A LIFE WORTH LIVING....: Getting back into the swing of things... and moves in the right direction..

Tuesday, 8 January 2008

Getting back into the swing of things... and moves in the right direction..

I feel somewhat withdrawn, I know it is due to the never ending PMT, but it has begun to get me down a bit and I am finding it harder to keep motivated.I have had a lot of time in the house over the last week ( just needed to feel cocooned)and tomorrow I will have to venture out to Home ed group so I am hoping that will give me a little boost.

Now that Al is back to work after over two weeks off things will get back to normal and although I don't want too much structure I think I will plan a couple of excursions each month as at least if they are in the diary they are more likely to happen. I am looking into getting a railcard and travelling a little further afield, more likely to be when the weather improves.

I have no other concrete plans as I have found that at present what we have been doing seems to be working very well for Emily.She is a child that appears to be very content with no structure and the ability to do as she pleases.This is very much at odds with my own preference for routine ,but we muddle through and it works.I still have concerns about how little input she requires from me and I am still offering suggestions but it is becoming more and more obvious to me that when she wants to do something she does it with enthusiasm and enjoys it so if an option I suggest is not taken up then I just let it go. I am beginning to wonder if she actually needs my suggestions, should I just let her get on with playing/or doing things her way?I am very interested at the moment in the PC, photography, and learning to do watercolour paintings I know I would not have the same drive to learn about them had they been someone elses suggestion although I may have enjoyed doing them.

If Emily is to become self regulating and really free to follow her interests should I resist the temptation to open up things for her ? I will carry on making suggestions because at present it feels quite scary to have no input at all. Is this because I have much further to go on my deschooling road? Am I not putting as much store on what she is learning from hours of play as opposed to what she would learn doing craft, science, knitting, sewing etc? I would say this is the case....
Having read the three stages of unscholing(link on sidebar)it seems that this is typical of the journey and I don't think it can be rushed I think it will be something I have to be really comfortable with and really feel and not just because I have read about it and it sounds right.

I can see that when Emily has a passion about something it is easy to immerse in that subject and learn from many different areas and we do when this happens for however long the interest lasts . Am I not being creative enough in trying to see a way to assist her to get more learning from Bratz playing!!!! I am being flippant I know the things she learns from this intense play are just as important and I know this time of play seems to be a time to assimilate anything that she has been learning.During these times she also becomes very clingy and needy it is like she takes a back step before she moves on again and this is a pattern she has had since birth.It is her pattern and I have to let it happen and not compare her with others and allow her to make her own journey. I am hoping that in time I will not have to have these conversations with myself and will be so confident that Emily knows what she needs and learn to trust.

On the tidying front, it is early days but I have been surprised with how easy it has been since changing the way I think of jobs,seeing that I have a choice rather than feeling I should do a job and actually thinking about why a job seems important to me is helping to change a pattern. I think I will always be tidier than some but I will also be messier than others and the difference from now is I will be happy with how things are instead of feeling the pressure to have things perfect.I have also on a couple of occasions been about to start the jobs that really did need doing and have stopped to go and play when asked.Small steps but significant to me.

2 comments:

Classroomfree said...: Hi Lynn, I've just been reading your blog and was particularly interested in your puppy problems. It sounds very similar to my springer, who growls and barks at strangers (but admittedly adores other dogs) We have to keep her in her cage when most visitors come to visit as she barks like crazy and they get scared. She does adore my parents though and she struggles to calm herself down when they visit.

I'm looking forward to reading more.; 11 January 2008 at 18:55
Lynn said...: Hi Jules
Thanks for dropping by.
I have met you and yours through your blog, this is a funny old thing this blog world isn't it?
I am finding the situation with Beauty very difficult to handle as it seems to others as if she is really aggresive and I suppose truth be told it is embarrasing!!
I am not sure how things will pan out but we are trying every trick in the book and hoping that as she is still young she will calm down as she gets more confidence.Nice to meet you xx; 11 January 2008 at 20:39

This is me.....

There comes a time when you have to stand up and shout: This is me damn it! I look the way I look, think the way I think, feel the way I feel, love the way I love! I am a whole complex package. Take me... or leave me. Accept me - or walk away! Do not try to make me feel like less of a person, just because I don't fit your idea of who I should be and don't try to change me to fit your mold. If I need to change, I alone will make that decision.When you are strong enough to love yourself 100%, good and bad - you will be amazed at the opportunities that life presents you.” Stacey Charter.

Why we Home educate

( Slightly edited from a blog post I did when we started out) In the end the actual decision to take Emily out only took a matter of days but before that it had been around a year and a half of talking about ti and reading books, Free range education by Terri Dowty, Educating your child at home by Jane Lowe and Alan Thomas were two that had a real impact for different reasons. Free range education has lots of examples of real life home educators and I think I can say that it was this one that convinced me the most that we could do it. We are two very average people ,neither of us left school with many qualifications, we went on to do quite well in our chosen professions and had no need to think about the education system at all until Emily came along.

I knew about home education and when Emily was born considered it as an optionbut always felt my lack of education would be a problem and that I wouldn't be capable of providing her with what she would need.Looking back with hindsight it is easy to see how wrong I was!!

School never really suited Emily......After the nursery year at a very highly rated, high achieving school we knew that particular School wasn't for us and took her out. We enrolled her in a lovely village school with only 70 children in the whole school .The ethos of the school was totally different, the children didn't wear uniforms and there was much more emphasis on the children being individuals.The head was a sensitive and principled man who wanted the best for the children. We thought we had struck gold.Over the reception and year 1 Emily gained confidence and really started to bloom. It was at this time she was diagnosed with dyspraxia( we had had to go down the diagnosis route as our observations of Emily's difficulties were not enough to enable the teachers to tailor things so she was helped and given less work in class) but she managed quite well in the more relaxed play orientated early years.Year 2 with more emphasis on academic activities got progressively harder for her. She is very sensitive and it wasn't just the academic side it was the embarassment of having to put her hand up for the toilet,seeing others being told off and worrying in case she did something wrong and got the same treatment, panicking because she couldn't do the work and the teacher never had time to sit with her (alot of this did not come out until she had left school) her behaviour at home became worse and worse she was so angry and obviously stressed . At this time we began to seriously consider taking her out but held back because of my lack of confidence in my ability to provide her with an adequate education ,my health being so poor was also a major stumbling block.

Then in year three it became blatantly obvious that something needed to change .She was struggling on all levels and we couldn't allow the school system to damage our daughter anymore.She became ill with a bug that was doing the rounds and she was off for two weeks , during that time I had a conversation with a friend who home educates her two children and I was so upset I couldn't make a decision and she said just go with whats in your heart and that really helped me to shift my thinking and stop worrying about what I couldn't give her and focus on what I could give her.

We never sent her back.I still get emotional when I think of that time , the look on Emily's face when we told her she would never have to go back to school was priceless,the immense sense of relief that we were off the treadmill of school life and the excitement of the time ahead and to be honest the fear of the unknown......

So here we are four years on and a lot of reading and researching later I feel comfortable with what we are doing . The changes that have happened so far have been helped along the way by the many wonderful blogs out there.They are so varied and there are so many different approaches , I have found ones that I can identify with and have read a lot of archive material that has been written in each and found answers to so many of the questions I have had that they have helped me to sort out what will work best for us .As much as I wish we had done this earlier and saved Emily from the distress that she went through I do believe things happen for a reason and that the time was right for us to take her out and that looking on the bright side one of the benefits is that at least she has had a taste of school and now we all know without a doubt that it is not for us !!!!

It is very liberating to be making decisions based on what works best for us as a family and not what society expects.

Let your child be a child.

No child was ever spoiled by too much love.

Be authentic with your child.

Listen openly to your child’s needs.

Believe in your child’s good intentions.

Find the humour.

Look past the behaviour… what is your child feeling?

Have fun with your child today!

“There is no reason why we cannot say ‘No’ to children in just as kind a way as we say ‘Yes’.” - John Holt

“Play is really the work of childhood.” - Fred Rogers

“The best way to make children good is to make them happy.” - Oscar Wilde

Children thrive in a peaceful and loving environment.

A child needs love most when things go wrong.

Children reflect the treatment they receive.

A few qoutes I like....

Life shouldn't be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in, broadside, thouroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly shouting, 'WOW'.... Beth Moore

The perpetual testing of public school children is like a gardener constantly pulling his plants up by the roots to see if they are growing....(unknown)

Children require guidance and sympathy far more than instuction...Helen Kellers teacher

I hear and I forget I see and I remember I do and I understand...Confusious