"Although I speak from my own experience, I feel that no one has the right to impose his or her beliefs on another person. I will not propose to you that my way is best. The decision is up to you. If you find some point which may be suitable for you, then you can carry out experiments for yourself. If you find that it is off no use, then you can discard it." Dalai Lama...

Monday, 17 May 2010

Ballet and a Funeral...

I have a marathon catch up post to do - probably not tonight though - we have been quite busy and I would like to get it down so I don't have a big gap when I look back!

I took Emily to Millie's house earlier.They are going off to The Theatre by the lake at Keswick to see Giselle.The theatre does free tickets for some shows and Maria had got a couple for tonight's show.Emily is then staying over and I will pick her up some time in the morning.I look forward to hearing what they think.Emily was very happy to go to keep Millie company but was concerned she might find it boring!!
In the car before I dropped her off we talked about it being a good opportunity to experience something new and it would be good to go in with an open mind.Life is all about exploring and we might never know what could engage us if we don't try different things.

I went on to the Weightwatchers meeting to get weighed and have put on two and a half pounds this week.I am annoyed with myself, but I have found it tough this week.My Nan died on Thursday and (understandably) I just haven't been focused.

Nana lives down in Yorkshire and was 91.We were due to see her next month,we haven't seen her since her 90th party in December.
She had a fall a couple of weeks ago and after a brief stay in hospital went back to her flat in a nursing home.She was admitted to hospital again after having a stroke last Tuesday and was in a bad way.She passed away peacefully in the early hours of Thursday morning.

She played a big part in my childhood...
Mum went back to work when I was about nine months old and Dad was abroad (RAF) so Nana looked after me.Throughout the years we often lived with her if we weren't travelling the globe/country with Dad.

Her and Harry (her second husband,my Grandad having died when I was two) took us out for days in their little Mini.I saw Herbie rides again with them and also The jungle book.They took us on so many other outings that Mum just couldn't have afforded to do.

Because Mum worked ,we (my two sisters and myself) spent many days during holidays with her.
She taught me how to make rag rugs,how to crochet,embroider and knit.Non of these skills have stayed with me! It was a way to keep us occupied during the long school hols and I was a rather unwilling participant...

I remember the pattern on her carpet in the living room vividly,we made games up where we couldn't step on various bits of the pattern and have to get from one side of the room to the other to win.
She was a fabulous cook/baker,and I have fond memories of cakes and scrummy meals.
I remember going once and she got me helping to make stuffed Marrow for lunch.Non of us was keen to try it (we had no choice about it of course, if you didn't eat it you were likely to get it for tea ) but it turned out to be delicious. However she made the worst porridge ever!! It was so thin and she put salt in it,put me off it for many years;-)

Her funeral is next Tuesday.

On Friday I was really tired and was in bed by nine.During the day as we had talked Milly had been unsure about going to the funeral.She said she didn't want to see everyone she loves being sad :-(  During the evening while I was in bed and Alan was watching TV she sat at her Laptop and researched funeral poems.She found this one by Mary Elizabeth Frye.She remembered it had been in an episode of Casualty.She wrote it out .

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
I am the star shine of the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room.
I am in the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there. I do not die.
Initially she wanted to read it out at the funeral.After some thought she decided she might get stage fright and decided against that.I said I would talk to my Mum - who was travelling to meet with her Sister and Brothers to plan the service the next day - and ask them if they could print it in the order of service.
They decided it would be nice to have copies made and have them on the pews- with a note on letting everyone know that Emily had chosen it - there will be an opportunity for her to read it out (if she feels able to) on the day.
My Mum had a difficult relationship with her Mum,all her children did actually.
Mum travelled down to see her in the hospital a couple of days before she died but Nana didn't know who she was.The thing that upset me -  for my Mums sake - was that they never had the chance to talk,to forgive and make peace.
Patterns repeat themselves in families,Alan and I set out on our parenting journey to change unhealthy patterns set in both our families.
Another reminder, if one was needed, to keep working at our relationship with Emily.
Rest in peace Nana xxxx


Michelle said...

Oh I am so sorry to read this. xxxx

MillieMadHatter said...

That poem is beautiful, well done Emily xx

Anonymous said...

So sorry for your loss.

You have some beautiful memories of your Nan. They will become more and more precious as time goes on.


Lynn said...

Thanks guys xx

Hannah said...

Sorry to hear anout you Nan, Lynn x