A LIFE WORTH LIVING....: A day of reflection and Milly got married!!!

Tuesday 29 January 2008

A day of reflection and Milly got married!!!

I have had lots to think about today.I have had some really helpful comments and have managed to get clear in my own mind that my issue has not been about Emily being different because that is the thing I love so much about her.It is much more to do with me and my self confidence and ability to accept Emily's choice's and not feel judged for allowing her to make them.I have a way to go but as with everything once you are aware of a problem then change seems to occur. I do think I have to communicate even more with her in social situations and also remember we are a family and all need to live happily with each others choices.I do love this blogging it helps in so many ways!!

I got up this morning and Emily came down not far behind me.I started breakfast and Milly went up to listen to a story tape by Philip Pullman (the title escapes me but it is not one of the Northern lights trilogy)She drew and when I called her down for breakfast she came down but decided she would like to eat upstairs which she then did.I toyed with the idea of making a suggestion to play a board game but she often sits and draws for ages and will come down when she has had enough so I decided to leave her for a time.I went up a little while later and she was getting dressed in her best dress and had done her hair up,she was getting married!!!Then began our drama lesson....
I was her maid and we acted out her wedding for around 1/2 an hour.She is so good at building a character and supporting cast.

Sitting in her carriage on her way to the church

Hair by miss Emily

Kissing the groom...

After the wedding... Milly was holding up her long dress and informed me that it was unseemly in Victorian days for ladies to show their legs( her latest CD is set in Victorian England) and as she lifted her dress to her knees I asked was she not keen on being a lady and she said " I may have the body of a weak and feeble woman but I have the heart and stomach of a king". I was flabbergasted she had remembered the quote from Elizabeth 1st and I am not sure where it came from ,Milly has always had an interest in our kings and queens and we have read about her and I think one of her story Cd's had some info about her but I can't be sure where exactly she got the quote, it just goes to show how much is picked up and remembered.
She has been on top form today and regaled my Mum and Dad with her story's and generally showed off.They then took her to my sisters to look after my Nephew after school.

I had an app with my homeopath , a very productive chat and as always I went in with the physical symptoms and as always came away realising that they are just the symptoms of a much deeper issue, sometimes I can go in with a really strong idea of what I need help with but sometimes like today it takes a lot of work to get to the bottom of what is really the issue.

5 comments:

Colleen Paeff said...: Aw! I love Emily! :) And the quote was most impressive.; 30 January 2008 at 02:30
wolf girl (millie) said...: MUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!; 30 January 2008 at 10:00
Lynn said...: emily was not happy i had used the picture of her kissing the groom.i apologise milly and will remember to check exactly which pictures i can use next time!!!
love you xxx; 30 January 2008 at 10:27
Lynn said...: Hi Colleen,I am obviously biased but so do I !!!!
This type of imrovisation and "acting " in our day serves to remind me why school was so difficult for Emily and how much I love unschooling.In the school setting with time limits and schedules she had no way for all the info she was recieving to be slowly digested. This is her way,this is how how she does it, through play and make believe but using the facts and stories she has heard to mingle in with her own story.It is unlikely she would be able to answer a question about a famous Elizabeth quote and she is not a child that wants or needs to tell "facts" she has learned but they come out in day to day activities or conversations.I am still amazed at how this whole unschooling thing works and know that this is just the beginning as I believe we are still deschooling.xx; 30 January 2008 at 11:48
Michelle said...: I've loved this post. On to the next one . . .; 1 February 2008 at 00:33

This is me.....

There comes a time when you have to stand up and shout: This is me damn it! I look the way I look, think the way I think, feel the way I feel, love the way I love! I am a whole complex package. Take me... or leave me. Accept me - or walk away! Do not try to make me feel like less of a person, just because I don't fit your idea of who I should be and don't try to change me to fit your mold. If I need to change, I alone will make that decision.When you are strong enough to love yourself 100%, good and bad - you will be amazed at the opportunities that life presents you.” Stacey Charter.

Why we Home educate

( Slightly edited from a blog post I did when we started out) In the end the actual decision to take Emily out only took a matter of days but before that it had been around a year and a half of talking about ti and reading books, Free range education by Terri Dowty, Educating your child at home by Jane Lowe and Alan Thomas were two that had a real impact for different reasons. Free range education has lots of examples of real life home educators and I think I can say that it was this one that convinced me the most that we could do it. We are two very average people ,neither of us left school with many qualifications, we went on to do quite well in our chosen professions and had no need to think about the education system at all until Emily came along.

I knew about home education and when Emily was born considered it as an optionbut always felt my lack of education would be a problem and that I wouldn't be capable of providing her with what she would need.Looking back with hindsight it is easy to see how wrong I was!!

School never really suited Emily......After the nursery year at a very highly rated, high achieving school we knew that particular School wasn't for us and took her out. We enrolled her in a lovely village school with only 70 children in the whole school .The ethos of the school was totally different, the children didn't wear uniforms and there was much more emphasis on the children being individuals.The head was a sensitive and principled man who wanted the best for the children. We thought we had struck gold.Over the reception and year 1 Emily gained confidence and really started to bloom. It was at this time she was diagnosed with dyspraxia( we had had to go down the diagnosis route as our observations of Emily's difficulties were not enough to enable the teachers to tailor things so she was helped and given less work in class) but she managed quite well in the more relaxed play orientated early years.Year 2 with more emphasis on academic activities got progressively harder for her. She is very sensitive and it wasn't just the academic side it was the embarassment of having to put her hand up for the toilet,seeing others being told off and worrying in case she did something wrong and got the same treatment, panicking because she couldn't do the work and the teacher never had time to sit with her (alot of this did not come out until she had left school) her behaviour at home became worse and worse she was so angry and obviously stressed . At this time we began to seriously consider taking her out but held back because of my lack of confidence in my ability to provide her with an adequate education ,my health being so poor was also a major stumbling block.

Then in year three it became blatantly obvious that something needed to change .She was struggling on all levels and we couldn't allow the school system to damage our daughter anymore.She became ill with a bug that was doing the rounds and she was off for two weeks , during that time I had a conversation with a friend who home educates her two children and I was so upset I couldn't make a decision and she said just go with whats in your heart and that really helped me to shift my thinking and stop worrying about what I couldn't give her and focus on what I could give her.

We never sent her back.I still get emotional when I think of that time , the look on Emily's face when we told her she would never have to go back to school was priceless,the immense sense of relief that we were off the treadmill of school life and the excitement of the time ahead and to be honest the fear of the unknown......

So here we are four years on and a lot of reading and researching later I feel comfortable with what we are doing . The changes that have happened so far have been helped along the way by the many wonderful blogs out there.They are so varied and there are so many different approaches , I have found ones that I can identify with and have read a lot of archive material that has been written in each and found answers to so many of the questions I have had that they have helped me to sort out what will work best for us .As much as I wish we had done this earlier and saved Emily from the distress that she went through I do believe things happen for a reason and that the time was right for us to take her out and that looking on the bright side one of the benefits is that at least she has had a taste of school and now we all know without a doubt that it is not for us !!!!

It is very liberating to be making decisions based on what works best for us as a family and not what society expects.

Let your child be a child.

No child was ever spoiled by too much love.

Be authentic with your child.

Listen openly to your child’s needs.

Believe in your child’s good intentions.

Find the humour.

Look past the behaviour… what is your child feeling?

Have fun with your child today!

“There is no reason why we cannot say ‘No’ to children in just as kind a way as we say ‘Yes’.” - John Holt

“Play is really the work of childhood.” - Fred Rogers

“The best way to make children good is to make them happy.” - Oscar Wilde

Children thrive in a peaceful and loving environment.

A child needs love most when things go wrong.

Children reflect the treatment they receive.

A few qoutes I like....

Life shouldn't be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in, broadside, thouroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly shouting, 'WOW'.... Beth Moore

The perpetual testing of public school children is like a gardener constantly pulling his plants up by the roots to see if they are growing....(unknown)

Children require guidance and sympathy far more than instuction...Helen Kellers teacher

I hear and I forget I see and I remember I do and I understand...Confusious