"Although I speak from my own experience, I feel that no one has the right to impose his or her beliefs on another person. I will not propose to you that my way is best. The decision is up to you. If you find some point which may be suitable for you, then you can carry out experiments for yourself. If you find that it is off no use, then you can discard it." Dalai Lama...

Tuesday, 8 January 2008

Getting back into the swing of things... and moves in the right direction..

I feel somewhat withdrawn, I know it is due to the never ending PMT, but it has begun to get me down a bit and I am finding it harder to keep motivated.I have had a lot of time in the house over the last week ( just needed to feel cocooned)and tomorrow I will have to venture out to Home ed group so I am hoping that will give me a little boost.

Now that Al is back to work after over two weeks off things will get back to normal and although I don't want too much structure I think I will plan a couple of excursions each month as at least if they are in the diary they are more likely to happen. I am looking into getting a railcard and travelling a little further afield, more likely to be when the weather improves.

I have no other concrete plans as I have found that at present what we have been doing seems to be working very well for Emily.She is a child that appears to be very content with no structure and the ability to do as she pleases.This is very much at odds with my own preference for routine ,but we muddle through and it works.I still have concerns about how little input she requires from me and I am still offering suggestions but it is becoming more and more obvious to me that when she wants to do something she does it with enthusiasm and enjoys it so if an option I suggest is not taken up then I just let it go. I am beginning to wonder if she actually needs my suggestions, should I just let her get on with playing/or doing things her way?I am very interested at the moment in the PC, photography, and learning to do watercolour paintings I know I would not have the same drive to learn about them had they been someone elses suggestion although I may have enjoyed doing them.

If Emily is to become self regulating and really free to follow her interests should I resist the temptation to open up things for her ? I will carry on making suggestions because at present it feels quite scary to have no input at all. Is this because I have much further to go on my deschooling road? Am I not putting as much store on what she is learning from hours of play as opposed to what she would learn doing craft, science, knitting, sewing etc? I would say this is the case....
Having read the three stages of unscholing(link on sidebar)it seems that this is typical of the journey and I don't think it can be rushed I think it will be something I have to be really comfortable with and really feel and not just because I have read about it and it sounds right.

I can see that when Emily has a passion about something it is easy to immerse in that subject and learn from many different areas and we do when this happens for however long the interest lasts . Am I not being creative enough in trying to see a way to assist her to get more learning from Bratz playing!!!! I am being flippant I know the things she learns from this intense play are just as important and I know this time of play seems to be a time to assimilate anything that she has been learning.During these times she also becomes very clingy and needy it is like she takes a back step before she moves on again and this is a pattern she has had since birth.It is her pattern and I have to let it happen and not compare her with others and allow her to make her own journey. I am hoping that in time I will not have to have these conversations with myself and will be so confident that Emily knows what she needs and learn to trust.

On the tidying front, it is early days but I have been surprised with how easy it has been since changing the way I think of jobs,seeing that I have a choice rather than feeling I should do a job and actually thinking about why a job seems important to me is helping to change a pattern. I think I will always be tidier than some but I will also be messier than others and the difference from now is I will be happy with how things are instead of feeling the pressure to have things perfect.I have also on a couple of occasions been about to start the jobs that really did need doing and have stopped to go and play when asked.Small steps but significant to me.


Jules said...

Hi Lynn, I've just been reading your blog and was particularly interested in your puppy problems. It sounds very similar to my springer, who growls and barks at strangers (but admittedly adores other dogs) We have to keep her in her cage when most visitors come to visit as she barks like crazy and they get scared. She does adore my parents though and she struggles to calm herself down when they visit.

I'm looking forward to reading more.

Lynn said...

Hi Jules
Thanks for dropping by.
I have met you and yours through your blog, this is a funny old thing this blog world isn't it?
I am finding the situation with Beauty very difficult to handle as it seems to others as if she is really aggresive and I suppose truth be told it is embarrasing!!
I am not sure how things will pan out but we are trying every trick in the book and hoping that as she is still young she will calm down as she gets more confidence.Nice to meet you xx