A LIFE WORTH LIVING....: A twinge of regret.

Thursday, 5 February 2009

A twinge of regret.

I found this picture whilst I was sorting some paperwork out.I remember the day it was taken.I remember how she loved to wear my boots and would spend great parts of the day clopping around in them.I had many images of the happy days we used to share and her easy going nature,her innocence and complete trust in me.Looking at this picture made me cry.

I try not to regret things,my thinking is that things happen for a reason and that we grow and learn from all experiences. I knew school wasn't right for her,in my heart I knew.But I just didn't have the confidence to follow my heart and I don't know if I will ever stop regretting that.

I am just grateful we got her out and we are now able to live this life and to help her to recover from the hurt she felt during those years.

7 comments:

Stephanie said...: Aaaaw... don't be so hard on yourself.
You're right... we learn and grow, and things happen for a reason.

Just remember that it's not fair to beat up her Mommy about it.

Love her well enough today to heal yourself. I'm sure she's recovering beautifully!; 6 February 2009 at 01:59
Unschoolers Rock the Campground said...: No regrets!
I, too, would have done things differently. We didn't listen to our hearts at first, either. But, we all do our best at every given moment. We learn and grow. Think of how great it is that Emily knows that you can admit to mistakes and make things better. It's awesome!
No regrets!; 6 February 2009 at 02:47
Anonymous said...: Big hugs for you Lynn. This post is really moving and thought-provoking. Following your heart when it is telling you to do something that goes against the grain of what most people do is incredibly difficult, and no-one should feel bad for not being able to. I'm sure Emily appreciates you and the life you have created for her all the more as she can compare it to what most children have to do (ie go to school/nursery) and can be grateful that she has a mother who is brave enough to home educate her. :) xxx; 6 February 2009 at 13:48
Shirl said...: It takes a lot of courage to make the decision to home educate and because of that it's not a decision made lightly. You are right, everything does happen for a reason. I think you are doing a great job and Emily will look back and appreciate everything you have done to help her.; 6 February 2009 at 21:28
stefndawniy said...: lots of sympathy for how you feel Lynn *hugs
we feel like that with naomi too. All you can do is make the most of now so that that time is well forgotten or put behind. I guess we have to have the downs to appreciate the ups :o); 7 February 2009 at 00:43
Mam said...: Hello I'm a new reader. your post struck a chord we're newly home eduacating and there are reminders of school everywhere, but it's the pictures of the kids when they were tiny and just starting that hurt. How little we all know when we start out as parents. Emily is very lucky to have parents who recognised that school was not working and is not compulsory, and who are now tailoring her life to suit her as an individual. Hazel xx; 7 February 2009 at 20:21
Lynn said...: Thank you all so much, you are all lovely:-)

There are a few pictures I have of Emily that always make me catch my breath.They are not beautifully posed artistic shots, they are ones that have seemed to capture her essence,does that make sense? The way she tilted her head and the look on her face in this one just transported me back to that time and caught me out!!
When I started out on this blog adventure I was so concerned about putting such personal "stuff" out there.I appreciate you reaching out and your words have helped A lot xx; 8 February 2009 at 09:09

This is me.....

There comes a time when you have to stand up and shout: This is me damn it! I look the way I look, think the way I think, feel the way I feel, love the way I love! I am a whole complex package. Take me... or leave me. Accept me - or walk away! Do not try to make me feel like less of a person, just because I don't fit your idea of who I should be and don't try to change me to fit your mold. If I need to change, I alone will make that decision.When you are strong enough to love yourself 100%, good and bad - you will be amazed at the opportunities that life presents you.” Stacey Charter.

Why we Home educate

( Slightly edited from a blog post I did when we started out) In the end the actual decision to take Emily out only took a matter of days but before that it had been around a year and a half of talking about ti and reading books, Free range education by Terri Dowty, Educating your child at home by Jane Lowe and Alan Thomas were two that had a real impact for different reasons. Free range education has lots of examples of real life home educators and I think I can say that it was this one that convinced me the most that we could do it. We are two very average people ,neither of us left school with many qualifications, we went on to do quite well in our chosen professions and had no need to think about the education system at all until Emily came along.

I knew about home education and when Emily was born considered it as an optionbut always felt my lack of education would be a problem and that I wouldn't be capable of providing her with what she would need.Looking back with hindsight it is easy to see how wrong I was!!

School never really suited Emily......After the nursery year at a very highly rated, high achieving school we knew that particular School wasn't for us and took her out. We enrolled her in a lovely village school with only 70 children in the whole school .The ethos of the school was totally different, the children didn't wear uniforms and there was much more emphasis on the children being individuals.The head was a sensitive and principled man who wanted the best for the children. We thought we had struck gold.Over the reception and year 1 Emily gained confidence and really started to bloom. It was at this time she was diagnosed with dyspraxia( we had had to go down the diagnosis route as our observations of Emily's difficulties were not enough to enable the teachers to tailor things so she was helped and given less work in class) but she managed quite well in the more relaxed play orientated early years.Year 2 with more emphasis on academic activities got progressively harder for her. She is very sensitive and it wasn't just the academic side it was the embarassment of having to put her hand up for the toilet,seeing others being told off and worrying in case she did something wrong and got the same treatment, panicking because she couldn't do the work and the teacher never had time to sit with her (alot of this did not come out until she had left school) her behaviour at home became worse and worse she was so angry and obviously stressed . At this time we began to seriously consider taking her out but held back because of my lack of confidence in my ability to provide her with an adequate education ,my health being so poor was also a major stumbling block.

Then in year three it became blatantly obvious that something needed to change .She was struggling on all levels and we couldn't allow the school system to damage our daughter anymore.She became ill with a bug that was doing the rounds and she was off for two weeks , during that time I had a conversation with a friend who home educates her two children and I was so upset I couldn't make a decision and she said just go with whats in your heart and that really helped me to shift my thinking and stop worrying about what I couldn't give her and focus on what I could give her.

We never sent her back.I still get emotional when I think of that time , the look on Emily's face when we told her she would never have to go back to school was priceless,the immense sense of relief that we were off the treadmill of school life and the excitement of the time ahead and to be honest the fear of the unknown......

So here we are four years on and a lot of reading and researching later I feel comfortable with what we are doing . The changes that have happened so far have been helped along the way by the many wonderful blogs out there.They are so varied and there are so many different approaches , I have found ones that I can identify with and have read a lot of archive material that has been written in each and found answers to so many of the questions I have had that they have helped me to sort out what will work best for us .As much as I wish we had done this earlier and saved Emily from the distress that she went through I do believe things happen for a reason and that the time was right for us to take her out and that looking on the bright side one of the benefits is that at least she has had a taste of school and now we all know without a doubt that it is not for us !!!!

It is very liberating to be making decisions based on what works best for us as a family and not what society expects.

Let your child be a child.

No child was ever spoiled by too much love.

Be authentic with your child.

Listen openly to your child’s needs.

Believe in your child’s good intentions.

Find the humour.

Look past the behaviour… what is your child feeling?

Have fun with your child today!

“There is no reason why we cannot say ‘No’ to children in just as kind a way as we say ‘Yes’.” - John Holt

“Play is really the work of childhood.” - Fred Rogers

“The best way to make children good is to make them happy.” - Oscar Wilde

Children thrive in a peaceful and loving environment.

A child needs love most when things go wrong.

Children reflect the treatment they receive.

A few qoutes I like....

Life shouldn't be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in, broadside, thouroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly shouting, 'WOW'.... Beth Moore

The perpetual testing of public school children is like a gardener constantly pulling his plants up by the roots to see if they are growing....(unknown)

Children require guidance and sympathy far more than instuction...Helen Kellers teacher

I hear and I forget I see and I remember I do and I understand...Confusious