Milly's birthday week,including a marathon story telling day!

Milly decided against having a party this year,choosing to put the money we would have spent on a party towards decorating her room. We have a family get together at my Mums on Valentines day and a special day planned for her actual Birthday on the 16th.
Her friends are both away for her birthday and were unable to come for a sleepover together so she has had two!

Her teenage friend Emily(nickname Tom to ease confusion!) came on Wednesday.During home ed group they went off into town and Tom bought them some stickers and cola and sweets.They had been planning it on MSN and Milly had bought a couple of notebooks that they were going to decorate.They did that and had a makeup and hair session as well as watching a film.Tom made it a nice evening for her and they both slept in the new room.

We took Tom home at lunchtime and then came back walked Beauty and I expected Emily to collapse but she walked Beauty again with Al when he got home.

Emily and I were due to go to the cinema on Friday to see the new Hayao Miyazaki film Ponyo .For some reason our local Cinema was not screening it so we decided to have the day at home and as it turned out it I needed the rest.See previous post!

Milly and best friend A had a sleepover ,well I say sleep,not too much of that was had! It was after 2.30 when they got to sleep and Emily set her phone alarm for 8.30 so they could have time together before they left at 11 to go swimming with Al.
They swam for an hour and a half and then after lunch walked round Keswick.

In the car Milly carried on a story she had been telling A the night before.It was a ghost story but if A got scared when she was telling it in the night she added funny bits in to lighten it for her.A (who is a bookworm of the first order!) was mesmerised by the story and in stitches at the funny parts.

During the journey A(who goes to school) asked Emily "how do you know all those big words?"
Emily said "well I read a bit and Mum and Dad read to me and I listen to story tapes a lot ,so I guess that's how!"
Later on in the story A asked Emily what inconsolable meant and Alan said that Emily gave her a very good explanation very quickly.

Storytelling is what Emily does.She thinks in chapters and when she is appearing to do "nothing" bathing for ages or out on her hammock,she will come in and tell us she reached chapter 12 in the new story she was creating.
She tells her story without hesitation, never having to stop and think about it.The stories often "wander" and loose direction. Slowly, over time, they are getting better and better in both content and structure,and even some punctuation thrown in when she does write them down:-)

For the latest story idea,as with so many in the past she has a notebook with all the characters details and book titles (this latest story is part a series of books) and chapter titles in.Every time she starts one it is with excitement and enthusiasm.
She sometimes starts to write a story out or type it on the laptop but most of the time it is all verbal and not recorded in any way.

Although I don't think she is overly bothered about them being recorded I do occasionally offer to type for her,she always says no. She is not using her dictation machine as much either. If she did want a written record of it, I think her ideal would be for her to be able to do it herself.I am going to look into voice recognition software. The little info I have gathered about it wasn't too positive. I will do more research.I wouldn't want to get it and for her to get all excited and then be let down ,as this might knock her back.

I often think about how different things would have been for her at school and was comparing what she does in such a free and easy way to what she would have to do in lessons.She would have "had" to write down a story,to have an end product that could be marked .Added to the difficulty she would have found in writing it down it would also be on a topic she may not have had any interest in (Milly is passionate about her stories and characters.)
Any joy would have been eaten away by having to use punctuation or cursive writing .The whole process would have sucked her dry.I have no doubt in my mind that her appetite for storytelling would have died.

I was thinking back to when I used to help out with craft activities at play groups and then at Milly's school. All the bits of the flower ( or whatever the teacher had decided the children would do ) were pre cut.There was a finished article for the children to see how it should look.The children were encouraged to do it in a certain way, using certain colours,they were " helped" to make theirs look like the model and the end products from 30 individuals varied little.
It was the same for any written topic as well,subject matter chosen by someone else, with certain facts that had to be included.The same end product with little variation.

If Emily continues with her love of stories (would be strange if she didn't, as her whole life so far has been about them) I know she will continue to master the structure and grammar and all those other things because she will want to.At the moment we have many notebooks with a bit of a story in or a character list or drawings of characters in.There are a couple of finished articles but at the moment they are not what is important to Emily,it is the process she loves.

I am not worried, I have no fear that she is wasting her time and will never write anything down.I have the evidence of her growth over the past three years.She has moved on herself,with no lessons,no set work,no spelling tests.She tells stories,writes poetry,talks about how a scene from "her book" would look as a film,what music might be used for a particular scene.We read,we talk,we watch TV,we listen to story tapes,we live life,get out and about and follow things that interest us,we have fun.

We don't have "work" to show for all this,there are no neatly packaged end products.We do however have a daughter who is an avid storyteller,who is happy and whole and in her element being able to follow her hearts desire whenever the mood takes her.I know which one I would rather have:-)

 Added by Emily who read the end of this while I was making us a cuppa:-)
(i am now writing shadow dancer by milly bamber) (copywrite)

Happy birthday my darling.You bring light to my life and joy to my heart.

No better way to start the day!

I woke at 8.30 this morning and fell back to sleep very quickly.I dozed on and off until I woke with a start at 10.45! We have had a couple of busy days with a late sleepover and I obviously needed to catch up!

I lay for a while and thought Emily must be having a long lie too as I couldn't hear anything.As I went out of the bedroom I saw that Emily's door was open, I heard the kettle boiling downstairs and the sound of pots clattering and thought for a moment Alan must be home for some reason.

As I went down the stairs I heard the TV on but when I popped my head round the door to say good morning, the room was empty.I walked into the kitchen and there was Milly setting a tray! She scowled jokingly when she saw me ,saying I had spoilt her surprise and shooed me back up to bed!

She had made me weight watchers toast and butter and tea with this card on the tray:-)

What a great way to start the day.

Todays bargains:-)

 More goodies from Impact housing:-)

Popped in today to see if they had any bedside tables and found these two needing a little loving attention.Not too sure what colour to do them,Emily says it should be the duck egg blue I have all the accessories in our room but I am leaning towards white, so they will not need to be changed if the colour scheme changes.

We have also been looking for rugs for Emily's room and she has fallen in love with a few soft furry rugs but they have been too expensive.A perfect furry (synthetic ) rug was found today.

Al has managed to break a couple of dinner plates over the last few months and finding 6 of these will do nicely to replace them with a few left over for any future breakages:-)

£13.00 for all the above!

A glimpse into the future....

Emily has slept in her own room since we finished decorating it.

I am so pleased for her,she is happy and in love with her new room and it is "time" for her.

After 3 years,I also have a twinge of sadness that she is no longer in her bed next to me .I can no longer stroke her hand during the night and feel her close to me.I miss waking and watching her sleep.I loved when she woke me gently by stroking my arm or face.I felt so connected to her.
I am so glad we (eventually) listened to our hearts and not other opinions and brought her bed into our room when she needed us. Prior to this we had spent the years playing musical beds:-) Most nights we would read and sing to her in her room and she wanted us to stay with her holding her hand till she fell asleep.This could take hours.

At other times,when Emily needed us close we would have her in our bed and one of us would go in her room.

I do miss her being in with us,there is no doubt about that and it will take a while to adjust.I don't feel too sad though.It is "time " for me as well.We were there when she needed us close and now she is spreading her wings. I know I will find other ways to maintain that connection to her.

On the plus side :-)

I get to have a bedside table again,I can go to bed with a cuppa and have a place to put it next to the bed:-)

I can have a light on it, so I can read and will no longer have to don the head torch :-)

I can get up during the night to go to the loo without having to do the wriggly dance down to the bottom of the bed:-)

I can get in my wardrobe without the hindrance of a mountain of soft toys stored at the bottom of the

bed:-)

I will no longer be woken by an arm flung across and hitting me in the head!!

She is spending a lot of time in her room during the day,I am welcome in, obviously, but she is wanting time on her own, in her own space.Emily is 11 on Tuesday.The last week has given me the opportunity to envisage what it might be like when she is a teenager and beyond.It has made me aware of how fleeting our time with her is.

It has made me determined to spend and enjoy as much time as possible with her,when she wants me.Instead of getting distracted and thinking of all the other things I could be doing,I will savour each moment of playing at being a vampire and listening to her many stories.Instead of getting on with household jobs while she watches TV,I will make the time to sit and snuggle with her more.I will take any opportunity to "be" with her.

 This time is precious, our relationship is changing.

I have had a glimpse into the future.What we do now is so important for our future relationship in so many ways. I am so grateful to have had this reminder,I don't want to look back when she is older and wish I had spent more time with her.

May cat, a poem by Milly

Dog paws dance on floor
May cat sees them all
May cat sits in the window
and sits and sits and stares
May cat walks along the pathway
and dog paw prints lead the way to heaven
dog prints walk along the path
as humans kiss and shout
May cat walks behind October dog
as his prints run ahead
leading him far away
where people are not there
May cat runs ahead of october dog
and leads him past hell
she will not take him there because October dog was good
May cat never tires of her long and trusty job 
May cat is an angel cat
and so
there is the end.

Emilyism!

Setting off for a walk with Beauty.
Me "Shall we go on our usual route?"
Emily " Yes indeed,short but gratifying"
:-)) :-))

Moving on in her own time...

An at home day today after a couple of busy days.Monday was at home but there was a lot to do to finalise things in Emily's room and I had paperwork and household things to clear.I also made a pork and apple curry for Tuesdays tea.

Tuesday we made a visit to my Mum and Dads for lunch and then into Carlisle with Mum so that Emily could buy two toys from the Disney store.I had a few jobs to do and then met them at my sisters shop.My sister and her husband had gone for a late lunch so we never got to see them:-(

As the visit to Carlisle had been a spur of the moment thing I forgot to tell them we would be popping in.

Mum had driven us in so it limited the amount of driving I had to do.After shopping we stopped off briefly to show grandad the new additions to the soft toy family:-)

We set off to go to Workington to get some things and decided to have an early tea at Morrisons.It was well after five before we got home.The bed had been delivered before we set off.It had been due to be delivered on Monday and we waited in for it.We had a call to say the van had broken down and the next available delivery day was Wed.We were not happy because it was our Home ed group day but didn't want to wait til next week.We were putting our shoes on to go to my Mums on Tues when the phone rang. It was the delivery driver saying he would be with us within the hour! I was not at all impressed but it seemed worth waiting and getting to my mums later.I rang the shop to find out what was going on,but had to leave a message.

We got back from my mums to a message from the dlievery firm to say our bed was due to be delivered on the Wed between 12 and 6!! Seems the left hand didn't know what the right hand was doing!!

 Alan and Emily started to put it up while I made Als tea.

On the Sunday after we had got Emily's room sorted we laid two mattresses on the floor as she wanted to feel what it would be like to have a double bed:-)

We were surprised when she said she would try sleeping there,didn't say anything obviously.That night she decided to go up to bed around 10.She never asked for anyone to go with her.She went to listen to Breaking Dawn on her MP3 and was snoring when I went in the bath at 11.30 :-)

She was soooo proud of herself the next morning.The second night she was a little more apprehensive ,but we talked about the options she had if she was unsettled and off she went all by herself again!

This is a girl who never went to bed by herself.She liked one of us to go with her.She was scared on her own.

The idea to decorate her room was hers.In all the discussions about her having a double bed she was talking about moving out of our room.We listened and shared her excitement but never made a big thing out of it.All the plans about decorations and colours were hers.She really owns this room.On the Sunday when she saw it all put together she was nearly crying with joy.

She was ready to move out,she was in control and the transition was painless.

The excitement levels were high putting the bed up yesterday!! She has hardly got out of the bed or her room since :-))

Here she is playing her DS,listening to a story CD tonight,having spent most of the day in her room!

She came through to me this morning(we had decided not to go to home ed group as she wanted to spend time in her room) and got into bed with me and after a cuddle asked me if I wanted to try her bed out:-) I did and then it seemed I began to get too comfy:-) She asked me to leave, as she wanted to listen to her Mp3 for a while!

We played in her room for a while after breakfast and then I got round to spraying some old picture frames black and sourcing some pictures online to go in them.Blue moon,Manga girl and Spirited away image.They have turned out quite well.

These two are waiting to go up tomorrow.I added some purple tissue paper hearts to these frames and sealed them with PVA glue.

.

We had lunch and then walked Beauty whilst playing a game involving us both being Vampires.We had a good hour out. Back home and I went in a bath and read my book for a while before getting out and putting a play list Emily had made onto her MP3.While I was doing that snow began falling and Emily decided to go out in her dressing gown.

The first I knew was when she threw a snowball at the window!

 

She had a swing and a bounce before coming in again.

Pottering until Al came home then tea and helping Alan to wire up all her lights and CD player.Her room only has two sockets near her bed and therefore requires extensions on most of the lights etc.They had music on loud and got the job done by 7.30,just in time for a tickle fight :-)

The purple palace!

A busy day today.Emily has had a full play day with her best friend.They had a great time last night.They began making dresses for a doll that Emily had bought yesterday.Hours later they were still making and photographing their creations ,coming through to share each creation with us.They have a box full of hand made couture outfits:-)

 After pancakes here they left around 11 this morning to go to A's house.We saw them on and off during the day,they popped back in with A's younger brother who had requested a visit to see our house:-) They have been to the park with him and Emily's arms are aching because they played 123 swing with him all the way to and from the park:-)

Alan and I have managed to get the house straight!!

Here are some pics of our efforts.

Through the door into the Purple Palace!

The £20 bargain dressing table....

Bookcase and toy storage,a work in progress.More books to be chosen from downstairs and picture frames to be sprayed black and art to be made for them.

Trinkets bought by good friends displayed on the dressing table.Jewellry all untangled and hung awaiting an outing.

Precious dolls and teddies displayed for play.Petz and Rodney are pottery bears that were bought by a very close friend for Emily's first birthday.They have been kept safe on a high shelf til now.Here they are fulfilling their purpose as book ends.

The star christmas decoration she bought and an angel in a globe to look down on her.An angel in a glass bauble makes two.

A makeshift double bed with a very happy Emily.

Still finishing touches to do.An electrician is needed to put this up.

 

The bed to go up on Tuesday,

and underbed storage for soft toys to be purchased.

It has been a great deal of hard work but so worth it.From start to finish Emily has been in charge of design and has been involved in all purchases with the budget in mind.She knew how she wanted things to look and has managed to move it from her imagination to reality.She has real flair for design :-)

Tired and agitated...

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Thoughts on this Blog

When I began this blog I fell in love with writing.I loved the way it enabled me to work through stuff.The connections it enabled  me to make with like minded folk.I "needed" to record our days,it was compulsive.

Over the last few months I have fallen out of love a little.

I often get frustrated because I can't find the right words to convey things in the way I would like. I don't know if people are able to read what I write in the way I intended it.I look at the other blogs out there that are writing such inspirational posts.Some of the posts about the Badman situation have been amazing.I suppose I have been feeling a little inadequate:-/

I toyed with the idea of quitting or having a break.I felt like I had lost my way. This was never intended as an"educational" record.It was set up because I got so much from reading other blogs and finding those that I could identify with.Others who were autonomous,or those that had an only child,with the anxieties that can cause.Those who were trying new parenting methods.Those who made me laugh.Those who provided me with inspiration.

I thought that there might be someone out there who could relate to us and our journey.


The more I thought it through, the more I realised I wanted to keep on going.My reasons for doing it now are more personal I think.

I have felt recently that there are only so many posts you can do about the day to day things we do because we aren't out and about visiting places.We haven't curriculum type things to share.Millys days are relaxed and not always full of things to blog about!

I have spent some time over the last few weeks just reading back through old posts I have done.I "see" Emily in this blog.I see the growth she has made since she came out of school.I see her passions the things that are important to her.I see how our journey into unschooling and a more peaceful and respectful parenting has brought us to this place.

I have found by recording our days on here it has allowed me to see Emily's strengths/passions in a much clearer light.It is too easy for me to focus on the TV watching or computer use as wasting time,missing the "education" that comes from all sources.It is easy to dismiss the creative process or assimilation of facts that happens when swinging in your hammock, staring dreamily at the sky :-)

No one knows Emily as well as we do.Not just because we spend so much time with her,but because we listen to her,we talk to her.We value her opinion.She has a voice in the way things are done..She is a fully paid up member of this family.She is not waiting to grow up,to become a person.She is a child, but she is a person .She is growing, with our guidance.She does not have to be a grown up before she can make grown up decisions.We trust her to make the right decisions for her.She is "learning" by living a life that involves real challenges and real outcomes.

There is so much about the learning process that is hidden,we can't measure with tests,but being with our children so much of the time, we can see with our eyes and hear with our ears.

This blog is my hearing aid and maginfying glass when I need it ;-)

I am exactly where I need to be......

I have been feeling really well for the last few days :-) I have been energetic,confident,happy,loving.

I have been thankful for so many things.I have felt so incredibly sure that I am on the right path in my life.

I wish I could bottle this feeling :-)

I find myself singing to the radio and dancing around the kitchen.Problems are not getting me down, I see they are just challenges that need a solution,it is not the end of the world.I am in a really positive place.

I wanted to record this as a reminder on the days when things are not as joyous!

I am not in this space every day.Life is not without it's difficulties at the moment.M.E. still causes limitations for me and I am having so many hot sweats during the night that I am not getting anywhere enough sleep:-/ Some days I feel it is an impossible task to get out of bed.thinking about going out of the door,seeing anybody, seems like too much hard work.I am being much kinder on myself and accepting those days and doing what I need to do (so long as Emily is happy to be at home otherwise I will make the effort) I no longer allow myself to think it will be forever,it will pass.

Somehow I am managing to stay positive! I have had a couple of healing sessions with Rezwana and after the last one I came home on cloud nine.I know something has shifted.

I accept each day as it comes.I realise, even though it may be hard sometimes, that growth comes from difficult times.I know that this euphoric feeling of joy may pass for a time but I now have a strong belief that it will return!

Emily just came down and out of the blue ( not knowing what I was writing about said "If you ever need another word for joy use Bliss"(she is listening to Breaking Dawn and had heard it on there) That is what I am feeling at the moment,

BLISS, long may it last :-))

I heard this song quite a while ago and enjoyed listening to it.I was having a conversation with my lovely friend Maria and it came up again today. I found it tonight and read the lyrics and it all just fits :-)

Exactly

by Amy Steinberg
i am exactly where i need to be
i need to be exactly where i am
i am a blessing manifest
i can undress the moment
naked time unwinds beneath my mind
and from within i find the kind of beauty
only i can find
i am exactly where i need to be
i need to be exactly where i am
i am surrendering so willingly
to be the perfect me inside this now
and truly how else could it be
destiny she blesses me
destiny she blesses me
when i try to fight or run
i only wind up back at square one
when i think i know what’s best for me
fate she takes me back
to exactly where i need to be
i am exactly where i need to be
i need to be exactly where i am
i am divinely timed and shining brightly
yes i believe that there’s a purpose just for me
yes i believe that we are light
and we shine infinitely
i am exactly where i need to be
i need to be exactly where i am
i am not aimlessly existing see
i am in perfect harmony with universal energy
and i am truly free when i accept my own divinity
look at me look at me closely
tell me exactly what you see
if you are paying attention you will now begin ascension of the mind
why, because if you look at me just right you will see a kiss
for it took a kiss to make this breath exist
the intersection of my mother’s and father’s lips
to touch twist and perfect what came next to produce me
look at me and you will see the breeze
the breeze it took to shake the leaves to make
my mother’s hair move, my father dare touch it and say
please may i have a kiss
yes the breeze made me exist
and if you want to get even deeper into this
when you look at me you will see a cloud
the cloud it took to form the storm to make the breeze shake the leaves to
inspire the liplock – yes a raindrop will pop up out these words
you heard me right
if you look at me close enough you will see a dark stormy night
and what is night
well night ain’t night without it’s polar opposite of sunlight
so if you watch the way my hands sway
you’ll see the light of day
and everyday is a testament to the sediment of the earth’s core
it’s ever spinning enormous force so if you look at me just right
you will see a spark of the source
but the most fascinating thing about this, and it’s true
is that if you look at me just right, you see you
it’s only what you perceive how you believe the space between
you and me
that creates reality
so when i sing you can feel it
when i cry you can heal it
when i speak words you can be the words i speak by singing with me
peace love free, peace love free
peace love free, peace love free
peace love free, peace love free
peace love free, peace love free
when i try to fight or run
i only wind up back at square one
when i think i know what’s best for me
fate she takes me back
to exactly where i need to be
and when i am alone and full of fear
i just remember the rising sun always appears
everyday miracles, miracles that i see
well they take me back
they take me back
they take me back
to exactly where i need to be

Emily Humour :-)

I went upsatirs to see if Emily was awake and found her listening to Eclipse on her MP3.

"I have just been thinking how lucky I am to have you in my life"I said .

"Have you had a knock on the head then" she replied with a chuckle.

Making a wish come true and painting,recycling and more painting!

Some time ago Emily spent quite a lot of time cutting out images of furniture from a catalogue and sticking them into a scrapbook she was making.Later that day she asked if we could paint her room.My initial reaction was to say no.It seemed no time at all since we had papered and decorated her room and it was still in good shape. I have checked since I started writing this and it was 2003,how time flies! I  listened to her explaining about wanting a double bed and could tell  it was so important to her.The decorating we had done was quite girly and she was wanting a much more grown up room.
I didn't say no.
 I explained we didn't have the money right then, but we could set things in motion and work out ways to save.

We measured and drew up a plan of her room.We looked through a catalogue and she chose the things she would like in her room.We took the measurements and made cardboard cutouts to scale and stuck them on the "room" in the position she wanted them.Milly was with me throughout this process and helped with measuring and looking up the measurements for the furniture in the catalogue,and cutting out the shapes.She had got a little fed up and wandered off to play when it took me ages to work out how to do a scale drawing (never had to do one since school and have, of course, forgotten all that info) of the room dimensions! I wanted it to be big enough for her to get a sense of how it would look.I had trouble finding just the right scale to do that, without  it being too complicated . I faffed around and got there eventually!

 We added up how much it would be and wrote out the budget.
Then came the biggy,where would the money come from? We brainstormed and wrote all the likely money making and money saving ideas down.Items that could be sold were also recorded .We had a discrepancy between the two figures of about 50% .We hung it in a prominent position in the kitchen and set about saving the money. Milly was really keen to have it done for her birthday and chose not to have the usual party so the money could go to the bedroom fund.It was a tall order as the final cost figure was quite high. As we had worked it all out together she could see it in black and white on our plan .I always like to have a positive attitude about these things though and believe a way will be found,however as this was really important for her to have it done for her birthday I did talk to her about what we could do if we were not able to finish it all off as she wanted .
Now we had a plan and a date to work to.

We began saving and then after Christmas (with a decent amount saved but no where near enough to complete her room ) Milly was watching TV one day and fell in love with the style of the bedroom of one of the characters in the programme.She found the scene on BBCi showing the room and printed it out for me to see.The furniture was an eclectic mix(very Emily!) of very old fashioned painted pieces and I suggested that a good way to do that would be to go to Impact and buy used furniture to recycle and paint.

So that's what we have done and over the last few weeks we have visited Impact housing and sourced a dressing table for £20, a bedside table for £5, a cabinet for £15 and a bookcase for £25.

 The dining room table is a painting production line!!

The dark purple gloss Emily chose is looking much better than I anticipated :-)

I will post pictures of the finished articles.

We have found bedding and curtains,bedside lamp and a curtain pole in a style she likes but within the budget.Milly fell in love with a black chandelier in B&Q that cost £100.We scoured the Internet and found one in Wilkinsons for £35, a large chunk of our budget. After discussion Milly decided to forgo some of the other things she had on her list as she really wanted the chandelier.

 A major stumbling block is that we need to sell Emily's cabin bed so we can put up a double bed.The double bed is the most important thing for her! The sale of her bed was in the plan to partly fund the purchase of her new one.

On Friday we bought the bookcase from Impact and then went off to Bensons beds to get an idea of prices.There was a special offer on one and she loved the black metal frame,So perfect for her purple Gothic fairy palace.
We talked about the problem of her old bed and how it could be weeks before it sells and how we could put ads in the paper as well as all the other areas we had thought of (we have already discussed the possibility that she would have the room all furnished and decorated by her birthday sleepover with Emily,but might have to use her old bed ).I said we couldn't afford to buy the bed as we just didn't have that amount in savings,and I won't put anything on the credit card unless I have the funds to pay it off,I explained the reasons for this and had a chat about interest payments and debt.

After brainstorming other possibilities we asked  if the costs could be spread interest free over the year as we had done with our bed (she had said she would use her pocket money each month). We were told this couldn't be done for the amount we were spending. She then remembered her bank account.This is an account we set up for her to save birthday money or Xmas money (there is rarely much put in now as she tends to spend it :-0) and we put in £5 a month (outside the pocket money she receives) as savings.There was more than enough in to cover the cost of the bed and the plan  is to put all the money earned over the next few months from bed sale, toy sales and car boot sales back in to her account to cover the cost.

I ordered it today and it will be delivered Monday the first.It does come flat packed so it will store in the spare room until her bed goes.We can't dismantle her bed (which is the only way to move it from her room) so that anyone interested in buying it can see it up.

Alan and Emily have been painting the walls.

The initial thought Emily had was a red and black theme but out of the blue she changed it to Purple and black.I have suggested silver as an accent to brighten things up a little and she agreed. We have to spray some of her picture frames silver and do some art to go in them for her walls.There is a chrome bedside lamp and Cd player and I will get some cushions or make them if I can't find them cheap enough.
An Idea she had for a mural of the moon and a howling wolf on the wall next to her bed has since been
discarded,I am not too sure why she changed her mind on that one.

So this week will be more of the same as we continue painting walls and furniture.We hope to have it all finished and back together by next weekend.

 I like living with a "can do" mindset.In my experience ( over the last 2 or 3 years ) it is amazing how things slot into place when you have a positive attitude.I've found that being open to making a thing happen enables creative thinking for solutions and that compromise happens easily because of the genuine attempt to make something happen.

Emily would like a piano,we simply can't afford one but we are checking freecycle and putting the word out that we are keen to get one.I missed one on freecycle the other day but I have a great belief that there is one out there for us somewhere.It might require another brainstorming session to think up more ideas to make it happen :-)

Life lessons from a computer game?

 This morning,after a little TV and some imaginary games with her soft toys, Emily sat down for another go on poptropica.I sat with her for a while and watched her play.I showed her the tips and cheats page I had found and then went off to do some jobs.I kept coming back and sitting with her and would help her to read the tips when asked but generally just watched her/brought her food/water etc.She had been on a couple of hours when Al came back from shopping .She was getting a little frustrated as she was stuck in one section.He cleaned the mouse as it seemed to be sticking and the played for her to get past the stage she had got stuck.She happily went on again while he went off to paint some bargain basement dining chairs I had got months ago.

I finished what I was doing and sat with her.By now she was tired and getting frustrated.I talked to her and suggested a break for a while.She refused! She was getting very angry that she couldn't get to where she wanted to and needed to express it. My first instinct was to insist she came off it,I let that thought float through but ignored it and decided to help her get through it.

I began rubbing her back and she said to keep doing it because it helped to calm her.She was talking to herself all the time,one minute it was"I can't do this" " I am rubbish at this" and she was crying, then she would say " I can do this", " its only a game" "take deep breaths and focus" on and on the self talk went. Every time she fell back down she just got right back up again,there were lots of screams and at more than one point, tears,but she kept at it.

She moved quickly from screams and despair, through to a calmer response and then back again.She was adamant she didn't want to give up though and persisted.She kept going until she needed the loo and the break away was enough to come back to it with a little frustration released. She got to where she needed to be in the game soon after and moved on to another game.

At that point,when she was more open to suggestions,we talked about frustrations building and how beneficial saving the game and walking away could be.I also brought in her punch ball and gloves for her to use:-)

I left to walk Beauty and when I got back an hour later she was still on.She told me about the games she had mastered and tokens she had picked up.She had been flicking back and forth to the cheats tab, but had done quite a few of the games with no help at all.She continued on happily, taking short breaks, until teatime.

This was a big deal for a girl who normally runs a mile from anything that involves putting herself under that kind of pressure.It may only be a computer game but I do believe that the lessons she learnt about herself  and how she can make stressful situations easier will trickle into real life too ;-)

Nephew A came at teatime for a sleep over ........  SOO HAPPY TO HAVE HIM :) MY GENIUS COUSIN BY MILLIE :):):):) .........

I was sitting in the sun room on the sofa and started to write this (quarter to midnight) Emily came over and sat on one side of me .Then A came over with some of his drawings of guns and armour that he had designed.As I was looking at them and trying to take in the info on Kevlar and various other technical specifications of the materials he would use, Milly hijacked my post :-)

Anyhow,didn't get to finish it as we then went to find out if we had any cornflour to experiment with! A had a stress ball that had come apart and the goo he had brought with him from inside had similar properties to cornflour goo.It was pliable when handled but was rock hard when it was hit Unfortunately I didn't have any.Milly decided to paint and A found a spray bottle with some watered down paint we had used to snow paint and he used that to create a few pics.A then blew some touchable bubbles and we had fun with those for a while.Finally managed to sit and read the end of The lost Symbol when they went up at 12.30.

A good day all round.

Thursday

Millie has the virus I had last week and has a sore throat and flu type symptoms :-(

So the morning started with duvets brought down and a tired Millie watching TV.Music channels were the pick of day.I began downloading some music she had requested.The new Lady Ga Ga album and a couple of singles ,a new Katy Perry one and Empire state of mind by Alicia Keys and Jay Z.I love to see her musical tastes changing and growing.I enjoy listening to the music she likes and find out about the artists with her.I often talk about other (oldies) she may like and her teenage friend Millii also opens new sounds up to her.She does have a leaning toward a rock style.She is not limited to one genre though and there are classical tracks she hears that she enjoys, but she is not sitting listening to classical Cd's too often ;-) At the moment her fav track is a song from the anime film Spirited away (her fav film)

She got out a couple of boxed sets of Dr Who DVDs  and playing around with the menu on one, she found the audio navigation selection.After a while she announced she was very disappointed with the commentary given.She didn't feel it conveyed the scene in a very interesting way and she would not be happy if she was blind and had need to use it!!

As she was watching TV she was drawing and also did a quiz from the Pokemon annual she got for Christmas.

We have made a scrap book up with pictures from Emily's year in to give to my Mum and Dad.It is just a very cheap scrapbook with pics glued in, with funny comments I have written about them,but it is a lovely thing and I am sure it will give them a lot of pleasure to see all the photos.Today Emily decorated the paper to wrap it in so Alan could post it tomorrow.I included a copy of the poem about a wolf that she had written last week and a copy of a picture of a map she had made some weeks ago that showed her wolf world .They had admired  it when they had visited the day she had done it.

When I was finishing the scrapbook at the weekend I remembered a site a friend had used.Foto .com .She had done a book showing her visit to Austria when she did The Sound of Music tour with her pals.

I spent a long time putting a book together which should (when it arrives) be much more professional looking and nice as a keepsake for Mum and Dad.As there was an offer on to order a second book for half price, I also ordered one for Millie to keep :-)

We do have 6 scrapbooks that I made each year when she was small.We love to look back on them but it was a bit of a hassle sticking all the cinema stubs and birthday cards,pictures etc in and I ran out of steam when she was about 7.I still have a scrapbook with a mountain of stuff stored ready for glueing!

One day,maybe:-)

More music after lunch as she listened to her MP3.

We drafted a letter to Drue in America and started to think of things to put in her package.

In the afternoon she decided to go up and lay in bed and listen to a Cd.

I took the opportunity to browse and found a link to a free game called Poptropica whilst reading on a yahoo group.

Milly happened to come down for something as I was checking it out.

She has not taken to games much, apart from a little bit of club penguin and moshi monsters which she finds relatively easy.After an initial splurge on them she rarely goes on either now.

Her DS gets sporadic use, but only easy games like Dogz, where she feels no pressure.The vet practice game made her angry when she wasn't paid for treating an animal and she couldn't work out why.I do try to help her obviously but once she has made her mind up not to do something I may as well knock my head against a brick wall.She has other games for it too but as yet they don't interest her enough to go through the learning process! ..

As we started to explore Poptropica I realised it was the kind of game that got her heated with frustration:-( I geared myself up for what has normally been a short lived exploration once she realises the complexity of mouse control.

How wrong I was,she actually seemed to enjoy challenging herself! It did lead to frustrations and there were lots of very loud screams as she fell off some swaying bridge or other having made it to the top of the task!However I sat with her (NOT giving advice or asking her to read the help page etc as this is a sure fire way to get her to quit!!) and empathised with the difficulty she was experiencing,but focusing on the things she had done well to get to that point and she kept going.She really does have to do things her own way and over the years I have had to bite my tongue and then seen her work her own way round something.I may see an easier way that I would take or do, but the look on her face when she does it her way is priceless:-)

We sat for quite some time. When she got stuck one time and couldn't get out of a pool at the bottom of a shaft,she just managed to find a way to use something in her belongings bag to get her out and then created another character to play another game.There are ways to earn credits but she didn't want to go into that.If she goes on again I have found a cheats and tips website so that may help if I leave it on her favourites.She may go on again or she may not but we had great fun for the hours we did it and she has gained a little more confidence in her ability in these things:-)

 I made tea

POINTS® Value: 4.5
Servings: 4
Preparation Time: 10 min
Cooking Time: 20 min
Level of Difficulty: Easy
Use super-lean pork fillet for this fabulous dish.

Ingredients
5 spray low-fat cooking spray
500 g Pork Fillet, Raw, lean, (1lb 2oz), sliced
1 large onion(s), thinly sliced
150 ml cider, dry
150 ml apple juice, unsweetened (1/4 pint)
1 portion stock cube, vegetable
1 teaspoon grated ginger root, fresh
5 g lemon grass stems, (1 tsp) finely chopped
200 g apricots, (7oz) fresh, halved and pitted
1 pinch salt
1/8 teaspoon pepper, freshly ground black
15 g almonds, flaked (1/2oz)

Instructions

Heat a large frying pan and spray with low fat cooking spray. Add the slices of pork fillet and cook for about 1 minute on each side, or until seared and browned. Add the onion and cook for a further 2-3 minutes.
Pour in the cider and allow it to bubble up for a few moments, then add the apple juice, stock cube, ginger and lemon grass. Heat until simmering, making sure that the stock cube has dissolved.
Add the apricots, reduce the heat and cook gently for 12-15 minutes. If the sauce liquid reduces too much, add a splash of water. Check the seasoning, adding salt and pepper to taste.
Serve the pork sprinkled with the almonds.
Notes
You could use lean pork steaks instead of fillet – they tend to be a little cheaper.

I made oven roasted new pots (Very easy but lovely.Just a drizzle of olive oil and roasted slowly) spinach,broccoli and carrots to accomany it.

Emily and Alan played and even though she is under the weather she wanted a tickle/roughhouse session.

I went up after tea,whilst Alan washed up.She wanted to tickle and fight again! She is sooo strong,we had a good giggle, although I emerged disheveled and exhausted ;-)  then back down to watch the final part in the X Men series of films we had been watching the last few nights.

They went off to bed and I watched The F word final on 4 +1 and blogged.Emily couldn't sleep, so came down and watched the end of it with me and stayed up to watch celeb big brother while I started this post.

Shadows and decoupage

A fab walk down the lane.

Playing with the camera on my phone :-)

Milly took this as we cuddled in the cold.She saw that our shadow looked like one person with three legs :-))

I have been working on a box for a wolf lover I know :-0

Take one of these.

Source and print of lots of these.

Glue and stick and glue some more.

(picture not good I am afraid,it really does look better in real life!)

Not finished yet.

I underestimated just how many images I would need! The cutting out takes forever!!

Will try to remember to take a picture of finished item,which I am informed is to be used as a special box for keepsakes.

Wolf Poem by Millie

A WOLF POEM BY MILLIE BAMBER


A wolf sits on a rock

a howl runs through the morning

a tap tap tap on the soft earth

a clack clack clack on the old oak tree

a blackbird rises its wings and flies

a drip drip drip on the old waterfall

a wolf ,new this time, regal, sits above a cave

a whimper from the forest

the wolfess her eyes bright howls into the morning light and waits for her cubs to return……….
 

Wednesday.....

It finally gets to a point in the night when I have time to myself and there just isn't enough time to fit in all the things I would like to do!  It always seems I have three or more things happening so I can fit them in :-)

At the moment, I am snuggled up in my bargain faux fur throw from Aldi ,very warm and well worth the 16,99 :-) I am watching The F word, fitting in a few text messages to family,and reading Dan Brown The Lost Symbol in the breaks.I have decided to leave the reading till I go in a bath as I am finding it just too difficult to put it down when the ad finishes.So as I have been wanting to blog I thought I would pop on and be able to tick that off :-)

I have had so many posts started in my head and a few may make it here but I have only a short window tonight so it will be a quick catch up.

The last few days have been spent at home Alan has had the car,it has been too dangerous to take the scooter cos we have finally got some snow!! Emily and I have been walking Beauty,I say walking but it has involved some fancy footwork to keep upright at times:-)) I have T'shirt,two fleeces,body warmer,scarf,gloves,and fur hat.Milly on the other hand has on two occasions been out with her PJ's over leggings and a baggy tshirt and one of Alan's fleeces on top.Unbelievably she takes the fleece off after a while and walks in her t'shirt!!

We have....

spent some time working through Dr Who quizzes and pokemon trivia in her annuals and reading some T.S.Elliot cat poetry.

Started a roman scroll using the t bag method.This is now dry and waiting the message and the wax seal.

Butterfly pictures,using paint then folding paper.

Snowball fights.

Sledging.

Watching X Men  Origins together on Monday night then starting the trilogy on Tuesday to be completed tomorrow.

Dog grooming.

A game of draughts instigated by Milly who really doesn't like games! She decided she didn't enjoy it after all so we quit it and moved on to something more enjoyable.

TV watching,snuggled on the sofa.

Lots of dressing up games on PC.

Ordering new shoes,boots and waterproofs online for Emily,my "little" girl is growing so much I am having to shop in the ladies section now!

Sadly missed meeting home ed group,weather played a part but I had Migraine anyway:-(

Can't remember much else but there has been laughing,tickling,playing just the usual stuff.......

Christmas Day....

Xmas eve was a much later night than anticipated! Emily went to bed with Al at 10.30 and I stayed up, going in a bath at 11.45.Before I got in the bath I checked she was asleep.The snoring I heard led me to believe she was :-) I got in the bath and was surprised when she strolled in to go to the loo! Alan was right behind her as he had heard her get up and wanted to see where she was going.

 She went back to bed and I left it another hour before going up myself,having set things out that I needed to;-)
She was still awake!! I snuggled in with her and she started to cry,she was so scared that Santa wouldn't come because she was awake :-( Her anxiety in the build up to Christmas is, in part, about whether she will get the presents she has wanted. It seems from the conversations we had that a larger part of her worry is that he just won't come at all.This has been the worst year for her in terms of her anxiety/excitement levels.
We have had some conversations about how she still believes Santa is real, even though she has heard some people questioning that.I have a post I want to do on that,and how we might have done things differently from the start, but that will have to wait, as Emily does still read here at times.
We have never told her that Santa wouldn't come if she wasn't good ,she has obviously heard it in many films and from other people and in her mind was playing over the things that might be construed as naughty :-(

 It took quite some time for her to doze off ( I saw 2.30 and she was still awake) and both Alan and I found it difficult to settle.I am sure we both managed to doze of at times.I know I woke at one point when Emily sat up to look over our bed at the clock to see the time(3.30) and then I held her hand til she went off again.the next thing I remember was her waking Alan (he sleeps near the door) excited because there was a stocking on the landing.It was 5.30 and our day began :-)

After the presents were opened and breakfast was had, they took Beauty out.Alan then retired for a couple of hours :-) Emily and I read about the frost dragon she had received and she wrote in her notebook from the wolf conservation trust and read the documents about the wolf adoption we had got her.There was a definite wolf theme to this years gifts.Santa had brought the necklace she had coveted of a wolf howling at the moon,Millie(teenage best friend) had decorated a notebook covering it front and back using images of all the things Emily likes (including wolves,Twilight and New moon images,Percy Jackson,Fairies and lots more) and wrote some inspirational quotes inside the cover and a personal message. She has also drawn a fab picture of a wolf and put it in a lovely frame,and A her cousin had drawn a wolf head and had it transferred onto a T'shirt.

We rang round family members and Emily spoke to A who had rang to thank Emily for her pressies.Getting a phone call from A(best friend) was a lovely surprise and made her very happy.We are normally the ones phoning and making arrangements and Milly feels it is a very one sided friendship and that A is moving away from her :-(

We lit some candles and watched a little TV.

Alan got up and I took my book up and read for a while before having a snooze for an hour.Then back down for a light lunch and after more calls to Alan's side of the family we set off for a walk to Crummock water.Stunning views along the way.

I am having a few probs with my hips at the mo so I opted for the flat path down to the lake and they went of on the more rugged approach.

Milly then climbed her favourite tree :-)

Finds along the way included an icicle and a couple of hearts that Milly spotted!

I thought the last one also looked like an angel,can you see the circles that look like a head and hair?

We were walking for an hour or so and got back home around 4.30 after a stop off at my sisters house for a cuppa.

I made our tea and it was eaten by candle light.

Dr who and a little more TV before Emily and I headed off to bed at 8.00.

I am so glad we have made the change to our day to allow Emily to be who she is. Some of us like to delay gratification and get enjoyment from the wait,some of us really just want to get all our gifts open and then enjoy playing with them slowly.The day goes much smoother now,she is happier and more able to enjoy her gifts.In the past we would always keep some back to open with relatives and knowing she had more to open kept the excitement levels high and constant questions as to when she would be able to open them.This lead to stress all round.

Having opened them all at once last year we talked about what she wanted to do this year and she decided that she would open most of her presents on Xmas morning but would be happy to have our family take their presents for her to my sisters on Boxing day.It worked really well. There was a little excitement about the presents she still had to open but she was calm and able to enjoy the anticipation rather than it taking over.

Last year when we had talked about things she did say that we should keep some back to surprise her in the afternoon of Xmas day, but then having thought about it, she said it wouldn't work because she would know they were there and she would probably keep asking to open them anyway.

We had to question why we were making her wait.I have got past the idea that children need to be taught to delay gratification or the thought that delaying gratification is in any way superior to the sheer joy of opening all your presents and then savouring them afterwards.

I give a present for the recipient to enjoy, I also get some enjoyment from seeing their reaction to opening it, but then that becomes more about my needs rather than the recipients.To my mind, the recipients joy is not reliant on my reaction to seeing the present opened.The present is for them,it should be given without attempts to influence the process and possibly spoil the moment for them.

Alan and I have grown in confidence and are more able to do what we feel is right for us as a family.

Milly knows what works best for her and she no longer needs to feel she is wrong in wanting to open all her gifts at once.

I don't believe she is going to grow up to be a selfish,greedy person.She is just like any other child ,some of the presents were not what she had hoped for,and some of them she didn't like.When she was younger she was (embarrassingly, for me) very vocal and dismissive of the things that held no interest for her.Over the years we have talked about people having the best intentions when buying gifts, but they may not always get it right,and how to be tactful (not lying or being been overly false) so as not to hurt peoples feelings.

She enjoys giving gifts as well as receiving and has picked out some really thoughtful gifts for the people she loves.We do make a point of thanking people for their gifts and do try to follow up with thank you cards.I believe that age will mellow that anticipatory excitement and she will not get quite so wound up.

Most importantly,I hope she will grow with the knowledge that we understood her.She will not grow up feeling bad because she couldn't wait as patiently as some.

I have been writing this on and off over two days ( Saturday and Sunday) Milly has been working her way through her gifts playing with/writing in/watching them.We were watching I Robot this afternoon and she had a folder with paper,envelopes,stickers in and was writing a letter to Amy that she wants to post tomorrow morning when they walk Beauty.She then became rather secretive and didn't want me to look.Then she asked to use a stamp.Shortly after, she went out to the hall and informed us there had been post :-)

Dear Mum and Dad thank you for this wondiful xmas I really love you both verry verry verry much xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Think we are doing something right for her :-)