"Although I speak from my own experience, I feel that no one has the right to impose his or her beliefs on another person. I will not propose to you that my way is best. The decision is up to you. If you find some point which may be suitable for you, then you can carry out experiments for yourself. If you find that it is off no use, then you can discard it." Dalai Lama...

Monday, 30 August 2010

Out of a funk...

Milly and I have been in a bit of a funk this last week.We have not been out and have kind of hibernated - not complaining - the rest was needed and we have enjoyed not having to go out and just hanging around at home .

The last few days I have felt the change happening and a new burst of energy - well let's not get carried away - a burst of energy might be pushing it in my case;-)) However I do feel lighter and more inclined to venture out and after doing the food shopping this morning we took off to walk along a stretch of beach we haven't visited for a long time.

The weather was perfect .The beach is reached by walking across a golf course and over the dunes .
Well worth the ten minute walk.
Milly and Alan walked on, Milly getting ready for a paddle...

Not a soul to be seen left or right...

I took some pictures,following as they walked down to the water...

Within minutes the paddle turned into...

total immersion:-)


I walked back up the beach and left them to it...

I sat and played with the warm sand

admiring the shadows and the tiny marks made by a bird..

and creating spirals in the sand...

Memories were stirred of a time 15 years ago when I had spent many hours on this very same beach.Ill health had meant I was no longer able to work and we came back to Cumbria to be nearer to family.We rented a small cottage and this was the beach I came to every day to sit while our dog, Ben, ran after the balls I threw for him.Alan was still working in Liverpool and I was alone during the week .I was alone but not lonely, I had little energy but had no one but myself (and Ben) to consider and it was exactly what I needed .The memories were not unpleasant - quite the opposite actually - a time to adjust and a time of calm reflection.

So lovely to come back today and sit and reflect on the journey I have been on since I first visited this place....

Sunday, 29 August 2010

Changing times...

I was up early this morning - a little unusual as I am normally up late with Emily ( Alan is up at 6 for work so needs to be in bed early) and consequently tend to get up later in the mornings - I had breakfast whilst browsing online and then set about cleaning up,hoovering etc.Al got up and after he walked Beauty I realised it was only 9.30!
I thought back to the mornings in the past when we were up with a lively early bird ! Back then by 9.30 it felt like we had put in a full day ;-)
Thoughts of leisurely mornings seemed far away in the distant past.

Over time Milly has begun to stay up later -and recently when she is tired and would normally have taken herself off to bed she is resisting going up and even when she does go up she lays listening to story tapes.There are times she asks for one of us to read and she will go up to bed earlier but then comes back down unable to sleep.

She does not always wake with the same energy and enthusiasm for the day as she did when she was younger:-) No longer do we have the bouncy smiley morning greetings -she needs time to *come round* we start the morning off in her bed -  reading - a nice way to ease into the day!

Whatever changes are going on for her at the moment we are adapting and getting used to a different rhythm.

One benefit has been the time Alan and I have got to spend together on the weekend mornings.He has taken to bringing me a cup of tea in bed after he has walked Beauty and we have a chance to talk and snuggle.
Today he had a lie in and then after his breakfast I  finished the jobs whilst he walked Beauty .We then sat with a cuppa and did a crossword together before I went up to read to Milly.

These are good times and it is nice to be able to have the leisurely start to the day.

Time has passed so quickly.
I think back with great affection to the mornings when she was younger - even the 5 o'clock starts - and I never thought I would be saying that:-))

Friday, 27 August 2010

Here's to the next chapter...

I have a big birthday coming up next month - 50 years young:-))

I have never worried about getting older and the passing years have never really bothered me.It is quite a landmark birthday though and I have been assessing things over the last week or so in anticipation of reaching my half century..

 This stage in my life is the best I have ever been in.I feel emotionally strong and able to deal with all that life can throw at me:-)
I am learning many new ways to stay positive and am surrounded by people who can help me if I trip up...

I hit 40 and really did feel my life was beginning - having Milly set off a trail of emotions and great healing has been done over the last ten years...
I have grown spiritually and look forward to learning and growing even more.

I am not where I want to be physically but that is coming and above all I am confident that I will never return to the dark place I was in when M.E first came into my life.

I have so many things in my life to be grateful for and am thankful for them daily.

Being 50 (well very nearly) feels good!!
Life is worth living and I intend to enjoy it to the full -)

Thursday, 26 August 2010


New hairdo's:-))
Milly opted for Purple! She loves it but has decided that the bright pink she had her eye on in the hairdressers would look good in streaks so she is going to get that done:-)
Lot's of pictures of a very beautiful girl - with or without purple hair:-)

I decided on red - I was guided by the hairdresser and choose a blend of three different colours. I am pleased with the finished look but wish I could be as free and bold as Emily:-)
I know I look a little sad in this shot but it is concentration:-) It is not easy taking a picture of yourself and this was the best full head shot - just minus the smile:-))


I want more red so will go back and get some chunkier streaks put in:-))

Tuesday, 17 August 2010

Flying literally,flying through time and flying at a theme park:-)

On Saturday we went to Carlisle Airport to see our Nephew take up his birthday gift from the family.A trial flying lesson!!

Tea and a chat in the basic, but quaint cafe for us,my Mum and Dad and his anxious parents.
A great experience and the smile on his face at the end told the story:-) Milly - who has a new found love of speed and adrenalin - would like to have a go....

Back to my Mum's for us all to have lunch and then home
.Milly had had a sleepover at Amy's the night before and had not got to sleep til 4 am.As she had had to get up at 8.45 to get to Carlisle it was no surprise that she dozed off in the car.We got home and she transferred to bed where I woke her a couple of hours later.She had wanted to be awake for Casualty - she loves the programme and hates to miss it - I had said I would record it but she really likes to watch it on the night.

Sunday had a lazy start and then jobs round the house for me whilst Alan worked in the garden and Emily snoozed! After lunch he and Emily went off to the beach for a walk and I got on with some tweaking of a project I am doing. I hope that in the future it will create a modest income - fingers crossed! They returned a couple of hours later - miraculously the sun was still shining - they decided to take the opportunity to head off to their secret place to swim,off they went with a flask of tea and some jam sandwiches.Two hours later they arrived home and we had tea before snuggling down to watch UP.

Monday was a day at home but it was busy - lot's of little niggly jobs and calls to make which all ended up not being as quick a job as it first seemed :-/
A Pj day for Milly, a nice day.She asked me to  read T.S Elliot poems whilst she drew and Granny and Grandad came for lunch. Card games of go fish and Pontoon with Granny and I then a tickle fight and more reading with me.

Emily has been interested in Egypt and especially the gods and goddess's.I sent for


but this is the one she chose to read.

We have enjoyed it so much and Ka (the cat) is a big hit.I have ordered two more adventures.

Another new found interest has been making cards with some stamps I purchased from Perkypigs .
We spent a lovely couple of hours a while ago making a card for our little Tasmanian friend :-)
Emily had wanted to make one to take to the sleepover and we spent another couple of hours together - me reading and her making one for Amy and my cousins daughter Emma who is three this week.

We had planned to have a visit from our Homeopath and her son today but the plumbers had to come to dig up the driveway and reroute the water supply pipe so we sadly had to cancel.Hope to see them next week though...

Milly and I have planned to go to the cinema this afternoon to see Toy Story 3 then on to Morrison's for tea and the food shopping.

The rest of the week involves the home ed meet at Crummock water tomorrow and on Friday we have a date to see Millie in her performance with Stagecoach.They are doing Alice in wonderland.
Apart from that the days are free - at the mo:-)

Saturday we travel to Ripon to visit Auntie Chris and attend Emma's family birthday tea:-) On Sunday to feed Emily's passion for speed,we are going to Lightwater Valley, courtesy of Tesco vouchers :-) Milly is beside herself with excitement and is looking forward to showing me all the rides - it seems I have to go on some as well !

Wednesday, 11 August 2010

3 park day :-)

A lovely day with best friend Amy today!

She arrived at 9.45 this morning and they said goodbye at around 7pm.
Milly was very happy and pronounced it a ten out of ten day:-)

It was the weekly home ed meet up but there were only two families today.Not a problem though - we met at a play park and after an hour and a half there we went to get some chips and sat on the harbour wall eating them.The plan had been to go to the rock pools but the tide was in :-(
It was a cold and windy day but I am not complaining it is an improvement on the rain that seems to have become the norm these last few weeks.

After saying goodbye to our friends we moved on to another play park that had the added advantage of the beach and even though the tide was in there was a stretch of cobbles we could access the water from.
Not the most inviting of seas:-)

Oh well... roll up the tracksuit bottoms and off we go!
I resisted the temptation:-) I did take my shoes off and waded so far in and was pleasantly surprised how warm the water was - the force 10 gale ( OK slight exaggeration *grin* ) 
Just made things seem much colder:-)))

Lot's of giggles,screaming out loud ( I joined in with that too very invigorating ) and moshing - didn't join in with that - in the waves :-)
Oh and a couple of wet behinds:-)

The longest bubble gum in the world for Milly and some Honeycomb for Amy from the shop before setting off home for play,a snack,the Simpson's and a visit to the village park before saying goodbye.A sleepover together planned for Friday means they don't have to wait long before seeing each other again.

A great fun day....

Tuesday, 3 August 2010

Two reminders...

Took me some time to get out of bed this morning! Decided not to fight it and lay thinking and planning :-)

Milly slept on whilst I came down and cleaned round and had breakfast.The postman came and delivered a parcel I knew she would want to see:-) It was a soft toy wolf from The Wolf Conservation Trust.
She has been named Chrissy and is the new alpha female of the pack:-)

Some time ago Milly had requested we find out more about the Egyptians.We have been so busy out and about that this is the first opportunity we have had to do anything about it.We did try the new Rick Riordan book a while ago which she was keen to start but decided not to continue with.She hadn't really given it much of a chance, only sitting through a couple of chapters - she may go back to it - we will see, she knows what she needs and sometimes just needs to come to it in her own time.

 Today I asked if she would like to read the Horrible histories Awful Egyptians and she did, so we spent the next hour reading and giggling! She astounded me with her knowledge - telling me about the various Pharaohs and customs as I started to read the sections.She hasn't sat through one lesson and hasn't had to write any essays.Her knowledge has been gained from various books,TV shows,DVDs,conversations.I had no clue she knew all this information.- she doesn't have a need to share information about what she knows and has no reason to as no-one is checking what she knows!
It serves as a reminder though - who knows what she is gathering up - what she is taking from each thing she does/sees/hears.Her time is never wasted - she is learning all the time and not just about "Educational"subjects.Just because she never needs to test her knowledge and have someone grade her it doesn't make her less intelligent or knowledgeable.

After breakfast - and a bit of TV for her and paperwork/phone calls for me - she asked if we could go and lay down to read some more - this we did and then, as she played with her wolf pack, she told me more facts about wolves and their behaviour:-)

Tesco delivery came and what was the one thing she wanted to eat from the shopping,which, amongst other things included, choc caramel biscuits,crisps,quavers,all of them her favourites:-) She opened the chocolate milk and asked for some cucumber and lettuce!

Lunch, after which Milly decided to watch Alice in wonderland (the old version) She had tried it quite a while ago and hadn't liked it - she said she found it boring and strange!! She thought she would like to give it another go:-) She is still watching it and enjoying it but commented that the person who wrote it  must be mad!!
We haven't seen the new version yet.

After it finishes we are going to deliver some leaflets for my lovely friend Rezwana at Visage.
Rezwana is an amazing woman - she is a very gifted healer - who has enabled me to move on and get through some awful "stuff".She doesn't coddle you - you have to want to heal and change,she can't do it for you - but she is so supportive and there for you all the way. I am blessed to have her in my life.

We both had treatments with her on Saturday.Milly is going through a hightened sensitive/emotional phase.She tends to make leaps forward and then regress somewhat - a pattern that has always happened.She is more likely to look to me to answer for her and won't want to do things by herself so much.She finds it difficult to settle at night and even when exhausted she can't sleep.There have been nights when she has gone to bed tired but she has been laying in bed awake til 2.30.The day times can then be quite difficult.It makes no difference how busy we are or how early or late she gets up.She had a sleepover planned on Friday and had sat up til one the night before because she couldn't sleep - not the best preparation for what was bound to be a late night!
Trying times for her and usually I can cope but I am going through a rough patch hormonally and the nightimes are punctuated almost hourly by hot sweats:-( A recipe for fractious relationships!

We spent the day of the sleepover out and about with best friend Amy and her lovely family.Then we came home and the two of them went to get ready.Amy was the designer and the two of them came down all glammed up.Emily had gone overboard on the eyeliner and looked as though she had been in a battle and Amy was wearing Emily's trainers which were 2 or 3 sizes too big:-)
But all in all they both looked good and in Emily's case, individual!

We went shopping in Sainsburys for sleepover goodies.Millys behaviour was atrocious and being tired I didn't really handle things at all well.I didn't even stop to think about why it would have changed and just put it down to her tiredness and felt very angry with her.After a word or ten about her behaviour the evening seemed to go well.

It wasn't til the next day when we talked through things that I found out the catalyst for it was a comment made about how lovely Amy looked and how wrinkly Emily's legging's were. Because she is in such a sensitive space it really upset her - she couldn't verbalise how she felt when it was said and it came out in sulky and very childish behaviour. Sometimes it can be something so subtle and seemingly unimportant - to others - but to her it is important .Her reaction may seem extreme but that is how she deals with it at that time and her emotions are valid.It would be a different reaction if she were in a different space emotionally.
 Just a reminder for me that when behaviour like that happens, there is always an underlying cause.

The next night she decided to sleep in our room again and has done for a couple of nights.Every bump and bruise are major occurrences and she will cry where she would normally brush them off.As we have been out delivering leaflets (which she is keen to do) she wants me to go up every path, to every door with her.She is anxious that someone might open the door or that a dog will bark and give her a shock.It can seem extreme for her to be so anxious,especially when she has been through a period of being more sure of herself .Some would probably question the validity of her feelings and try to cajole her out of it - just as I was advised to do, by many people, when she began to crawl and then after a few weeks she stopped and would sit in the middle of a room and cry rather than crawl .I was very often torn over which way to handle it - I followed my heart and picked her up - after some time she crawled again and eventually she moved on and walked - then she did the same with walking and we carried her or she went in her buggy if she didn't want to walk.I think back and remember all the other mum's were having problems getting their toddlers to go back in the buggy because they were loving the freedom of walking and Milly couldn't wait to get back in hers:-) I understand her pattern, she will move on in her own time with our support.It will  - as it always has - pass and she will move on again,knowing that it is not wrong,it is just her way... 

Monday, 2 August 2010

Neglect due to Facebook!!!

Hello my poor neglected Blog! I am so sorry I have not been around,I am afraid you have been Facebooked!

Milly's friend Millie set me up a facebook page aver a year ago but it is only in the last month or so that I have started using it and although I am not addicted - no really I am not :-) - I do like it a lot!!
I have met some lovely people on there - some I know from Blogland but others have come into my life via the connections of others.

We are ticking along just fine.
Busy bee's over the last month or so but into a quieter time this week...

Unschooling is a way of life now -  no worries about what Emily is learning and what she isn't - no assessment of where she "should " be at this stage - no panic that she doesn't know everything her schooled friends do - after all she may have great knowledge in many areas not covered by the national
 curriculum :-)) We don't separate learning from living.Some days are full on and others are not,
we don't feel the need to fill every waking moment with an activity.Obviously we are human and some days are not harmonious, we are not perfect and have mood swings and say things that upset each other.We learn just as much from those times as any other.We talk and apologise where needed and move on.

Life is good :-)