A LIFE WORTH LIVING....: Milly's Birth day...

Wednesday, 16 February 2011

Milly's Birth day...

I wrote this a while ago in another post called Baby Diaries.

Seems appropriate on Milly's 12th Birthday to remember her enrty into this world and the amazing and profound change she has made to our lives :-)

My Darling Emily,

yes,what a difference in 23 days!!You are here with us and what a story to tell..

A week ago tonight on 16.02.99 a Tuesday at 10.25 you were born by cesarean section in an emergency operation.I had preeclampsia,a serious condition that endangered both our lives.A special scan called a Doppler scan found that you were experiencing trauma, so it was decided to get you out as soon as possible.

Daddy had just left the hospital at 7.30 and I had to phone him at 8,30 to tell him the news.He rushed back,not having any time for tea.The preparations for the cesarean were well under way.I have to say I was in shock when I was told you were to be delivered so soon.I was worried for you and I just felt so unprepared to have you .Another worry was how ugly a scar from surgery would be. A lovely midwife called Julie talked with me and realised I was getting myself worked up.She set my mind at rest by pulling the curtains around me and showed me her scar!! It was just the perfect thing for her to have done,we laughed and my mood changed from fear to a sense of excitement and anticipation.

I went into theatre with your Dad holding my hand and we were able to laugh and joke with the doctors and midwives.

It is a very strange experience, I felt no pain at all when they gave me various injections even though I am a notorious coward.Then the big one into my spine!

Could I be brave?

I sat on the table with my spine bent, leaning over towards your Dad who was rubbing my hands and talking calmly to me

I never felt a thing,just a slight pressure.

Then I was put onto the table til my legs went numb and the operation began.

They had squirted ice cold liquid down the length of my body to ensure I couldn't feel anything but I had to work really hard not to panic as I tried to imagine when the first cut was made,just waiting in case I felt pain.

Of course I didn't.

I was talking to the anesthetist about the fact that we had no names picked out and he was telling me how he and his wife had their son and picked Seth as his name even though they had never contemplated it before they saw his face.

Daddy held my hand and watched everything.He told me when you were coming out,all I could feel was a rummaging feeling and a slight sucking sensation.I will never forget the look on Daddy's face as he saw you and we were told you were a girl.I felt that I had just given him the best gift ever.

I couldn't see you straight away,they had explained the procedure was to get you out and on to special care as soon as possible and we obviously knew that was a priority.After a while they brought you over to me,you were wrapped in a blanket crying lustily and I joined in!!

I have been known to have a good cry before,but that was the most emotional experience of my life!!
Daddy went along to special care to see you settled in.He was like the cat that got the cream.When we were taken back to my room we had a little time on our own before we heard from the nurses that Uncle Tony and Auntie Elaine were coming over.

Daddy went out to see you twice whilst I got my breath back.The nurse brought me two pictures of you and later I was wheeled down in the bed to see you.

When Auntie Elaine and Uncle Tony arrived I was so happy to see that Auntie Paula also came with them and brought a card from Uncle Charles who had to stay home and look after Alex.
I want to hold on to the memories of that night,the strange calm feeling even through all that was going on.The relief that you were crying.The feelings of love I had for you and your Dad.The laughter and joking in the theatre.The prospect of a new life with you.The sight of your Dad ,so cock a hoop and happier than I had ever seen him.Auntie Elaine barging slightly tipsy through the door into special care even though she wasn't allowed!The unexpected sight of auntie Paula and the joy that she had also been able to come.
I don't remember saying goodbye to your Dad.I don't remember going to sleep.I can remember worrying Daddy hadn't had tea and that he didn't want any food at the hospital.I can't remember any pain that night.I remember experiencing an emotional special life changing night and I hope I can always remember that feeling.

Talk to you again soon my darling.

I love you Emily xx

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This is me.....

There comes a time when you have to stand up and shout: This is me damn it! I look the way I look, think the way I think, feel the way I feel, love the way I love! I am a whole complex package. Take me... or leave me. Accept me - or walk away! Do not try to make me feel like less of a person, just because I don't fit your idea of who I should be and don't try to change me to fit your mold. If I need to change, I alone will make that decision.When you are strong enough to love yourself 100%, good and bad - you will be amazed at the opportunities that life presents you.” Stacey Charter.

Why we Home educate

( Slightly edited from a blog post I did when we started out) In the end the actual decision to take Emily out only took a matter of days but before that it had been around a year and a half of talking about ti and reading books, Free range education by Terri Dowty, Educating your child at home by Jane Lowe and Alan Thomas were two that had a real impact for different reasons. Free range education has lots of examples of real life home educators and I think I can say that it was this one that convinced me the most that we could do it. We are two very average people ,neither of us left school with many qualifications, we went on to do quite well in our chosen professions and had no need to think about the education system at all until Emily came along.

I knew about home education and when Emily was born considered it as an optionbut always felt my lack of education would be a problem and that I wouldn't be capable of providing her with what she would need.Looking back with hindsight it is easy to see how wrong I was!!

School never really suited Emily......After the nursery year at a very highly rated, high achieving school we knew that particular School wasn't for us and took her out. We enrolled her in a lovely village school with only 70 children in the whole school .The ethos of the school was totally different, the children didn't wear uniforms and there was much more emphasis on the children being individuals.The head was a sensitive and principled man who wanted the best for the children. We thought we had struck gold.Over the reception and year 1 Emily gained confidence and really started to bloom. It was at this time she was diagnosed with dyspraxia( we had had to go down the diagnosis route as our observations of Emily's difficulties were not enough to enable the teachers to tailor things so she was helped and given less work in class) but she managed quite well in the more relaxed play orientated early years.Year 2 with more emphasis on academic activities got progressively harder for her. She is very sensitive and it wasn't just the academic side it was the embarassment of having to put her hand up for the toilet,seeing others being told off and worrying in case she did something wrong and got the same treatment, panicking because she couldn't do the work and the teacher never had time to sit with her (alot of this did not come out until she had left school) her behaviour at home became worse and worse she was so angry and obviously stressed . At this time we began to seriously consider taking her out but held back because of my lack of confidence in my ability to provide her with an adequate education ,my health being so poor was also a major stumbling block.

Then in year three it became blatantly obvious that something needed to change .She was struggling on all levels and we couldn't allow the school system to damage our daughter anymore.She became ill with a bug that was doing the rounds and she was off for two weeks , during that time I had a conversation with a friend who home educates her two children and I was so upset I couldn't make a decision and she said just go with whats in your heart and that really helped me to shift my thinking and stop worrying about what I couldn't give her and focus on what I could give her.

We never sent her back.I still get emotional when I think of that time , the look on Emily's face when we told her she would never have to go back to school was priceless,the immense sense of relief that we were off the treadmill of school life and the excitement of the time ahead and to be honest the fear of the unknown......

So here we are four years on and a lot of reading and researching later I feel comfortable with what we are doing . The changes that have happened so far have been helped along the way by the many wonderful blogs out there.They are so varied and there are so many different approaches , I have found ones that I can identify with and have read a lot of archive material that has been written in each and found answers to so many of the questions I have had that they have helped me to sort out what will work best for us .As much as I wish we had done this earlier and saved Emily from the distress that she went through I do believe things happen for a reason and that the time was right for us to take her out and that looking on the bright side one of the benefits is that at least she has had a taste of school and now we all know without a doubt that it is not for us !!!!

It is very liberating to be making decisions based on what works best for us as a family and not what society expects.

Let your child be a child.

No child was ever spoiled by too much love.

Be authentic with your child.

Listen openly to your child’s needs.

Believe in your child’s good intentions.

Find the humour.

Look past the behaviour… what is your child feeling?

Have fun with your child today!

“There is no reason why we cannot say ‘No’ to children in just as kind a way as we say ‘Yes’.” - John Holt

“Play is really the work of childhood.” - Fred Rogers

“The best way to make children good is to make them happy.” - Oscar Wilde

Children thrive in a peaceful and loving environment.

A child needs love most when things go wrong.

Children reflect the treatment they receive.

A few qoutes I like....

Life shouldn't be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in, broadside, thouroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly shouting, 'WOW'.... Beth Moore

The perpetual testing of public school children is like a gardener constantly pulling his plants up by the roots to see if they are growing....(unknown)

Children require guidance and sympathy far more than instuction...Helen Kellers teacher

I hear and I forget I see and I remember I do and I understand...Confusious