"Although I speak from my own experience, I feel that no one has the right to impose his or her beliefs on another person. I will not propose to you that my way is best. The decision is up to you. If you find some point which may be suitable for you, then you can carry out experiments for yourself. If you find that it is off no use, then you can discard it." Dalai Lama...

Saturday, 28 February 2009

Emily's laptop has come in handy!!

I have been in bed for 4 days with a really horrible virus.Flu like symptoms,cough,sickness and diarrhoea so all in all not feeling too good:-( I am a little scared,I am so weak it reminds me of when i first got ME and I spent three months in bed with a trip to the ensuite loo tiring me out.I have had virus's before but prior to getting this one I had been quite low with Emily's party and lack of sleep while she was ill,so i think it has hit hard.I am really keen to start feeling better so i can put that horrible possibility out of my mind.

Alan took time off work to look after us although he is still coughing and not 100% Milly is better but is still washed out and it isn't taking much to tire her out.

All I can say on the plus side is that when I have been up to it i have been keeping up with blogs,have attempted to comment on some but mind like mush and not making sense.i have also been watching bbci player,just watched the masterchef final, so I am grateful to this little machine:-)

Tuesday, 24 February 2009

Old negative thinking....

Milly just came through,she is feeling better but has no taste. She got some coca cola from the fridge.In the past, before we decided to lift restrictions ,the cola would not have been in the fridge for her to choose and in the beginning when I did start buying it again I would still have reacted quite negatively to her having some,I wouldn't always have verbalised it but did on occasion:-(It didn't make sense because we had taken the decision to allow her more choices, but ingrained reactions to "unhealthy" food took over.

The lid was tight so I helped her open the bottle,we had a giggle as I banged the lid on the side of the table to loosen it and it started to fizz up.She filled a small glass,after taking a sip she said it wasn't as good without it's taste:-( She put the bottle back in the fridge.

I started to go back to the computer and heard the rustle of plastic and thought she was getting a bag of crisps from the drawer.(edited to add) I had been offering up platters of food with all sorts of the foods/fruits I know she likes but she hadn't been hungry.The irrational thought that popped into my head was "oh great here she is full of cold and needing some good nourishing foods and she is choosing junk".I looked around to see her with a wide smile on her face,joyfully clutching a bag of sugar snap peas to her chest like they were the best thing in the world.She tootled off into the other room with the cola and sugar snaps.Thank god I had kept my big gob shut and didn't spoil that by lecturing about nutrition,or some other negative reaction.

It reminded me that last night as I was doing the shopping list I asked Al to nip into the other room to ask her if there was anything she wanted me to get,out of all the things she could have chosen the answer he got was Parsley.I get the growing pots and she eats a whole one just pulling off handfuls as she goes past,she likes coriander like this as well.We did grow some in the garden but it didn't have the same appeal as it does when it is just sitting on the counter.

Even though she didn't ask for the cola I bought some because I know she enjoys it.

I still have quite negative reactions in my head to her eating what I still think of as junk(some work left to do there!!)at least now I take a moment and stop myself before coming out with some unnecessary negative comment.By giving her options and access to a wide range of foods, Emily is proving over time that she is quite capable of making good choices.

Monday, 23 February 2009

Family Tree

I love how things begin as one thing and swirl off to become another.

Emily was on line looking up pictures from Twilight and then started to search for books and something about the Cullen family crest.On one of the pages was an advertisement for building your own family tree.She wanted to have a go so her and Alan set about starting it up.She did most of the typing and searching, he was there to help as she needed it.

It hasn't got far, it is a seedling at the moment:-)

This may be a project that grows:-)Sorry bad puns!!

I will get some info from family members(my brother in law has a great deal of info from my side as he has been researching his family tree) so it will be there and can happen a little quicker if she does go back to it.So much more satisfying for her to see something grow quickly.

Friday, 20 February 2009

Poorly Milly.....

Having had a brilliant party weekend Emily woke with a temperature of 102 on the Tuesday.She had aches and pains flu like symptoms and a bad cough which has rumbled on for four days now:-(

We have remedies to take and are spending time snuggled up watching TV/DVD/reading.Al has been going into work but the three of us are a bit like zombies through lack of sleep.Emily fights sleep even when she is as poorly as she is,so it is rare for her to snooze during the day,and nightimes have been very busy keeping her supplied with iced water and cuddles,and rubbing aching joints.

She has certainly had her fair share of ilness this last twelve months.Need to look at more ways to boost her immune system alongside Homeopathy and Cranial osteopathy. I think we will go back for some more accupuncture and see Rezwanna for some Healing.I must look at ways to supplement her diet with immune boosting foods as well,tricky because she is so particular about what she will and won't eat but I am sure we can find some way to do it.Ok plan in place, must get back to the sofa:-) xx

Tuesday, 17 February 2009

Happy Birhtday, Party's over, I survived!!!

The party is over,cleaning up is done,Alan and Emily are playing keepy uppy in the hall with a very large balloon,lot's of laughter and squeals of delight.

The day went well.Alan had taken a day off to surprise her and we woke Emily with Stevie Wonder "Happy birthday" playing on a CD we carried in with us ,we both danced into the bedroom and she looked over drowsily and rolled her eyes at the sight of us bopping:-)) Opening of presents and breakfast, then a trip into town for last minute bit's for party bags and 40 Cumberland sausages from the butchers.Milly was very tired due to her late sleepover night and wasn't too happy about having to shop"on her birthday!!" no choice though as we had to drop Al off to pick up his bike which had been in the garage again.Back home so Al and Em could go off for a birthday lunch date, giving me time to prep for the party.I got all the food sorted to go in the oven and then I went round the house taking pictures of things close up and at funny angles. I printed them off and made up three sets of sheets so it was like an observation hunt to locate all the items in the picture.I had got loo rolls for the wrap the mummy game.I know E had planned a Dr who Quiz and a treasure hunt and I had a couple of balloon games up my sleeve.I also had bubbles and chalks for outside play.I like to have games available but quite often have found we don't get round to them if they are managing to find things to do themselves.

I do love having a houseful of people.We had 9 boys age range 5-14 and 5 girls age range 5- 15 and 4 mums stayed.As it was a fine day we were able to get straight out into the garden,and left the Mums to have a drink and a chat.The plan had been to draw a target on the tree and fill a load of water balloons to hit it with.Great plan and everyone was very keen but the boys filling the balloons had a problem as they kept splitting:-( never mind onto plan B,trampoline and climbing frame came in handy.Then E said the disco was ready in Emily's room.I was surprised that the boys were keen to come in but they all did and then mostly ran about throwing themselves at each other:-)We then put on a Dr who DVD whilst I finished the tea off,sausages and baked pots with cheese and beans.I had got the brand of chicken nuggets and new potato's my friends little boy eats.He has very particular likes and also prefers to be away from other smells when eating,in fact he very often won't eat at peoples houses and I do love that he eats here:-))The Mums were also fed and watered.Makes me happy to feed people.Cake and Happy birthday singing followed.

E had set up the treasure hunt and they set off on that and we managed to clear up a little before they were back for prizes,a selection of highly nutritious lolly's and sweets;-))E had done it in such a way that the three teams each did a different hunt so they were not actually competing against each other.

I then handed out the party bags and the gifts inside them (I had found tiny little bottles of the everlasting bubbles and some polystyrene planes kits and whizzer balloons, and magic putty) which kept them going for another hour before they all went home. Mums all mucked in washing and tidying so I just had a little vacuuming to do when they left.I had put some rice pudding in the slow cooker and had even written a note out to remind me not to forget it,obviously did forget but remembered just in time as we were washing up.The kids preferred Ice cream cones though:-)

Alan had taken Beauty out on to the fells for a good long walk.It would have been too much for her to be locked away whilst all the kids were here she would have got so over excited at all the noise and energy.Plus we really needed to be able to use the downstairs loo which is through the lobby where she stays in.He took his radio and headphones tea and cake and sat atop a hill overlooking Keswick. He and Beauty were suitably knackered when they got back in:-)

Living with M.E. means I am fatigued most of the time and rarely have a day where I feel "normal" well what used to feel normal to me:-)It is times like this when I realise how far I have come and although the next week will involve quite a bit of pain and tiredness I have been able to enjoy a day with friends and still be standing to tell the tale;-) We started the day with "Happy Birthday to you" and the song that springs to mind to end on is "I will survive" Gloria Gaynor:-))

Monday, 16 February 2009

Tree of happiness award.

Very kindly awarded to me by Laura
I am to write about 6 things that make me happy.....

1.My darling daughter Emily.For so many years I didn't understand what happiness was,it was elusive,always seeming to be just around the corner out of reach.Emily coming into our lives meant that I turned that corner and have walked slap bang into happiness.She came to show me the way and her birth set up a chain of events, some of which have been extrememly difficult. I have had to work through a lot of baggage but it has been soooooo worth it to get to where I am today and I know this isn't the end of the line I have more happiness to come.It is within me,I no longer have to look to other people or material things for it.

2.My wonderful,patient,loving husband who has been on this journey with me and stayed onboard even though he hadn't bought a ticket for a roller coaster ride;-))

3.A walk on the beach whatever the weather.When I had to give up work due to ill health I moved nearer to my family and Alan had to stay in Liverpool until he got a job here.I lived in a small cottage with no heating and very basic ameneties.I had our lovely dog Ben who gave me an incentive to get up in the morning and to get out and walk him.Three times a day we took the ten minute walk to a wonderful beach.I would spend ages sitting on the dunes gazing out to sea whilst Ben searched for the balls I threw into the long grass.I look back at these times as some of my happiest memories even though it was a difficult time in my life.To me the sea has healing powers.

4.A long soak in a hot bath with essential oils in and a good book to read.

5.A cup of tea and quiet morning blog browsing:-)

6.The wonderful people that have come into my life over the last 5 years.Some have been people we began seeing in their professional capacity who have since become friends, some have been real life people who have come into my life just when I needed a friend.Some have been online people I have never met, who have reached out to connect and I can't thank you all enough. It has helped so much having this place to come and work through thoughts and feelings and just to share what we are doing and to have some feedack and support makes it even better.xx

Passing this on to 6 more.I am not tagging you on your blogs, but if you happen to pop in here and feel like having a go please do,and take yourself a Tree of Happiness award too.xx







Sunday, 15 February 2009


I have been on a trip down memory lane and I had so many pictures I wanted to share!! Here are just a few poorly scanned images( you can click on them if you want a closer look) of the quirky,feisty,funny,loving,exasperating,gorgeous bundle I adore.

Emily has wanted a laptop for ages.She was going to save all her birthday money and sell her DS and a lot of her other toys and save all her pocket money to get one.Curry's had a buy one pay later deal so we managed to get one for her birthday,she will still have to pay for it but can enjoy it for the year while she is saving:-)

Here she is setting it up with Daddy.

Writing her first character profile.

Celebrations for her birthday began with a trip out with her two best friends.Mcdonalds then the cinema to see Moonacre Manor.Then back home for a sleepover.Cake decorating,

A's cake

E's cake

Slight deviation from Emily!!!

Then on to makeovers,

Girly agelic look

Vampire scary look!!!

E did a really good job with the stage type makeovers, my photos don't really do it justice.
They had a great time.I had been fighting a thumper of a headache and finally had to go up to lay in bed at around 9. Al came to bed around 11.30 and the girls finally tired themselves out around 3 apparently although I didn't hear a thing.This was the scene in my living room this morning!!

This post has taken hours,pictures would load and then blogger saving failed and some would be lost so I would redo them.Now spell check isn't working ARGGGGHHHHH.

Friday, 13 February 2009

Tailoring our days.

Some weeks seem to be non stop and others more relaxed....

Last week was busy, busy, busy,very enjoyable and full of impromptu play dates.

Wednesday was Home ed group and then off to a friends house for a good chat over a cuppa.E came back with us and we picked A off the school bus to come to ours for tea.Dropped them both back home later in the evening.

Thursday morning we were up and out by 10 (v early in this house!!)to go to a tea party held at my friends house(E's mum)she had invited a couple of other childminders over with their little people and E had made lovely sandwiches and cakes for us all.We stayed on after the others had left and then I went for a lovely 1 1/2 hours reflexology and massage.Home for a quick tea and out to meditation group meeting.

Friday we went to a soft play center with E and another friend and her two children.We hadn't been out together for a while and was nice to catch up.Took E home and then home to pick up A from the school bus.E came later after her theatre group and stayed again.

Saturday we spent planning Emily's birthday parties.On sat the 14th she is having A and E over for the day and I am taking them to McDonald's then on to the cinema.Then back to ours for a valentine sleepover with mudpacks, makeovers,Tattoos and dancing.On the Monday we are having a Dr who themed Birthday celebration and have 16 children with their mums coming over to ours.We didn't think everyone we invited would be able to come!! E has planned most of it and is making the Tardis cake,dalek cookies and fairy cakes with Dr who sugar paper pictures to go in the party bags.Wish me luck!!!!!!

Sunday we were over at my sisters house for a family get together.My brother in law had cooked Brisket and it was delicious.I have not had it for years and had forgotten how good it tastes.Played Scatagoriesit's a great fun game,I'm having problems finding it to buy though.

This week has been much more chilled and although we have been out and about and had friends over to play we have had quiet mornings and spent more time in pj's and generally a much more leisurely pace.Emily has been tired and has wanted to go to bed around 8ish.It has been around 9 when they have finished reading and put the lights out each night but the she has had great difficulty getting to sleep and has come back down after 45 mins or so,leaving Al snoring,he is up at 6 in the morning and needs his beauty sleep:-)
She has spent some time downstairs and has gone back up with me later.The two of us have cuddled and held hands but it has been around 12-12.30 before she has gone off to sleep.Consequently she has been sleeping in till 10 or 11 the next day.On wed night she went off to bed at 8 and although she had spent the whole 2 hours at home ed running around and then 2 hours bouncing at my friends house I thought she would never get to sleep as she hadn't got up till 11 that morning,however she did get off to sleep straight away only to wake up 2 hours later and couldn't get back to sleep. We watched TV together for a while and had a hot drink and went up to try again but were both still awake around 12 :-(

Not too sure what is causing it, maybe just be the mounting excitement about her birthday.It could be the new moon:-) We have tried all the homeopathy remedies and essential oils and nothing seems to be working.It is not unusual for Emily to go through these phases of disturbed sleep and we are just so lucky we can tailor our days to accommodate her energy levels.I do find her tired behaviour during the day incredibly difficult to deal with though.It seems that every little thing is just too much effort for her and we have butted heads on a couple of occasions this week.I know I have been to blame because I have got my "you will do as I say" head on and not backed down when I should have done and that has made a small incident into a battle.The good thing is that after lots of practice and self talk I am finding it easier and easier to move from annoyance to understanding and to connect again and to work through whatever the problem was.

Monday, 9 February 2009

8 random things about me

Clare over at Seeing with new eyes tagged me for this. 8 very random facts about me.

1: Alan and I had been going out for a couple of years when he proposed.He was in the Royal Navy and had been in Northern Ireland for his second stint of six months.Because of this he was able to do what they called a preference draft and he got to put in options of where he would like to go for his next draft and the chances of him getting it were high.The idea was that we would get married so that I could travel with him, not the only reason I was saying yes I hasten to add;-) and he put in to go to Singapore.We were so excited,getting married was great but traveling and living abroad was a dream.We were married before notification of his next post came out.Instead of Singapore the powers that be sent us off to Scotland!! Nothing against Scotland ,we had a great time but not quite the start we had imagined!!

2: I lived in Singapore for two years when I was 6.Prior to that I had also lived in Cyprus.Apparently I was able to speak fluent Greek when I was two!! Wonder if I started to learn the language again it would all come flooding back?

3: I attended 9 primary schools and 1 secondary modern.Dad was in the RAF.Always an introvert I can't tell you how hard it was to start a new school time after time after time!!

4: I entered a competition in the Daily Mail to win a house.I had to collect tokens over a period of time and send them off to be entered in the draw.I think there were ten houses to be won and I won one of them!!!

5: Emily was born at 32 weeks by emergency Cesarean(pre eclampsia)It all happened really quickly, one minute I was in the Dr's surgery having a regular check up an the next I was being prepped for surgery.The funny thing was I remember panicking about the scar I would be left with,it seems so irrational now with all the other possible outcomes but it was what I was focusing on at that time.The lovely nurse who was with me tried to placate me and could see it was an irrational fear that was getting out of hand, so she explained she had had a Cesarean and drew the curtains round and showed me her scar:-) We laughed and it had the calming effect I needed and then everything else was a doddle and I went through the whole thing in great spirits and no amount of needles and injections could phase me.

6: I started going to a meditation group about 5 years ago.I was rather sceptical and had never heard of chakras!! The proof is in the pudding as they say and I know my healing emotionally and physically began then.

7: I returned back to school after the summer holidays just before my 12th birthday and I had grown so much more than my friends that I was a good head and shoulders above them and then they just never seemed to catch up:-(
I wish I had a pound for every time some guy in a bar said "your a big un" !! I hated being tall but have grown into it;-)

8:Alan and I were married 18 years before I fell pregnant with Emily.Although I did love children I had never been particularly maternal,my biggest surprise was how "right" it felt to be pregnant.All my life I had been searching ,trying to find something that meant something and when Emily was born I found it;-) I was meant to be her Mummy.......

Now for the rules:

1. Each blogger starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.

2. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.

3. At the end of your blog post, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.

4. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged and to read your blog.

5. For the recipients, leave a comment for the person who tagged you, so they can go and read your answers.

OK now for the game of cyber tag,If you want to play;-)









Sunday, 8 February 2009

Consutation response.

I haven't posted about the consultation as many others far more eloquent than I have done a great job of reporting it and collating all the info.

My brian has been like mush and I just couldn't get anything down on paper however I have finally got round to responding tonight and we are numbers 840 and 841.

Thursday, 5 February 2009

A twinge of regret.

I found this picture whilst I was sorting some paperwork out.I remember the day it was taken.I remember how she loved to wear my boots and would spend great parts of the day clopping around in them.I had many images of the happy days we used to share and her easy going nature,her innocence and complete trust in me.Looking at this picture made me cry.

I try not to regret things,my thinking is that things happen for a reason and that we grow and learn from all experiences. I knew school wasn't right for her,in my heart I knew.But I just didn't have the confidence to follow my heart and I don't know if I will ever stop regretting that.

I am just grateful we got her out and we are now able to live this life and to help her to recover from the hurt she felt during those years.

Tuesday, 3 February 2009

Snow painting.

Snow at last even if it didn't last too long:-(
Just enough time for a snowball fight and to start building a snowman before going out with food colouring in a spray bottle.We did go back out with a blue one as well and managed to make it look pretty!!

A brainwave,cookies and twins to play.

I was up before Emily this morning and managed to catch up in blogland and also hoover around and get a few jobs done before she came down.While she had breakfast she caught up on a few of her programmes on BBCi.I was in and out sorting laundry and sat and had a cuppa and watched with her for a while.

I like to have incense burning and as I took the last one out of the tube this morning I had a brain wave and found a solution to Emily's request for an Amber Spyglass/telescope.

Stage one was to cut out the bottom of the tube.

I then went out and sprayed it gold, I had to get inventive with sticks while it dried ;-)

I plaited some wool for the strap.Without the aid of a volunteer I had to improvise and use a heavy book.

After some discussion as to how she would wear it we decided a little bag would come in handy, so as I was making tea and looking after three children (more of that later) I sewed a felt tube for it to go in.I am not what I would call a crafty person,I aspire to be but the truth is I just about scrape by,so don't look too closely at the stitching;-))

I will have to put a picture on tomorrow as she has taken it off to bed before I had a chance to take a photo!!

After Emily had finished watching her programmes and while the tube dried we decided to do a little cooking helped along by very loud music from

and of course

This led to much twirling and singing:-)

Oh and some energetic sieving action...

After all this I really needed a lie down, but we couldn't fade now, we still had to prepare for two five year olds coming.My friend had asked us to pick up her twins from school.They are great kids really lively and they adore Emily .We needed to make sure we had enough going on to entertain them,and I had tea to prep and the shopping had arrived so I had to put that away.

We picked up two very excited kiddies and came home.There were so many things for them to explore they didn't quite know where to start!! When Al got home we all went out on a walk and poor old Beauty was hyper with two high energy people at just the right height for licking:-) We had to keep her on the lead as I was concerned she would find it impossible not to dive on them and they weren't that keen to be licked!!

Back home for a bit of TV and then Emily who was feeling unwell and had a very sore wobbly molar decided they could be her nurses and they all went up into our room.Tickle fights ensued and they were just starting to get a bit over the top when Mum arrived to pick them up.It was a great afternoon and as soon as we had had our tea Emily wanted to go in a bath while Alan read New Moon the second book in the Twilight series.They are both fast asleep and after this I am going to have along soak and read my book.