"Although I speak from my own experience, I feel that no one has the right to impose his or her beliefs on another person. I will not propose to you that my way is best. The decision is up to you. If you find some point which may be suitable for you, then you can carry out experiments for yourself. If you find that it is off no use, then you can discard it." Dalai Lama...

Monday, 21 January 2008

A house to myself and time to think....

I have the house to myself, no dog, no daughter, and no husband!!!
I have to admit to having a ball,I keep thinking I should feel guilty and be missing them more but to be honest it is such a rare occurrence to have more than a couple of hours on my own that I am making the most of it.Beauty has gone to the vets to be spayed and Alan and Emily are spending the day visiting relatives.
I visited wistful wanderlust this morning and was introduced to 10 other blogs so managed to check them out as well as visiting the other blogs I read regularly.I did then feel a little guilty that the morning had nearly gone and I hadn't done anything else so I got up and as the bath ran quickly tidied Milly's room and made our bed ,then relaxed in a hot bath.
Down to run round the downstairs with the hoover and onto lunch( nice and easy no cooking involved a leftover rice dish warmed up in the micro)whilst watching the last part of Loose women on TV.

I have got into the habit of coming down on a morning and reading e mails and blogs with the intention not to go back until the next morning but I can't,I think I have blog addiction!!! I know I am still looking for stories to give me confidence along the autonomous road and to see that people are going through or have been through exactly the things we are going through.I also have to admit to being incredibly interested in other peoples lives, does that make me nosy???? The problem is that I feel it is starting to take over and must make a conscious effort to limit myself.

I do feel more confident about moving to full autonomy in Emily's life.
Once my mind is made up I am the type of person who wants things to happen quickly,but this is a major change in lifestyle and is not going to happen overnight, I have to gain confidence and I have not yet got all the tools to keep it going and need regular top ups and tips to keep the wheels on.

On the actual educational side I have not got as many issues with letting Emily choose and can now see with lots to interest her and options to do new things she will learn, she couldn't fail to.I have accepted Emily's interests and the way she does things is not the same as others and have come to understand the way she works.We are allowing her more choice in setting bedtimes and although she has always had a lot of freedom to coose we have given even more freedom to choose what she eats, now that we are not guided by school times we have also found that there are less rules about when we eat, where we eat has never been a problem,I never had great expectations to eat every meal at the table and we often had picnics under the table amonhst other places when she was small and although going the whole way to radical unschooling is the way we are heading it is still a way off happening. This has all taken time to sink in and is still a work in progress but perusing many a blog to find evidence of it working in others lives has been invaluable.

I think the next lesson I have to get is much more to do with the parenting side and not using coercion as a means to control her behaviour, this I am having difficulty with.When I am having a good day it is much easier to hear her and understand what is causing her behaviour and find a way to deal with it, other days I immediately fall back on coercion and then feel bad about my inconsistency.
We have always been gentle with her and have never smacked her.With the knowledge we had then, we used disrtraction when she was younger and as she got older and that no longer worked as well we used coercion and gave her choices rather than resorting to smacking.This seemed to work and we can only do the best we can with the information/tools we have at the time.Having found joyfuly Rejoycing and Sandra Dodd We now have new information , I wish I had had this information earlier but it seems that for us this is a better way to move forward as Emily grows.

So thinking about it logicaly it is not a waste of time reading the material I do as the info I get is changing our lives so reading the blogs will continue because they have helped enormously and I am sure still have lots to offer to enable more change to happen, but perhaps now that my confidence is growing I don't need to read quite as many quite as often!!!


Colleen said...

Isn't it great to have the house to yourself!? I love it! When Jerry was about two Warren started taking him away for a three day weekend once every year. I tell you, I looked forward to that weekend all year long! Now that he's bigger I find I don't need it the way I did when he was little but I still love the luxury of an entire day alone. Especially when I can do whatever I want without feeling guilty. I'd say your day of blog reading was well-deserved! I'm looking forward to checking out all those blogs myself. :)

Lynn said...

The day went so quickly and before I knew it they were home and the house was full of joyfull energy!!!Oh and a rather sore and whimpering doggy...
The idea of having time away together is something Alan and Emily have done once or twice but I think the idea of a regular trip each year is a lovely tradition to have, with lots of special memories.I have always loved time to myself and think it is something I am neglecting, after enjoying yesterday so much I will endeavour to make it happen again.XXXX

piscesgrrl said...

I get lost in blog-land too, but it acts in lieu of support groups (hard to find out here in the cornfields!) so I try not to feel guilty about it. :)

It's great to read about your unschooling evolution. I learn so much by reading others' stories.

Lynn said...

Good point,I hadn't really thought of it in that way.
It's great to think that even seasoned unschoolers are still learning.I like the idea of lifelong learning and personal growth alongside our children.xxxx