"Although I speak from my own experience, I feel that no one has the right to impose his or her beliefs on another person. I will not propose to you that my way is best. The decision is up to you. If you find some point which may be suitable for you, then you can carry out experiments for yourself. If you find that it is off no use, then you can discard it." Dalai Lama...

Tuesday, 26 February 2008


I managed to get time to do the beds today and it brought to mind the dilemma I had about tidying Oh that seems so long ago.I can't remember the last time I got worked up about things not getting done,oh wait yes I can,it was just last week,but in my defence I got over it quickly...

I think what helped the most was to see that 90% of the time there was only me who was bothered by the mess, I stopped acting like a martyr and changed my thought process.If I feel strongly I want to do a job or it is something that is offending me then I get on and do it without playing the no one cares but me record, because that is not true, they just have different thresholds to mess!! I let a lot of things go that once would of played on my mind and very often the bed never gets made and the upstairs looks like a bomb has hit. I still try to keep the rooms we are in most often clear and the organisation and storage has helped enormously with that.

With regard to Emily's bedtimes.We have not got to the stage where Emily goes to bed when she wants, there is no set bedtime for Emily and we ask what time she wants to go to bed which is usually anything between 6.30 and 9.00 she generally knows when she is tired and even when she has said she will stay up, she will ask us to take her up if she gets too tired.Emily's behaviour and ability to cope the next day suffer so much without sleep, so this is a half way house for us at present.

Over the months I have relaxed any restrictions on TV watching and just said yes more and have found her turning it off and doing other things when there is nothing of interest to her.In fact she had been watching very little TV for weeks now, some days 1/2 an hour on a morning whilst she comes round.. However the last few days have been a testing time for me as she has asked to watch TV a lot more and I have had a few times when I have wanted to say no but I haven't and will see how things go, I am sure it will even itself out again.The reason I managed to get upstairs to do the beds this morning was because she chose to watch Charlotte's web 1 and 2 .She didn't want to do anything else I suggested so I just got on with jobs.I could perhaps of watched with her and I do like the videos but I had seen them so many times I really couldn't sit through them again.

Food freedom is hard ,I have been saying yes more but I find it really difficult to allow her to have bread and jam as many times as she would have it and persuade her to have something else.Her diet is limited as she has so few things she will actually eat I feel perhaps I should loosen up even more and accept that initially she will eat a whole bar of chocolate or have jam and bread a lot but that as with the TV eventually she will not have anything to fight against and may try more foods.
Prior to going to school Emily would eat anything and it is only since she went to school that her diet became more and more restricted, so perhaps freedom would give her the control back.....


My name is Stacie. said...

I too am trying to relax about messes. I am a neat freak, and our house is small, so it is at times very hard for me. I have noticed that it is mostly me. Audie and Levi definitely have different thresholds to mess. That's a great way to put it. I will keep that in mind.

I have loosened up on many things, but neither Audie or I give Levi complete freedom. His bedtime used to be 8pm. Now it is go in your room at 8pm, and watch a dvd until 9. We just recently put the TV/dvd player in his room. I felt funny about it at first, but it has proved to be a great thing.

We only get a few channels, and Levi is not interested in any TV. So he just watches dvd's, and not too much.

I do have to "limit" his computer time by suggesting we do something together. He is definitely prone to computer addiction, but is almost always open to stopping to do something together.

As for food, Levi is a picky eater as well. I don't give him free reign in this department. I just can't bring myself to do it.

Lynn said...

I have read so much about unschooling and radical unschooling over the last year. I am not sure if we will get to the radical end of the spectrum but can see a middle ground that could work for us as a family.

I belive I am nearly there with "education" in that I don't think of things in an educational sense as much and just enjoy the things we do and accept she is learning and don't feel a need to monitor what she is learning and how well.She has complete freedom to do what she wants to with suggestions from me which she may or may not take up.I trust she will learn what she needs to and she will go on and do what she chooses to do in a way that suits her.I say nearly there because there are still moments of doubt and wobbles but these have diminished with time and seeing how Emily has blossomed.

The other things like sleep and food ,I also see the sense in allowing free choice but I am finding harder to let go of which seems quite bizarre!!

This is a work in progress and I am not commiting to anything and just taking each day as it comes and trying things and seeing how far down the road we can go and what benefits we gain from doing them.

A year ago I would not of thought we would be where we are now and feel so comfortable with the freedom we have given her, I imagine over the next year a similar thing will happen and change will happen organically if and when it is right for us.It is quite exciting to try out a new way and the good thing is if it doesn't work you can go back.....