"Although I speak from my own experience, I feel that no one has the right to impose his or her beliefs on another person. I will not propose to you that my way is best. The decision is up to you. If you find some point which may be suitable for you, then you can carry out experiments for yourself. If you find that it is off no use, then you can discard it." Dalai Lama...

Wednesday, 16 February 2011

Milly's Birth day...

I wrote this a while ago in another post called Baby Diaries.

Seems appropriate on Milly's 12th Birthday to remember her enrty into this world and the amazing and profound change she has made to our lives :-)

My Darling Emily,

yes,what a difference in 23 days!!You are here with us and what a story to tell..

A week ago tonight on 16.02.99 a Tuesday at 10.25 you were born by cesarean section in an emergency operation.I had preeclampsia,a serious condition that endangered both our lives.A special scan called a Doppler scan found that you were experiencing trauma, so it was decided to get you out as soon as possible.

Daddy had just left the hospital at 7.30 and I had to phone him at 8,30 to tell him the news.He rushed back,not having any time for tea.The preparations for the cesarean were well under way.I have to say I was in shock when I was told you were to be delivered so soon.I was worried for you and I just felt so unprepared to have you .Another worry was how ugly a scar from surgery would be. A lovely midwife called Julie talked with me and realised I was getting myself worked up.She set my mind at rest by pulling the curtains around me and showed me her scar!! It was just the perfect thing for her to have done,we laughed and my mood changed from fear to a sense of excitement and anticipation.

I went into theatre with your Dad holding my hand and we were able to laugh and joke with the doctors and midwives.

It is a very strange experience, I felt no pain at all when they gave me various injections even though I am a notorious coward.Then the big one into my spine!

Could I be brave?

I sat on the table with my spine bent, leaning over towards your Dad who was rubbing my hands and talking calmly to me

I never felt a thing,just a slight pressure.

Then I was put onto the table til my legs went numb and the operation began.

They had squirted ice cold liquid down the length of my body to ensure I couldn't feel anything but I had to work really hard not to panic as I tried to imagine when the first cut was made,just waiting in case I felt pain.

Of course I didn't.

I was talking to the anesthetist about the fact that we had no names picked out and he was telling me how he and his wife had their son and picked Seth as his name even though they had never contemplated it before they saw his face.

Daddy held my hand and watched everything.He told me when you were coming out,all I could feel was a rummaging feeling and a slight sucking sensation.I will never forget the look on Daddy's face as he saw you and we were told you were a girl.I felt that I had just given him the best gift ever.

I couldn't see you straight away,they had explained the procedure was to get you out and on to special care as soon as possible and we obviously knew that was a priority.After a while they brought you over to me,you were wrapped in a blanket crying lustily and I joined in!!

I have been known to have a good cry before,but that was the most emotional experience of my life!!
Daddy went along to special care to see you settled in.He was like the cat that got the cream.When we were taken back to my room we had a little time on our own before we heard from the nurses that Uncle Tony and Auntie Elaine were coming over.

Daddy went out to see you twice whilst I got my breath back.The nurse brought me two pictures of you and later I was wheeled down in the bed to see you.

When Auntie Elaine and Uncle Tony arrived I was so happy to see that Auntie Paula also came with them and brought a card from Uncle Charles who had to stay home and look after Alex.
I want to hold on to the memories of that night,the strange calm feeling even through all that was going on.The relief that you were crying.The feelings of love I had for you and your Dad.The laughter and joking in the theatre.The prospect of a new life with you.The sight of your Dad ,so cock a hoop and happier than I had ever seen him.Auntie Elaine barging slightly tipsy through the door into special care even though she wasn't allowed!The unexpected sight of auntie Paula and the joy that she had also been able to come.
I don't remember saying goodbye to your Dad.I don't remember going to sleep.I can remember worrying Daddy hadn't had tea and that he didn't want any food at the hospital.I can't remember any pain that night.I remember experiencing an emotional special life changing night and I hope I can always remember that feeling.

Talk to you again soon my darling.

I love you Emily xx

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