"Although I speak from my own experience, I feel that no one has the right to impose his or her beliefs on another person. I will not propose to you that my way is best. The decision is up to you. If you find some point which may be suitable for you, then you can carry out experiments for yourself. If you find that it is off no use, then you can discard it." Dalai Lama...

Tuesday, 3 August 2010

Two reminders...

Took me some time to get out of bed this morning! Decided not to fight it and lay thinking and planning :-)

Milly slept on whilst I came down and cleaned round and had breakfast.The postman came and delivered a parcel I knew she would want to see:-) It was a soft toy wolf from The Wolf Conservation Trust.
She has been named Chrissy and is the new alpha female of the pack:-)

Some time ago Milly had requested we find out more about the Egyptians.We have been so busy out and about that this is the first opportunity we have had to do anything about it.We did try the new Rick Riordan book a while ago which she was keen to start but decided not to continue with.She hadn't really given it much of a chance, only sitting through a couple of chapters - she may go back to it - we will see, she knows what she needs and sometimes just needs to come to it in her own time.

 Today I asked if she would like to read the Horrible histories Awful Egyptians and she did, so we spent the next hour reading and giggling! She astounded me with her knowledge - telling me about the various Pharaohs and customs as I started to read the sections.She hasn't sat through one lesson and hasn't had to write any essays.Her knowledge has been gained from various books,TV shows,DVDs,conversations.I had no clue she knew all this information.- she doesn't have a need to share information about what she knows and has no reason to as no-one is checking what she knows!
It serves as a reminder though - who knows what she is gathering up - what she is taking from each thing she does/sees/hears.Her time is never wasted - she is learning all the time and not just about "Educational"subjects.Just because she never needs to test her knowledge and have someone grade her it doesn't make her less intelligent or knowledgeable.

After breakfast - and a bit of TV for her and paperwork/phone calls for me - she asked if we could go and lay down to read some more - this we did and then, as she played with her wolf pack, she told me more facts about wolves and their behaviour:-)

Tesco delivery came and what was the one thing she wanted to eat from the shopping,which, amongst other things included, choc caramel biscuits,crisps,quavers,all of them her favourites:-) She opened the chocolate milk and asked for some cucumber and lettuce!

Lunch, after which Milly decided to watch Alice in wonderland (the old version) She had tried it quite a while ago and hadn't liked it - she said she found it boring and strange!! She thought she would like to give it another go:-) She is still watching it and enjoying it but commented that the person who wrote it  must be mad!!
We haven't seen the new version yet.

After it finishes we are going to deliver some leaflets for my lovely friend Rezwana at Visage.
Rezwana is an amazing woman - she is a very gifted healer - who has enabled me to move on and get through some awful "stuff".She doesn't coddle you - you have to want to heal and change,she can't do it for you - but she is so supportive and there for you all the way. I am blessed to have her in my life.

We both had treatments with her on Saturday.Milly is going through a hightened sensitive/emotional phase.She tends to make leaps forward and then regress somewhat - a pattern that has always happened.She is more likely to look to me to answer for her and won't want to do things by herself so much.She finds it difficult to settle at night and even when exhausted she can't sleep.There have been nights when she has gone to bed tired but she has been laying in bed awake til 2.30.The day times can then be quite difficult.It makes no difference how busy we are or how early or late she gets up.She had a sleepover planned on Friday and had sat up til one the night before because she couldn't sleep - not the best preparation for what was bound to be a late night!
Trying times for her and usually I can cope but I am going through a rough patch hormonally and the nightimes are punctuated almost hourly by hot sweats:-( A recipe for fractious relationships!

We spent the day of the sleepover out and about with best friend Amy and her lovely family.Then we came home and the two of them went to get ready.Amy was the designer and the two of them came down all glammed up.Emily had gone overboard on the eyeliner and looked as though she had been in a battle and Amy was wearing Emily's trainers which were 2 or 3 sizes too big:-)
But all in all they both looked good and in Emily's case, individual!

We went shopping in Sainsburys for sleepover goodies.Millys behaviour was atrocious and being tired I didn't really handle things at all well.I didn't even stop to think about why it would have changed and just put it down to her tiredness and felt very angry with her.After a word or ten about her behaviour the evening seemed to go well.

It wasn't til the next day when we talked through things that I found out the catalyst for it was a comment made about how lovely Amy looked and how wrinkly Emily's legging's were. Because she is in such a sensitive space it really upset her - she couldn't verbalise how she felt when it was said and it came out in sulky and very childish behaviour. Sometimes it can be something so subtle and seemingly unimportant - to others - but to her it is important .Her reaction may seem extreme but that is how she deals with it at that time and her emotions are valid.It would be a different reaction if she were in a different space emotionally.
 Just a reminder for me that when behaviour like that happens, there is always an underlying cause.

The next night she decided to sleep in our room again and has done for a couple of nights.Every bump and bruise are major occurrences and she will cry where she would normally brush them off.As we have been out delivering leaflets (which she is keen to do) she wants me to go up every path, to every door with her.She is anxious that someone might open the door or that a dog will bark and give her a shock.It can seem extreme for her to be so anxious,especially when she has been through a period of being more sure of herself .Some would probably question the validity of her feelings and try to cajole her out of it - just as I was advised to do, by many people, when she began to crawl and then after a few weeks she stopped and would sit in the middle of a room and cry rather than crawl .I was very often torn over which way to handle it - I followed my heart and picked her up - after some time she crawled again and eventually she moved on and walked - then she did the same with walking and we carried her or she went in her buggy if she didn't want to walk.I think back and remember all the other mum's were having problems getting their toddlers to go back in the buggy because they were loving the freedom of walking and Milly couldn't wait to get back in hers:-) I understand her pattern, she will move on in her own time with our support.It will  - as it always has - pass and she will move on again,knowing that it is not wrong,it is just her way... 

4 comments:

dawny said...

Lynn you know that is so true isn't it we never know what they are learning! thank you for the reminder. x

dawny said...

I didn't say that very well , what i meant was , we never know what they're pickingup on and what is causing stuff - good and bad. You know sometimes it's learning like the egyptian thing, other times it's stuff that just sits and bugs them and comes out ages later- Millie is so lucky that you understand her so very well :)

Michelle said...

Aw. Growing up is so hard. C says she doesn't want to get older. I said "Me too!"

MillieMadHatter said...

Lewis Carroll - who wrote Alice in Wonderland - was not 'mad'... not medically. He was very high on opium (a drug that was highly fashionable in the 1860's when Alice's adventures in wonderland was written). This is why the caterpillar smokes a pipe - filled with opium.... it's a tribute to himself. Alice in wonderland was originally a story told to three nieces of Lewis's to get them to sleep at night. Lewis often fell asleep dreaming he was falling down a rabbit hole.