about home education and when Emily was born considered it as an optionbut always felt my lack of education would be a problem and that I wouldn't be capable of providing her with what she would need.Looking back with hindsight it is easy to see how wrong I was!!

School never really suited Emily......After the nursery year at a very highly rated, high achieving school we knew that particular School wasn't for us and took her out. We enrolled her in a lovely village school with only 70 children in the whole school .The ethos of the school was totally different, the children didn't wear uniforms and there was much more emphasis on the children being individuals.The head was a sensitive and principled man who wanted the best for the children. We thought we had struck gold.Over the reception and year 1 Emily gained confidence and really started to bloom. It was at this time she was diagnosed with dyspraxia( we had had to go down the diagnosis route as our observations of Emily's difficulties were not enough to enable the teachers to tailor things so she was helped and given less work in class) but she managed quite well in the more relaxed play orientated early years.Year 2 with more emphasis on academic activities got progressively harder for her. She is very sensitive and it wasn't just the academic side it was the embarassment of having to put her hand up for the toilet,seeing others being told off and worrying in case she did something wrong and got the same treatment, panicking because she couldn't do the work and the teacher never had time to sit with her (alot of this did not come out until she had left school) her behaviour at home became worse and worse she was so angry and obviously stressed . At this time we began to seriously consider taking her out but held back because of my lack of confidence in my ability to provide her with an adequate education ,my health being so poor was also a major stumbling block.

Then in year three it became blatantly obvious that something needed to change .She was struggling on all levels and we couldn't allow the school system to damage our daughter anymore.She became ill with a bug that was doing the rounds and she was off for two weeks , during that time I had a conversation with a friend who home educates her two children and I was so upset I couldn't make a decision and she said just go with whats in your heart and that really helped me to shift my thinking and stop worrying about what I couldn't give her and focus on what I could give her.

We never sent her back.I still get emotional when I think of that time , the look on Emily's face when we told her she would never have to go back to school was priceless,the immense sense of relief that we were off the treadmill of school life and the excitement of the time ahead and to be honest the fear of the unknown......

So here we are four years on and a lot of reading and researching later I feel comfortable with what we are doing . The changes that have happened so far have been helped along the way by the many wonderful blogs out there.They are so varied and there are so many different approaches , I have found ones that I can identify with and have read a lot of archive material that has been written in each and found answers to so many of the questions I have had that they have helped me to sort out what will work best for us .As much as I wish we had done this earlier and saved Emily from the distress that she went through I do believe things happen for a reason and that the time was right for us to take her out and that looking on the bright side one of the benefits is that at least she has had a taste of school and now we all know without a doubt that it is not for us !!!!

It is very liberating to be making decisions based on what works best for us as a family and not what society expects.

Let your child be a child.

No child was ever spoiled by too much love.

Be authentic with your child.

Listen openly to your child’s needs.

Believe in your child’s good intentions.

Find the humour.

Look past the behaviour… what is your child feeling?

Have fun with your child today!

“There is no reason why we cannot say ‘No’ to children in just as kind a way as we say ‘Yes’.” - John Holt

“Play is really the work of childhood.” - Fred Rogers

“The best way to make children good is to make them happy.” - Oscar Wilde

Children thrive in a peaceful and loving environment.

A child needs love most when things go wrong.

Children reflect the treatment they receive.

A few qoutes I like....

Life shouldn't be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in, broadside, thouroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly shouting, 'WOW'.... Beth Moore

The perpetual testing of public school children is like a gardener constantly pulling his plants up by the roots to see if they are growing....(unknown)

Children require guidance and sympathy far more than instuction...Helen Kellers teacher

I hear and I forget I see and I remember I do and I understand...Confusious